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It's the ones we love -- and the ones we want to be able to rely on and trust -- that have the greatest capability to hurt us. Even if they don't see it or think of it as 'minor friction' in the relationship. I love my mother. She's been one of my greatest supports throughout my life in many, many ways. That said, when I was a tall 13 year old wearing baggy size 12 pants and large shirts -- I was there 100% because of my mom. I'd try on a summer dress with those elastic/ruched busts and she'd comment how tight it was. Looking back at old photos, I know I was not as slender as many of my peers but I was already 5'11" and fully endowed in butt and bosom -- and it was the 90's so my fashion options were much more limited. ((also looking back, a lot of my body issues stemmed from her being an incest survivor and having a deep seated fear / distrust of all men -- she was consistently telling me about the gross old men who were 'checking me out' as I walked by. On one side, yeah, warn your children of dangers. On the other side, don't make your child feel constantly watched and judged by older men just because you have some issues, lol.))

I swear I am so tired of hearing that! "Your getting too skinny" "your going to start looking sick" "Stop losing weight" "I don't want to hurt your feelings but you should just eat a little more" Like I realize this is the smallest I have ever been in my adult life, but I assure everyone that I am healthy and not starving myself. Even the surgeon and dietician said that I am eating more calories than someone at the same stage. I refuse to stop working out and refuse to stop eating how I eat to appease people. Ran over thanks for listening!

YEP!!! I'm getting this literally right now. I have people that I've known for 15, 20, even 25 years that have never seen me below 250 pounds. So to see me at 185 pounds is understandably jarring for them. But once the compliments stopped the critiques started. "You're starting to look sickly, slow down the weight loss" and "you're going to look like you have an ED if you keep losing weight" and "your sagging skin is going to get so much worse if you don't stop losing weight". I mean...seriously????? My body FINALLY found its new set point and is happy where it's at and now the weight is resettling and redistributing itself. There's nothing I can do about it. Your comments are UNhelpful and UNnecessary. Ugh.....

I really like the Quest protein shakes. The salted caramel is my favorite flavor.

Not exactly the same but yesterday I was told by my (well intentioned I guess) boss that he was concerned I wasn't eating enough as I looked a bit unwell and didn't seem to have much energy yesterday! Sorry but it was 30c / 86f in our office, no air con, no air circulating and I HATE the heat so I felt exhausted plus I hadn't had great sleeps the last few nights. I wasn't the only one struggling in the office yet he seemed to put my struggle down to the fact that he said he didn't think I was getting in enough calories and he had been watching how little I eat! I just said I was suffering from the heat and he had nothing to worry about on the food/calorie intake side of things as I am eating the right portion amounts, was hitting my protein goals most days, had good blood results and if anything I was probably snacking a bit too much on nuts! Then when I repeated this conversation to my Mum last night she then became concerned I wasn't eating enough and that I should look at maybe starting to try to maintain now or even put on a lb or two. Seriously, I have not even got to the goal weight my surgeon set for me (70kg , well it had been 75kg but then when I reached that he brought it to 70kg) and I am still off what I want (66kg). For my Mum though I know her concern comes from me living overseas and not seeing me a lot so she based her comments on the fear (to her) of what my boss said.

Thank you, what pisses me off the most is that the same people were not concerned when I was 300lbs. I don't feel frail, I feel strong and healthy. I'm with you, I do not understand why people have to make comments about appearances. LIke what is the benefit. One is my mom and she has always always commented on my weight. She put me in Weight Watchers when I was 12. I love her to death and I know she means well but my weight issues and insecurities about myself stem from her. I would never tell her that, but its true. I was hoping she would just tell me I looked good and healthy.

