Leaderboard

"You are beautiful. Your beauty, just like your capacity for life, happiness, and success, is immeasurable. Day after day, countless people across the globe get on a scale in search of validation of beauty and social acceptance. Get off the scale! I have yet to see a scale that can tell you how enchanting your eyes are. I have yet to see a scale that can show you how wonderful your hair looks when the sun shines its glorious rays on it. I have yet to see a scale that can thank you for your compassion, sense of humor, and contagious smile. Get off the scale because I have yet to see one that can admire you for your perseverance when challenged in life. It’s true, the scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That’s it. It cannot measure beauty, talent, purpose, life force, possibility, strength, or love. Don’t give the scale more power than it has earned. Take note of the number, then get off the scale and live your life. You are beautiful!” Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

I must admit, I'm a "closet" sleever. No family or friends know what I'm about to do because I choose not to share. i feel ashamed that i cannot lose the weight on my own. I've been trying for years only to regain the loss weight & then some. My mother has been petite & tiny all of her life, so shes never understood my plight. If she knew, oh would I hear it... Yup, even at the age of 49, she still tries to be controlling. Our phone discussions are never about life events initially, the 2nd-4th question from her is, "HOW IS YOUR WEIGHT?". {I cringe at this question} My friends are all shapes & sizes. My smaller friends call WLS a cop out. My overweight and obese friends say they're ok with their weight, but they're always on a "diet". Instead of acceptance & encouragement, I'm sure I would receive critcism & hateration...{Hateration= a form of jealously and negative emotion about your situation or circumstance, b/c individual isn't able to obtain/acheive the same success} The "excuse" I plan to use with all (including coworkers) is, I had my gallbladder removed & I'm now watching what I eat with a high protien & low carb diet with excercise incorporated within. Yes....... this is my story & my truth. MY truth shall set me free. Thanks for stopping by...I now feel a little lighter, less burdened.

I think I have a clot in my nose... if I take a picture can you tell me what you think I should do? Also, I ate chips and salsa in my post-op phase, do you think I hurt my band? Can you tell me what to eat? Why is my cat losing more weight than me... We eat the same diet? OMG PEOPLE... GET SERIOUS. This is not a game. I get so depressed reading this crap! I think I will take a mini vacation. I need a tranquilizer to keep this crap from driving me insane. Do these people think we are not working our butts off to do this? Who the F U C K told them it would be easy? Rant off... sorry having a bad morning... hope yours is better!

Laying in bed this morning and my arm hits something on my leg...I think to myself...what the hell? Turns out I have a hip and leg bone that has been hiding in my thigh for at least 3 decades. Needless to say it's pretty cool to find all these bones that have always been there but have been hiding...collar bones, shoulder bones, now hip bones...oh and I am even seeing ankles too, real ankles and not cankles. Just thought I would post this in my blog today. Feels good.

SO Here is my motivation list. Things I will do when I get to my goal weight. Skiing with no boot extenders Ride a rollercoaster comfortably Tan out by the pool Learn to salsa dance Go to an actual zumba class Experiement with different sex positions Go hiking and not feel like dying Not be the biggest person in the room Fit back into my little black dress Looking awesome on the back of a bike Go to the gym and not feel self consious Buy clothes that arent in the plus size Get lingerie See my ex when I'm 100pds lighter Walk up my steps without getting winded

I started this journey in October 2012 and now its June 2013 and I am down 100 lbs.... It wasn't easy either I have made a lot of mistakes somewhere daily but I kept my focus worked out, even when I made bad choices I didn't let them affect me the rest of the day like I have done in the past. I have done weight watchers, counting calories and nutri system and have never lost much or stuck to something so hard. At first I felt like this was wrong because I was dropping weight fast and that I couldn't do it on my own before. Well I couldn't do it on my own I needed help and I found it and I will never look back on those 100 lbs or bring them with me to future. This is the best choice that I have ever made and I would do again if I had too... This has changed my life and I can’t wait to lose the next 75 lbs! :wub:

