Being nervous and doubtful - especially when making such a big decision is natural.
I had doubts and canceled my first surgery - because I didn’t think the program I was in was the right fit. (Found another program and I’m scheduled for surgery in a few weeks). I regretting canceling for a time, thinking how I could be 6 months further down the road if I had just gone through with the original plan, but ultimately I’m glad I waited to find the right program for me.
I constantly ask my husband - is this the right decision, because I was sure if I had just tried harder, I could do this without the surgery. (For perspective I’m 48… I’ve been over weight all of my adult life). I was also worried about the inconvenience the surgery, diet and lifestyle chances would impose on the household (hubby and 2 adult-ish kids).
I spoke to my pcp, my endocrinologist, two different therapists (mine and the one from the program) about all the reasons I’m afraid to have surgery and all the reasons why I should have the surgery.
The program therapist was very direct - telling me no one (in the program) will be upset if you are unsure and want to postpone for up to a year (tests could be used for a certain period) or even cancel. “We will do this when it is right for YOU”, she assured me. My therapist, PCP and endocrinologist (who both advised me to consider this as an option) agreed and said the same thing. My husband has been nothing but supportive. But all of them said I needed to make the decision that is best for ME, not worry about what others personal opinions are, because ultimately I’m the one that has live with my weight and the health issues that go along with it.
I’m not going to lie, the idea of surgery of any kind scares me, but I made the decision to have surgery to become healthier, to improve my quality of life. As nervous as I am about things that can go wrong, about having this surgery and messing it up by not being successful, I know I won’t forgive myself if I don’t try. The things I have been doing for the last 30 years have not worked long term and as I get older, it’s likely to get harder - not easier. I owe it to myself to try every resource at my disposal and this surgery is just that, a resource or a tool.
I choose not to share my decision with family (outside my house) and most friends (need to know only) while going through pre-op because I didn’t want to invite the opportunity for negativity. Most know I’m working with a nutritionist (I’ve lost about 50 lbs over the last year) and getting a hernia repair (both of which are true), but not that I’m having WLS.
The family member opposed - do they struggle with weight or health issues of their own? Why don’t they support your decision? If they raised questions or concerns you thought were good points, did you discuss with your therapist/nutritionist/ drs? While you value their thoughts and input… are they valuing yours? It’s one thing to express concern about someone you care about, but it is absolutely possible to do so in a supportive way.
What ever you decide, best of luck.