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Woooooooow

First and foremost, I'm not going to preach abstinence, we are all adults and can make our own decisions. For me, apparently, I'm not an adult enough to be responsible. I've let alcohol take over, I drink daily and I've gained weight back. My spiral started around 4 years ago and has progressed steadily. Until recently, I was in control. I could drink and be ok. I would get drunk and know what happened the next day. Now however, I will get drunk and can't remember a thing. The next day I have massive brain fog, can't concentrate, can't orate correctly, I feel like crap, have the shakes etc. To be clear, I never leave my house and drive. I worry however that it could come to that. My weight is making my back problem even more painful. My clothes are tight, I'm depressed, and it's just awful. I feel like it's groundhogs day every day. I say I'm going to stop and I last a few days and then I slip back. However today I've made a decision to stop drinking entirely. I'm done. I'm not drinking ever again. I clearly can't control my self. I'm an addict with food and now alcohol. Much like food did, booze will ruin my life if I continue. I'm going to join AA and clean my life up yet again. Writing this is a first step for me. I'm not looking for pity, or to be chastised. I need to be self shamed and admit what I am. I'm an alcoholic. However, I can change this, I will change this. I will be healthier soon, it will be hard but I'm going to get there. So please, be careful with alcohol. We all spent a lot of time and money to say nothing of the physical and mental pain we've been through, don't throw it away. Sent from my Pixel 7 Pro using BariatricPal mobile app

Received a call at 8.30am this morning to be told that I was discussed in last Fridays MDT meeting and was accepted for surgery 🥳🥳🥳 I was then told I would be having a ‘One Anastomosis Gastric Bypass’ - huh?? The nurse repeated herself and I was still none the wiser. She said that she would ask a specialist Bariatric nurse to call me to discuss and would send me the info out. I asked for it to be emailed, which she did. I had a read through and did some more research on the internet, just to familiarise myself with what had been suggested. It’s the mini gastric bypass. The specialist nurse rang me just after 9am and explained that it meant that my ‘pouch’ is slightly bigger then that of a Roux-en-Y bypass and there is only one connection or ‘anastomosis’ which is from the pouch to the bowel. Apparently it’s not as complex with the op taking around 1.5hours and recovery just the same as the normal bypass plus the weight loss is expected to be the same. I was recommended it because of Fibromyalgia and the chronic pain I have with RA and osteoarthritis as it would be easier for me. That made sense, thankfully! The specialist nurse said it was a relatively new procedure to the hospital which is why it wasn’t discussed in any detail at the first education session I attended a few months ago. Fair enough, I’m happy to go ahead with it. The wait is around 4-6 months - oh 😒 I was honest and said that I was concerned about losing focus while I’m waiting and gaining weight once again (we all know how easy that is) She went through everything again with me - 3 meals a day, 20/20/20, use a portion plate if I have one (I do) focus more on my protein etc. She also said that if I do begin to struggle, to contact her and they would fit me in with the dietitian to go through things with me. I felt better for her saying that. I did reiterate that I am happy to take a cancellation. She said they do get cancellations but would have to make sure that I had at least 3 weeks notice to complete the LRD. I’ll be honest and say that I’m really, really hoping that the 4-6 months is on the outside and that the surgery is sooner! I know that whatever will be will be, so just to keep on keeping on. Gym is going well, 3 visits last week and I’m hoping for 3 more this week. I’ve upped my levels and weights and I’m burning around 600-650 cals in around an hour or so workout or so my Apple Watch tells me! I can feel muscle, it just happens to be deeply buried and camouflaged with fat 😮 I tried my smaller sized gym stuff on yesterday and, while I can get it on I wouldn’t say it actually fitted, so a few more pounds to go before I would feel comfortable enough to wear it. I bought a new black trench coat from Costco at the weekend. It’s been a very, very long time since I’ve been able to fit into clothing from there so that was a nice boost. It will definitely last me a reduction of a couple of sizes too. My weight is steady at the moment but I do hope to bring it down a little bit more before I have to do the LRD. Bloods to have taken yet again on Wednesday. If my liver is off this time then they will have to think of something else. I’ve not had my weekly jabs for 7 weeks, I’ve missed my other jab for 4 weeks plus no pain relief for 4 weeks either and it’s all wearing really thin with me now. I’m finding that I’m snapping at hubby because of pain and it’s not fair. The gym is really helping my range of movement but the pain remains. We’re out for belated birthday drinks on Friday (postponed because of blood tests ) and that’s about it. I’ve decided to crack on and make a start on wrapping Christmas presents this week. Thankfully my Christmas shopping is almost finished - hurray for sales! Wishing everyone a happy week 🥰 Onwards and Downwards!

