What you're feeling is completely normal. We want this to work so badly that we have ourselves convinced food is the enemy. We tend to live in extremes. Pre surgery, food was an addiction, like a drug. Post surgery, we're scared to eat because we're convinced every little morsel will pack all the weight on and undo all of our progress. It's learning the balance between the two that takes the most time and effort. It's always a work in progress. Food is fuel, no more and no less. We eat to live, not live to eat. But we can't live without eating. If you start working on the disordered thinking (and yes, it is an eating disorder we all have) and we stick to the plan for what to eat, when, how often, etc and we move our bodies.... we get healthier, our relationship with food slowly changes, and the weight comes off. Once you're cleared to work out (beyond just walking) you will need the calories to keep your body from thinking its starving (when that happens, it holds on to every little pound and ounce of fat). Just take it one day at a time, and you'll get there. Start really slowly, give yourself grace, and don't fear food. It's fuel for our bodies, and we need it. We just don't need it the way we had it pre surgery.