Anyone thats ever had a traumatic event in their life can relate to what I'm about to say. I spent a lot of time in the counselors office talking about forgiveness. Forgiving your abuser and those who supported the abuse, either by denial or by complacency is more about healing you than giving that other person anything. I never once in this whole process ever thought about forgiving myself. I was watching a recent episode of Heavy and one of the counseling sessions was about forgiving yourself. There is so much guilt associated in childhood trauma, at least there was for me. I can honestly say that I have forgiven those involved, but I have never forgiven myself. Part of this journey for me is to work through the reasons I turn to food for comfort. Part of my realization is that I have not forgiven myself; I did not allow myself to break free from my abuse because of the guilt. I feel responsible for what happened, because I didn't speak up, I didn't tell anyone, I didn't make it stop. Why didn't I? Logic sets in and tells me it was because I was only 2,3,4,5,6,7 years old but my memories are processed through my mind, an adult's mind. I am mature enough to know it is wrong..now! But then? I remember saying " this is wrong" and him saying " why?" and I couldn't answer him because I didn't know. How could I not have known? These are the things I am working through...it's not a sob story, so don't feel bad for me. It's just my reality, one that I've lived with my whole life. I'm working through it now. I have no choice because I can't consume large amounts of food anymore to avoid working through them ( thank god!) I'm just telling myself every day that I have the right to what everyone else has and that.... It was not my fault! It was not my fault! It was not my fault!

OK... so most of you know me as a member of the Banded b*****s. I have been called RUDE, SNARKY, UNHELPFUL. WONDERFUL, A LIFESAVER, all in the same day. Such is life. Maybe, it would help if some of you knew more about me. I am currently 63 years old, banded at 62 on October 31, 2011. I am 8 pounds from my personal goal, but have achieved my GP, WL Surgeon, NP and Nutritionists goal of 175. I moved my own goal down to remind me that this is a life style not a short term diet. I will always keep working. I am 5'9" tall and no wear size 8 jeans, down from 20/22's My highest weight was 263, On the personal side, I am a wife (29 years with hubby # 2, # 1 and I parted ways.) I am a mother of two girls one 40 and the other 37. I am a grandmother to two gorgeous ladies, Morgan soon to be 13 and Grace 9 1/2. They belong to the older daughter. I have 2 great son-in-laws as well. I am the Godmother of two other young girls, Grace and Eva. I have been retired for almost 10 years. My hobbies are quilting, golf and traveling. My husband and I have been to all 7 continents and over 50 countries. We actually lived in Brussels, Belgium for 2 years, and still miss our favorite Neuhaus Chocolate. Good thing we are not there now, or I might have even more problems maintaining weight loss! LOL I have been an active member of LBT and really like helping newbies. My less than polite side come out when people ask what I consider stupid questions.... Like "gee do my scars look infected to you" or I went out drinking and threw op for 36 hours do you think I damaged my band." If you want positive help from me stay away from asking medical questions. We all have surgeons, nutritionists and other medical professionals for that. If you hurt take a pain pill or call your doctor. I love my LAP BAND and all the members of my private social group the Banded b*****s, so don'; pick on them either. We are all here to learn and help. I learn new things every day, and I hope a help a few other along the way. That's it for my first ever blog. I planning to go in for a fill next week, let you know how that goes. It will be my third. CHEZNOEL, AKA Princess Grammy.