I was going through my album, and while trying to lose weight I had favourited a few of my pictures for inspiration to get back to what I was. I was in the best shape after having my first child, see below photos from (2016/2017). My highest weight at 90 kgs/198 lbs (a few days before my VSG in December 2023) My post-op journey has all been about restriction and not being able to eat enough. It took me time to slowly build my stamina and muscle tone back. I have definition in my abs and my legs and arms are toned. I am 13 kilos/29 lbs lighter than my “before” fit (but it doesn't much show because muscles ha!), I am at an all time low in terms of weight but I feel absolutely fantastic. Hopefully can build kore muscle once I stabilize. My “fit” after:

I made this post in another thread as a response to someone else, and then I realized it's something that might help others after they've had their surgery and find themselves struggling. Maybe you're seeing an increase in hormones all of a sudden...maybe you're discovering there's a lot more work involved in getting and keeping the results you need after having the surgery. Maybe you're struggling to change your relationship with food. Whatever the case is, maybe this will help "I never really had the emotional ups and downs, mostly because at the time I had PCOS, and the influx of estrogen from both my surgeries actually normalized my hormones for a few months each time lol What I DID have, however, is the emotional issues that came with changing my relationship with food. I had NO IDEA that would be a thing lol Changing what you eat, how you eat, when and why you eat, how often you eat is like breaking up with a toxic partner. You've been together for a REALLY long time, and even though you KNOW it's a terrible, unhealthy relationship, it's really all you know and you're so dependent on it you don't think you can function without it. And now you have to figure out how to. You have to completely retrain your brain, learn the difference between true hunger and head hunger (there is an actual, real difference), and you have to learn to read the nutrition labels, track your calories and Protein and carbs, work out, don't cheat (and don't make excuse after excuse and justification after justification for why you went back to the toxic relationship even after you knew it was bad for you, yet still gave in), measure food, track fluids, take HONEST accountability for your actions (which isn't something most of us had been particularly good at) and make adjustments as needed to stay as compliant as possible for the long haul. Contrary to what so many think, there's actually a LOT of work that has to happen after the surgery. The surgery itself is just a tool. It's not a miracle cure. It won't fix all the issues if you don't put in the actual work. Just eating smaller amounts without making any of the necessary changes isn't enough, and that's a hard lesson many learn later on. All of this is such a mind eff, and takes a toll on a person. It's a lot of changes, and a lot of work, thrown at a person all at once. And no matter how ready you think you are, it can still cause so much emotional turmoil, and understandably so. What I, and so many, don't realize is that we all have ED (eating disorders) in order to get to being obese and morbidly obese (or in some cases, super morbidly obese). It's not just anorexia or bulimia. I genuinely didn't know that. We have to retrain our brains to get out of that, and sometimes that requires help, and we have to be ok with getting that help. And because we have to do that, we then get incredibly frustrated and defeated feeling when the weight comes off slower than we thought it would, or we hit stalls (or in my case, stall after stall after stall - which is COMPLETELY normal, by the way, and should be expected). I said all of this to say there's SO many different reasons we can have emotions all over the place. Influx of hormones all at once, changes in relationship with food, changes in routines and increase in the things we don't particularly like doing (or not doing anymore), learning we have to do a lot of work to get and maintain the results we want after the surgery, learning PATIENCE with the rate of weight loss and trusting the process (easier said than done, believe me, I know), realizing that body dysmorphia is REAL and we can and do struggle with seeing ourselves as anything other than our formerly obese selves (I'm 182 pounds and I still see 421 pounds sometimes when I look in the mirror), and of course, hair loss (also COMPLETELY normal, and will eventually stop). You won't go bald, there's nothing to prevent it or stop it, you need to increase your protein, biotin doesn't slow it down, and it's a COMPLETELY normal part of the process that many of us don't know about until it happens and then we freak out. So give yourself some grace and just know this is normal. You're doing great, and we're all here for you, just like everyone was here for me "

"friends" of mine used to call me "skinny b*tch". and when i was all heeey! they said it was a compliment. no, B*TCH, "b*tch" is not a compliment. they don't say that to me anymore (at least not to my face, ha!)

I’m a few years out so I have a little bit of perspective. I think staying consistent in a sustainable way is the key. Inly commit to drastic changes you can see yourself continuing 5-10 yrs later. It’s the only thing you can really control, everything else happens on a biological level. Also try to avoid diet/lifestyle creep. Special occasions diets (birthday cake, peeps, royal icing cookies, apple pies, stuffing and pies, gingerbread houses, eggnog etc) should stay where they belong. Don’t do it all of the time. There’s always going to be special occasions but they don’t have to derail months worth of progress (l’m looking at you November/December!). Congratulations in advance on your surgery anniversary ❤️

Same dress!!!!

I will be 2yrs post op in Sept this year, I only lost 70 lbs and I have gained 15/20 of that back. I’m so uncomfortable and frustrated with my body. I’m hungry constantly, absolutely NO energy, tired all the time. Was dx with Narcolepsy on top of sleep apnea this year. I see myself falling back into my old habits and I’m absolutely terrified I’m going back to my weight gain. I need some hard truth given to me. I feel so lost and in a horrible slump that I can’t get out of.

Congratulations on your loss, I’m glad something positive has come out of the horrible experience you have had. Would it be worth talking to someone who specialises in PTSD? A year isn’t long, especially as you spent 4 months in hospital with all the attendant stresses on both yourself and your family. Be kind to yourself. Sometimes we’re harder on ourselves than we would be with others in the same situation 💛