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This made me think about my own decision not to share my surgery with anyone that didn't have a "need to know". Virtually everyone I work with has never actually seen me in person, only via zoom, since we almost all work remotely. I didn't tell anyone, even my boss that I was having weight loss surgery. Quarterly, my larger team (50-60 folks) gets together in person now, but I've put off traveling for these meetings for most of the year. I used my significant hearing loss as the main rationale. I do have a significant challenge hearing in crowded rooms due to my hearing loss, so it's absolutely an issue. If I'm honest with myself though, I put off going mostly because I was ashamed of my weight. I also knew that after surgery, I'd be closer to a "normal" weight and while some might notice a difference between "video" me and "in person" me, I figured it won't be nearly as noticeable for most folks. Anyway, mid-December, I'm finally planning to go to the quarterly get together. Fair or not, I know 2 things are true, and I made the choices I did based on this: Being obese carries a significant stigma that we are lazy, have no self-control, are morally bankrupt, are unattractive, etc. I've seen and felt this personally and its impact on promotions and work assignments. No one will ever admit to feeling this way or letting it impact business decisions, but it happens consciously or not. (I digress here a bit, but if you doubt this is real, look at the C-suite in any major corporation and one consistent theme is that it's exceptionally rare to see someone that's even overweight, much less obese.) Many people think that WLS is the easy way out, so don't associate weight lost this way as "redeeming ourselves" for the laziness and lack of self-control. In effect, only if you lose weight "naturally", are you proven "worthy" again. Frankly it sucks that these attitudes are so prevalent, but they are. I made the choices I did because I don't need anyone at work judging me or my motivations. As someone else said, I did this to save my life. We should be celebrating it. Instead, it's just more stigmatizing.

Ok, I'm the rare weirdo that was absolutely not worried about anything. I was so excited and so ready that there was no room for nerves. When I got to the hospital that day, my surgeon said they could give me something for my nerves if I needed it and he was shocked that I didn't lol I was laughing and chatting and just ready. I haven't regretted it at all. I'm 5 1/2 months out, and I will say the week before and 2 weeks after the surgery were the hardest. Week before because of the liquid diet and 2 weeks after because my stomach was ultra sensitive and I had a lot of pain at my incisions. Week 3 was better, and by week 4 I was completely fine. There will be some pain, and you will absolutely have to relearn how to properly eat and drink. But I promise you, this will absolutely improve your life so much if you follow the plan and put in the work. It's a very useful tool.

Yep! I've gone down in length and width! It was shocking to fit into "normal" sizes as I've always had extremely WIDE feet.

LOL, what you've said you've done makes you look like an amateur compared to me! I have 12 different calcium chews and 6 different bariatric vitamins. I stocked up on over 100 premixed protein drinks, several protein powders, grocery store foods, and dozens of different options of so called "bariatric" foods. There's no question that I went overboard, but maybe it's the boy scout coming out: I wanted to be prepared. I also didn't want to be a burden on my wife, and ask her to have to go shopping for me if I wasn't able to tolerate what we had in the house. I 100% agree with @ShoppGirl. If this is helping you feel in control, then I think it's healthy. Only you can decide if it's become a problem for you.

As long as you are not creating a financial hardship or hurting yourself or others in some other way this is actually a very healthy way of coping with anxiety. Sounds like you are a little nervous and taking control of whatever you can actually control in the process. So maybe you end up with a little extra food when you’re done recovering. I say Just donate it to someone or a food pantry if you can’t use it. I actually had a nurse that told me to do this when I had a melanoma. She suggested getting a binder and keeping copies of all my records and pet scans and stuff and taking it to each appointment with me. I never put so much effort into anything as I did in that binder. It helps to know that you are doing everything you possibly can (controlling what you can control at a time you feel slightly out of control). Ooh and you are definitely not alone in doing all the research or stocking up for this surgery either and I actually wish I had prepared more by cleaning cause it’s really hard to sit and stare at the mess post op and not get up and clean things. So I say keep doing what your doing. Just maybe pace yourself cause you still have three weeks.

Hello Rebecca! Good luck with your surgery! Best decision I made. Don’t have that funeral. You’ll see that food again and have a much healthier relationship with it in the future.

