TW: mental health issues, suicide, infertility
I've gotten those comments already (only 3 months in, and nowhere near my goal weight), and in the past during other diet-based weight loss. I used to try to convince myself that these people mean well, that they're trying to show they care, or trying to give backhanded compliments.
2024 me? Nah. They're being petty, they're being bullies, they're jealous, they feel like your success highlights any issues they fault with their own body, etc. The only time I successfully lost weight 'on my own' through diet and exercise, I ended up gaining it all back and more -- and while I logically know it was my own choices that led to it, there was also my 'best friend' telling me that I looked like I was dying, that I looked like a cancer patient, etc, and then inviting me over and peer pressuring me into the most unhealthy foods. I was young and I had always been easily intimated / manipulated by her; I had always had **** self esteem and found my own value only through what others said they valued of me, etc. I know I was in a bad mental place to begin with. But it was absolutely brutal.
But nobody, nobody, should be saying these kinds of things to another. Whether you're close to each other or barely know each other. Whether they're 'teasing' or not.
It would be absolutely awesome if the world / society could normalize not making un-asked for comments about other people's looks. How about we apply 'consent' when it comes to these sorts of conversations? FFS.
I'm sure I'm not the only one whom has had comments made while they were overweight. People, strangers, asking if you're pregnant, if you're female presenting. ((Afterwards, I always wished I could go back in time and cause a scene -- cause no, asshat, I'm actually unable to have children and it ruined several relationships and led to depression and suicidal ideation. But thanks for giving me that extra scoop of pasta sauce since it looks like I'm "eating for two."))
So many people have body issues, weight related or otherwise. Body dysmorphia. Mental health issues. Triggers. And what right does any person have to comment on someone else's appearance? If someone wants to go to the grocery store in their pjs, what's it to you? If someone got a new hair cut and you really don't like it, stfu. If someone lost over half their body weight, why do you feel entitled to question them about it or tell them you liked them better with a little more meat on their bones?
(Not... you. You know. Societal 'You'.)
There's a big difference between saying "Wow, you're looking good today" or "Is that a new shirt? It looks great on you" and letting the compliment receiver decide if they want to open the conversation up from there, and saying things like "Oh god, you're losing so much you're gonna disappear" or "ugh, you're losing so much weight, enough already."
... anyway. I'll end my venting-vomit with: I'm trying so hard these days to have the confidence in setting my own boundaries and actually enforcing them. I'm starting to figure out lines I can say when people cross them. I'm trying not to let my inner rage at a world full of entitled bullies make me someone who bullies back, but yeah, maybe next time someone seems fit to complain about my looks I'll find something they probably don't want to talk about either. If I'm fair game, so are they. Eat some karma. 😈