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I completely agree with what everyone has said so far. I will add, there are many people on this forum who hesitated & deferred their surgery for many reasons (influence of family or friends, own fear & doubt, etc.) all say after they do have surgery, they wish they had done it the first time. I hate people, who have never had the surgery, say it’s the easy way out & that they care about you. If they cared about you & your health they would support you wanting to do something to benefit & improve your health. And, importantly, it’s not easy. You have to watch every thing you eat & doing some form of activity is recommended but unlike any usual weight loss diet & exercise program you have to do a lot of head work. The head is where many of the issues that drive excessive eating (addictions, emotional issues, etc.) originate. The psychological aspect of the surgical program is great & a vital aspect of continued success. I can’t stress this enough. The other thing is that the programs get you to examine & change how & what you eat which any traditional diet doesn’t. It’s why traditional diets fail - we all go back to eating the same way we always did. However, the whole process does get easier as you progress and get to the point of maintaining your lower weight. Many of your new learned eating behaviours & food choices become imbedded and second nature. New habits are formed. Less liked foods become favourites. You’ll discover & enjoy new cooking styles & ingredients. You’ll learn what you can & can’t eat to maintain your weight & how much & how often of some other things you can eat (like those old favourites). And you work out a way to eat that is sustainable and doesn’t feel like you are missing out or punishing yourself like a traditional diet does. If you decide to explore the surgical option again, maybe don’t tell anyone until you are completely certain about your decision and won’t be swayed by people who don’t understand or respect your opinions, intelligence, decision making abilities & have never walked in your shoes through your life. All the best which ever path you chose.

I will say that everyone around me told me the same thing. I told them EFF IT! yes I can lose the weight, I have dieted since I was 12, lost 100lbs only to gain it back, lost 60lbs gained it back, and the pattern continued. I also got the "oh you will just gain it back in 5yrs" I FINALLY decided that what I was doing was not working! I needed an extra tool! Ozempic, Wegovy and those meds were not for me and I did not like how I would have to rely on them and they were hard to get plus PRICEY! I am 35 now and I made the decision to do this right before my birthday. I was 297lbs, hard to wake up, couldn't walk without getting winded, couldn't play with my kids, hated myself for my inability to live life and be that wife and mother that my family deserved. I decided to make the appt and did not tell my family (minus my hubby) that I was going into surgery and here I am 6.5 ish months later, down 130lbs, exercising 1hr a day 6days a week, playing with my kids and having energy to spend time with the hubby, my life is SOOOOO much better. My only regret is not doing this sooner!!! Now my best friend is now sleeved and is having tremendous results! My mom (who was my skeptic) is now talking to her doctor about the bypass. This is the not the easy way out, this is a tool to help us live! I think you should what is good for YOU not for everyone else and don't listen to the haters! They aren't living a day in your life. They don't know the pain, the struggles and the worries you have. Best of luck!! ❤️

I've been struggling to keep up with the diet so I thought I would try to focus on all the things that I hope to accomplish from the surgery so that I can remind myself what better times I have to come. Not just big things like better health but also the smaller things that I think are just as important. 1st: Sleep! I want to lose enough weight to sleep well. I don't have sleep apnoea yet, but my doctor says I'm at risk because of my weight and even without the sleep apnoea, it's still really hard to get comfortable and lying on my back definitely affects my breathing and my spine. 2nd: Activity! I ride my bike everywhere and I enjoy it, but I would love to do other things without pain in my knees. I go to concerts a lot and usually need to stand because no one sits at rock concerts (unless it was like when I went to see the Scorpions last month when the average age of music fan was 56 so it was all seats). Standing for a long time hurts and then I can't enjoy the concert as much as I was hoping. Maybe be able to lose the ebike and get an "acoustic" bike. 3rd: Fashion! Being able to shop at cheaper stores. Plus size clothes comes with a plus size price tag. Years ago, (teenage years) I bought a t-shirt that was a size 16. They had the same t-shirt in the "plus size section" (also a size 16 and the exact same size) and it was £2 extra for the same amount of fabric. And as someone with a more alternative sense of fashion, not a lot of plus size clothes have skulls and flames and vampires and things like that. They tend to make plus size clothes with puppies and kitties and cutesy things. There's nothing cutesy about me.

I, too, love this analogy!!

I completely lost my way. Where to start

I wonder if after hearing all of these perspectives if starting with a therapist that specializes in disordered eating may help. You mentioned that you haxe some behaviors that are ingrained from childhood that make things challenging for you and they may be able to help with that. Honestly it will most likely make your even more successful in the long run when you do decide whether surgery is right for you. And if you still don’t want to do it booefully you can lose something with the therapists help. Anything you lose will only make you that much healthier and if survey is the end goal you will just have that much less to lose. My only other suggestion would be that once your even beginning to lean more towards doing surgery that you make your appt and get the ball rolling because it’s a pretty lengthy process and once you do make your mind up if your like many of us the wait seems really long. Actually making that first appointment may hurt either. Make a list of your exact fears and get exact statistics to help you decide. Many of the risks are less than getting in a car and driving. But do yourself a favor and ask what your risks are if obesity related complications too if you do nothing. For most of us doing nothing comes with far greater risk.

I don't mind the cold shoulder all the time, but yes it's too much! Either have a sleeve on the top or don't!

Of course! That's so typical!

@NeonRaven8919Exactly! @AmberFLHe‘s currently on the platform, unsure if the weight loss train is the train he wants at the moment @JennyBeezRomanncy-love-stuff? What’s that then? LOL! @SleeveToBypass2023All my stats are up to date right now. Don’t know which surgery as I haven’t had my appointment with the surgeon yet (NHS - it’s never a rush 🙄) I had thought sleeve initially but, after my first group education session, I’m now thinking bypass, purely because of reducing the hunger hormones which isn’t a factor with the sleeve. However, I will listen to what the medical professionals recommend and make my decision from that. So, I had the conversation with hubby last night and got a lot of things cleared up. It’s not just the WLS that’s concerning him but some other things too like me having knee surgery and not needing him anymore, especially as he has his own disability which cannot be addressed with surgery. He thinks he will be holding me back and I deserve better etc etc. I truly understand where he’s coming from but we’ve been together 22 years, married for 17. His accident happened when we’d been together a couple of years and back surgery made it much worse. We’ve dealt with horrible shitty ex-wives, massively entitled kids, redundancy, depression, illness, disabilities etc. If we can come through all of that and not want to stab one another then I will take that as a win 🤣😂 Life throws things at us when we least expect it, both good and bad. I think we’re OK for now, thankfully, so I can stop eyeing up the pillows in bed, thinking of ways to smother him 😈 Physio was cancelled today due to staff illness. They had a bit of a panic trying to find an appointment for me as I’m supposed to have physio 10-14 days after the steroid injection. As it stands, they found me an appointment for next Monday which will be 19 days afterwards so I will have to see if that’s acceptable. I’m not stressing though as I’m doing the circulation booster and knee programme every day so hopefully that will have a positive impact.

Finally worked out how to just insert this as a picture rather than a link 😂 Pre-having my eyebrows done! They were a hot mess in this pic!