The first step is to admit it, which you're doing. We all get in moods where we slip. The trick is to catch it, admit it, and start to correct it. You can still fix this, but you say you're not wanting to. So are you just wanting to vent about what you're doing to yourself or do you want to actually start fix it?
If you want to vent...ok. But there's not much we can say or offer you if you truly don't want to start over and correct it. If you want to correct it, then we have something to work with. You know the rules, you know the diet, you know what you can and can't eat, drink, and do. You know you need to focus on protein, lower carbs, get in veggies and healthy fats, get in your fluids, cut out alcohol right now, cut way down or even out (for now) salt and sugar. Move your body more. Swim, walk, ride a bike, work out, do things that increase your movement more than you normally do every day. Cut way down (or out for now) soda. Start over and get yourself back on track and ease yourself back into things.
You're only 4 months out from surgery, so you're still in the sweet spot of losing weight. So you can still turn this around and get back to dropping weight. If that's what you want to do. Again, if you just want to vent about it but not actually change it, there's not much else I can contribute. You've lost 41 pounds, and that's fantastic over 4 months. Remember your "why" for doing the surgery to begin with. Remind yourself what this meant to you and get back to that and really decide for yourself if that "why" still applies to you.