TW: mental health issues, suicide, infertility I've gotten those comments already (only 3 months in, and nowhere near my goal weight), and in the past during other diet-based weight loss. I used to try to convince myself that these people mean well, that they're trying to show they care, or trying to give backhanded compliments. 2024 me? Nah. They're being petty, they're being bullies, they're jealous, they feel like your success highlights any issues they fault with their own body, etc. The only time I successfully lost weight 'on my own' through diet and exercise, I ended up gaining it all back and more -- and while I logically know it was my own choices that led to it, there was also my 'best friend' telling me that I looked like I was dying, that I looked like a cancer patient, etc, and then inviting me over and peer pressuring me into the most unhealthy foods. I was young and I had always been easily intimated / manipulated by her; I had always had **** self esteem and found my own value only through what others said they valued of me, etc. I know I was in a bad mental place to begin with. But it was absolutely brutal. But nobody, nobody, should be saying these kinds of things to another. Whether you're close to each other or barely know each other. Whether they're 'teasing' or not. It would be absolutely awesome if the world / society could normalize not making un-asked for comments about other people's looks. How about we apply 'consent' when it comes to these sorts of conversations? FFS. I'm sure I'm not the only one whom has had comments made while they were overweight. People, strangers, asking if you're pregnant, if you're female presenting. ((Afterwards, I always wished I could go back in time and cause a scene -- cause no, asshat, I'm actually unable to have children and it ruined several relationships and led to depression and suicidal ideation. But thanks for giving me that extra scoop of pasta sauce since it looks like I'm "eating for two.")) So many people have body issues, weight related or otherwise. Body dysmorphia. Mental health issues. Triggers. And what right does any person have to comment on someone else's appearance? If someone wants to go to the grocery store in their pjs, what's it to you? If someone got a new hair cut and you really don't like it, stfu. If someone lost over half their body weight, why do you feel entitled to question them about it or tell them you liked them better with a little more meat on their bones? (Not... you. You know. Societal 'You'.) There's a big difference between saying "Wow, you're looking good today" or "Is that a new shirt? It looks great on you" and letting the compliment receiver decide if they want to open the conversation up from there, and saying things like "Oh god, you're losing so much you're gonna disappear" or "ugh, you're losing so much weight, enough already." ... anyway. I'll end my venting-vomit with: I'm trying so hard these days to have the confidence in setting my own boundaries and actually enforcing them. I'm starting to figure out lines I can say when people cross them. I'm trying not to let my inner rage at a world full of entitled bullies make me someone who bullies back, but yeah, maybe next time someone seems fit to complain about my looks I'll find something they probably don't want to talk about either. If I'm fair game, so are they. Eat some karma. 😈

As far as getting ready: I've got a binder my doctor gave to me. It has basically all the information that I should need going forward. I do look at it periodically to refresh my memory about what is expected of me. For the dietary changes and stages, I write everything I need to stop/start on a calendar. For example: I need to stop drinking coffee and need to taper off to avoid headaches. I am also weaning myself off carbonated water and need reminders. I'm struggling with a few things such as taking small bites, so I like to put reminders in my calendar so i have to see them every day. I'm also changing my vitamins over to different brands and also needed reminders for that as well. (I'm forgetful!) I've made a list of the things I need to buy such as different kinds of protein powder, unjury protein, chewable vitamins, calcium chews, small utensils, small plates, a drink blender, etc. I've made a list of things to pack for the hospital (thanks to several threads here on this website, I have a list going). As I purchase them, I mark them off. Along those lines, I have fairly good ideas of the types of things I will be eating in each dietary stage so that I can plan ahead for grocery shopping when I get to that point. I purchased several books off amazon that were used, and very inexpensive. Things like bariatric cookbooks and bariatric mindset success books. I do try to read a little bit each day and then journal about what I read. I drive a lot for work so I have plenty of time to listen to podcasts. There are several that I enjoy that I feel are science-based, supportive and informative. I've learned many things from these podcasts about bariatrics. They're free and it's easy to just put one on a few times a week. Besides bariatricpal, I am trying to avoid other websites that deal with bariatrics at this point. It felt overwhelming and felt like I kept going down a rabbit hole of horror stories and it was not helping with my anxiety. There is one person on youtube that I enjoy watching because she's many years out and is very inspiring. Now that I have a date for surgery, this all feels very real and scary. I am trying to not give into the fear too much and remember why I am here at this decision. I need to take charge of my health. I have ONE precious life. I want to live the rest of my life in the best health that I can. I've tried desperately since I was about 20 (in my late 40's now) to lose the weight and keep it off. I've had high blood pressure for 15 years and no matter what I do, It continues to be an issue for me. I've been warned that I am pre-diabetic and likely someday soon that will catch up to me and I'll officially be diabetic. I cannot do this on my own and maintain it. It's that simple. This is my second chance and I will not turn back. This is honestly a story about saving my own life by asking for help. I hope this helps.

How are things going now?

My absolute go-to book is A Pound of Cure by Matthew Weiner. For months after my sleeve I angsted over not getting my 5+ portions of (fruit and) veg every day but now I get that by lunchtime most days. My only other advice would be to stick to protein first, veg second, carbs third at every single meal. It works.