I am 7 days away from an 8 mile hike up to LeConte Lodge in Great Smoky Mountains National Park, 8 days away from hiking 5.5 miles down from that mountain, 9 days away from a 7 day vacation in Hawaii, and 32 days away from being sleeved. It is going to be an exciting month. However, I have really struggled with the "food funeral". I have had binge like behavior for the past couple of weeks, and have basically let my "inner fat girl" have everything she wants, and the result of that...the added weight, the bloat, the heart burn, the sluggish "I just want to be lazy" feelings, etc have taken enough of a toll on me, and I have finally decided that enough is enough. It's time to start preparing my brain for what my body is about to go through. Today I kind of gave the following talk to myself... Dear Food, You have always been there for me. You were there for me when I was alone in the evenings after school, you were there for me when people hurt my feelings, you were there when I was alone, you were there when I was rejected, when I was awarded, when I was celebrated. You were there through the loneliness of my teens when I didn't have any "real" friends..during the long hour and a half drive from my mom's to my dad's house when I started driving alone. You were there through my college years when boys rejected me, when the school work got hard and continued on into the night. You were there in my lonely apartment in my early 20's, and there when I went through the financial crisis which landed me back in my parent's house feeling defeated. You were there when I moved to a new state at 28 with my fiance' and I was stressed about leaving everything I knew and loved behind other than this one man. And you were there when my dad died of a heart attack at 57 (obesity related) one week after that move, and through the months that followed trying to get his estate finalized while living 500 miles away. You were there in the nervousness of my wedding, and of being a new bride. You were there through the stresses of every long day of every tax season, and then when I went out on my own as a bookkeeper. You have been there every evening to help me alleviate stress lately. You have been what I've looked forward to at the end of the day. You have comforted me, you have praised me, you have distracted me, you have brought me pleasure. But you have also brought me pain. You have brought me "weight", literally. My bones hurt, my body aches, my feet are killing me, my back feels like it's in knots. My heart races these days with the slightest hill or stair case. You have made me depressed which caused me to ponder that death might be better than life when I feel I can't overcome your power. You are holding me back from my passions of the outdoors. I can hardly hike up hills these days without feeling like I'm going to die. My heel pain is just getting worse with every pound you add to my body. I don't feel sexy anymore... You are tearing apart my life and I'm only 32. I thank you for having been there for me, but I think in order to have the best life I can, I'm going to have to part with you, or atleast part of you. God has brought other things into my life to take over the work you were doing all alone. I have a husband who can comfort me and celebrate me. I have friends who can help me to not be lonely and a bible study group to strengthen me when I'm feeling bad. I have a bike, a kayak, hiking boots and a backpack that will keep me entertained. I have a fantastic gym membership and a mini home gym that can keep me distracted from work when need be. I have kitties who can sooth me on lonely days when I need "love" (okay, my husband can do that too if he's not working late) I will be okay with out large quantities of you. Our relationship is changing, and while I'll still partake of you, I need the best you, you have to give.... things that will make me strong and healthy instead of weak and lazy. The sugary things that I let sooth me have to go...perhaps one day I'll be able to enjoy a bite or two, but since you've turned me into a sugar addict, that day will be far away when I'm at goal and am finally in control. Here's to change! Tomorrow, I will start a low carb, 2 protein shakes a day (I have plenty of sample packets to choose from), and one protein + complex carb + either 1/2 a sweet potato or 1/2 cup cooked quinoa meal a day, food plan. I will get out of this sugar fog, and back into "the light". And I'll flush out the funk with lots of water and green tea. I'm ready to start my new life even though I am 32 days before surgery and am only required to do a 7 day low carb pre-op diet. I'm just ready! With my hike before Hawaii, and lots of hiking/walking planned in Hawaii (and fresh pineapple!!) I can stay on track until my surgery. Wish me luck fellow pre op and post op sleevers! I appreciate you and your stories and questions more than you know!! Edit: No need to suggest counseling...I've already been doing it for 5 months and will probably continue after surgery. I wish I could say it's helping with the mental stuff...but I don't see it.

I packed my normal breakfast of a Protein shake and a some steel cut oats, and drank my shake when I got to my desk. a couple of hours later I was hungry again and pulled my oatmeal out. Then Mistress Band spoke, "I'm not eating that stuff, get me some more protein!" So down to the cafeteria for a couple for eggs and hash browns, threw 3/4 of the hash browns away, and Mistress Band is now one happy camper. When I woke up this morning, I was feeling pretty lethargic, I knew I had been doing a lot of physical labor on 1300 calories a day with the constant snow fall here, but I thought I had been allowing for that. My body disagreed, and a real part of my journey is learning to listen to my band and my body. Food for thought.