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I ordered the Barbecue Protein Crisps here from BariatricPal, and find them quite tasty. The Ranch flavour, not so much. They are very filing and have a satisfying crunch. I continue to shrink, and am amazed at the changes all over my body. Visually, it is striking to me. In the mirror, I look thin to my eyes, but I don't feel thin, although I can see more bones and veins and tendons and floppy skin. Cardio-wise, It takes a lot more effort to get my heart rate up and I'm now monitoring which heart zone I can get into and for how long. My resting heart rate is the lowest it's ever been. If I think about it, and I left myself feel it for a time, I weep (like, boohoo cry) with joy. I am so grateful to myself, and proud of myself for having the courage to have taken the leap to better health.

Feeling a little sad today because a few weeks ago I had a call from the surgeon's office and they had a last minute opening on November 20 because of a cancellation. I am not scheduled until December 27, which is way later than I had expected when I started all this. My "ideal" date in my head had been November 13. I was so ready to jump at the chance, but I just couldn't make it work. As soon as I mentioned it to my mom, instead of being supportive, she had all sorts of reasons why I shouldn't move the date. Some were valid, like my teen daughter has a special (but not super special) thing going on later in the week that I would probably have to miss, and others were less valid, like she didn't feel ready and it might ruin everyone's holidays. Um, excuse me? It's not about her! And how would I single handedly ruin both Thanksgiving AND Christmas for my entire family by having a surgery? But she had informed me when I first got the December date that she planned on getting a hotel near the hospital and staying that night to be nearby, despite the hospital only being about 40 miles away from home. I didn't ask her to do that, but that's her plan, so there you go. She didn't ask me if I felt ready now, or what the wait through the holidays felt like for me with the surgery looming. So that was the part that hurt. I felt like I was having to make sure everyone else was okay with my choices instead of me, which is a theme in my life for sure. Don't get me wrong, my parents have been there for me so many times, and I don't want to sound ungrateful. But this really made me sad that what I wanted simply didn't factor in. Basically, I passed on what felt like a dream come true to get that call, and I've had to reconcile myself to it as best I can. I've found some silver linings, like more time to clean my house and test some recipes. But if I hadn't, I would be on my pre-op diet now (my surgeon only does a short liquid diet beforehand, so a Monday surgery starts the pre-op diet on Saturday morning). Instead, I'm getting ready to make dinner for myself and the kids, and I still have 39 days to go...