One thing I forgot to mention is that I also decided to just tell the women at my yoga class a vague version of what I am going through. Not because I am seeking attention or pity as some people may believe but because the doctors told me that with the first phase of chemo I need that I would no doubt be losing my hair and not to even torture myself trying cold caps because they wouldn’t work for me. I didn’t want to have to miss any days trying to hide that when it was inevitable that they would find out anyways. I can’t wear a wig to yoga without dying of heat stroke even if I can find one that doesn’t irritate my head and won’t fall off doing downward dog. Also, I have to wear a mask until class starts and I’m at my mat and far enough away from people. Also, with the chemo i do get a little dizzy at times and physically I have to take a tiny break once in a while which doesn’t go unnoticed I’m sure.
I just decided that I have no clue what is going to happen with my body in days to come but I’m going when I can and doing as much as I can. I’m not missing something that is good for my health, weight loss journey and that I really enjoy just to try and keep something a secret. I have spent enough of my life hiding because of my weight and I have finally broken free of that. I’m not going back in that dark place ever again. I am usually a pretty private person so it was a big choice for me with sharing about the bariatric surgery and now with the cancer, but so far I am happy with my decisions for both. I just told them that I don’t want them to make a big deal about it that we are there to relax and do yoga, but I just didn’t want to feel awkward wondering what they must be thinking so I was just getting it out there.
It was partly because I did the same with my revision surgery and it has worked out positively for me. With the sleeve I didn’t tell anyone outside of my best friends and that wasn’t successful so with the SADI i decided to try something different. I told the women in my crochet group and the one craft group because I have known them almost two years now (but not the one I joined more recently). They do ask how I’m doing or congratulate me on my weight-loss and ask what I’m eating and about my exercise, I briefly answer but then I will say enough about me we are here to craft and ask what they are working on today and that seems to work pretty well. So with yoga, now, I hope I can just walk in with my hat or wig and take it off before class begins and do my thing and when I take more an more breaks they will just ignore me. I’m sure it will feel really weird for me the first time when I’m bald because it was when i had to go really short and I was thinning with a head band covering most of the bald spots but everyone already knows about the elephant in the room now and hopefully we can just focus on YOGA. Food for thought for those with the decision about cancer and for those on the fence about whether to tell about their bariatric journey as well because people who see you once or twice a week notice things and they are probably wondering. It has worked for me to just rip off the bandaid and move on.