Wow! Your weight loss has been incredible! I am 1/2 an inch shorter than you and started at about the same place (328 lbs) but have stayed at 215 lbs for years now. I haven't been happy with that weight but am only now REALLY motivated to do something about it since I really want to have kids. I think I need to adjust my thinking about all of this though. I've been eating way more calories (2000 or so!) and maintaining where I am at. I never adjusted down further. I also started at about 1500 or so after the initial liquids stages. I now realize that I really need to be more restrictive if I want to drop more weight -- the malabsorption can only do so much!

Your comment ‘in my head I’m not satisfied’ set off alarm bells for me & I’m worried you may have developed an eating disorder of some sort even though you say you want to put on weight. Have a chat with your surgeon/doctor & ask for a referral/recommendation to a therapist who specialises in disordered eating. It’s hard to judge your weight without knowing your height but I would worry you are underweight at 100lbs. What does your surgeon or doctor say? I would also think you are eating very low calorie to be at that weight too so if you want to gain weight the first step would be to increase your caloric intake. You can do this easily without introducing cakes, cookies, etc. into your diet. Simply increase the nutritious foods you already consume. This can be through snacks & portion size if your portions are smaller than recommended. Not knowing your diet, consider adding multi/whole grains. Snack on cheese, fruit, vegetable crudities, nuts, some good fats like avocado. Your dietician would be best placed to advise you on this of course.

You seem to have a really cynical outlook on all of this. I, too, am a scientist by profession, and I've always been a bit of a pessimist, but I think sometimes, it's worth giving people the benefit of the doubt. It looks like you don't think your bariatric team has your best interests at heart. I know you've been burned before, and I also know what it's like to be constantly judged as stupid, lazy, noncompliant, untrustworthy, unworthy, etc. because of my weight, so I can understand your feelings about this, but don't forget that these are people who have devoted their careers to providing weight loss surgery. I'm not saying that they all genuinely care about alleviating the plight of the obese, or that they're sympathetic toward those of us in a position of needing this surgery, but I doubt there are very many medical professionals in the bariatric surgery field who are out to punish and criticize fat patients just for fun (or out of personal dislike of fat people). If for no other reason than their own self-interest, chances are that they want patients to succeed with weight loss surgery, and they are probably doing what they believe will contribute to their patients' success. Another thing to keep in mind is that sometimes people can be right for the wrong reasons. I've run into this in my own job, where someone has told me something that didn't seem to make sense, and I (as someone like you with an inquisitive mind) have gone looking for the real story, only to find that what I was told was correct, even though the reasoning was not. In this case, your dietitian might be giving you good direction even if she doesn't actually understand what she's talking about. Just because that dietitian (or even the whole bariatric team) doesn't know or understand the reasoning behind the rules, it doesn't necessarily mean that the rules are incorrect or arbitrary. Finally, if you hang around this forum for long enough, you will see that many patients want and need a lot of hand-holding. Some people would rather be given strict but arbitrary rules than loose guidelines. People are constantly on here posting questions like, "I had surgery X days ago; can I eat Y?" And honestly, considering that, I can't blame surgeons at all for wanting to make things as black and white as possible so they don't have to spend all their time answering these incredibly specific questions, tailored to each individual patient. Most patients are not medical researchers, and many want definitive instructions from their doctors. Many people would be paralyzed with indecision if they were told, "Some studies say X and others say Y; you figure it out." Ultimately, it's up to you to decide how closely to follow your surgeon's directions, and if you do your own research and believe you have found a better way, you can make that decision. But I would venture to say that you will likely have a better experience if you have a mindset of working WITH your bariatric surgery team instead of taking an adversarial approach.

I was a long term smoker, I continuously stopped and started smoking so many times. I only managed it in the end by being in a hospital bed for 11 weeks. I never had chance to smoke. I figured that the nicotine was now out of my system. That was 12 years ago and I have never wanted to smoke again. I would never have stopped otherwise. My point is you will not get any judging from me. BUT - You need to stop now if you want this surgery. I believe some hospitals will not do the surgery if they detect it. You need to be as fit as you can for any surgery, Life is very unfair, just when you need it most your go to helpers are taken away from you. It will be a battle of wills for you. I hope you win. Good luck