Leaderboard

This made me think about my own decision not to share my surgery with anyone that didn't have a "need to know". Virtually everyone I work with has never actually seen me in person, only via zoom, since we almost all work remotely. I didn't tell anyone, even my boss that I was having weight loss surgery. Quarterly, my larger team (50-60 folks) gets together in person now, but I've put off traveling for these meetings for most of the year. I used my significant hearing loss as the main rationale. I do have a significant challenge hearing in crowded rooms due to my hearing loss, so it's absolutely an issue. If I'm honest with myself though, I put off going mostly because I was ashamed of my weight. I also knew that after surgery, I'd be closer to a "normal" weight and while some might notice a difference between "video" me and "in person" me, I figured it won't be nearly as noticeable for most folks. Anyway, mid-December, I'm finally planning to go to the quarterly get together. Fair or not, I know 2 things are true, and I made the choices I did based on this: Being obese carries a significant stigma that we are lazy, have no self-control, are morally bankrupt, are unattractive, etc. I've seen and felt this personally and its impact on promotions and work assignments. No one will ever admit to feeling this way or letting it impact business decisions, but it happens consciously or not. (I digress here a bit, but if you doubt this is real, look at the C-suite in any major corporation and one consistent theme is that it's exceptionally rare to see someone that's even overweight, much less obese.) Many people think that WLS is the easy way out, so don't associate weight lost this way as "redeeming ourselves" for the laziness and lack of self-control. In effect, only if you lose weight "naturally", are you proven "worthy" again. Frankly it sucks that these attitudes are so prevalent, but they are. I made the choices I did because I don't need anyone at work judging me or my motivations. As someone else said, I did this to save my life. We should be celebrating it. Instead, it's just more stigmatizing.

Lots of people on this forum have had bad results from telling others about this surgery. Before this surgery I didn't want any negative input from people, so I only told my husband, son and BFF. Even now I have only told larger people who have seen the change in me and were genuinely interested in how I managed such a big loss. I am not an open person; the British reserve is a real thing. We don't share our feelings. I would never tell a waitress/ waiter why I wanted different choices, just that I did. If more people were like you then maybe some of the stigma would disappear.

I, for one, don’t believe i feel bad nor harbour any shame about my wls (or any other medical/surgical procedures i have had). I think its just not my bag to share my business to all indiscriminately (i mean, i have even been known not to tell new acquaintances my real name for months lol 😉 ) I have a friend who does keto/low carb. Whenever we go out to a meal together, she has a several minute conversation with the server about her food choices and why, and sometimes shares how much weight she has lost to date (or gained recently by “cheating”). Meanwhile, i just quickly ask to swap out my potatoes or whatever for salad and internally hope (while simultaneously outwardly looking like i’m waiting patiently, ha) for my pal to finish her discussion so we can get our food already!! 😂 But i get it, she is passionate and proud of her lifestyle and progress, and she’s a sharer, so of course she wants to share. And if/when she finds an eager listener, then score! Win-win. At the same time, there are others (like myself) who prefers to discuss aspects of my life to a curated audience. Ain’t nothing wrong (nor weird) with either.

I absolutely understand why some people don't want to tell anyone, and it makes me sad that they have to feel that way. This shouldn't be something we need to feel bad about. This is an amazing, lifesaving procedure and should be celebrated as such.

I noticed quite a few people don't want to admit to having WLS, and I totally get it. But when hubby and I go to a restaurant, I always tell the server that I had gastric sleeve surgery and I will definitely need to make a couple of substitutions on my meal and I will need a to-go box (any time we go out to eat, my meal is good for that night and at least 1, sometimes 2, more). I've had a few ask questions about it, and they all have always congratulated me and were more than happy to accommodate my needs for the substitution (typically I swap out potatoes and/or rice for a side salad or extra veggies). I'm always proud to tell them I had the surgery, and I usually include how far out I am from surgery and how much weight I've lost so far. Is that weird? I don't feel the slightest bit awkward or uncomfortable about it. Not at all. My family and friends all know and cheer me on. I was never shy or worried about telling people, and I don't particularly care if anyone has a problem with the fact that I had the surgery. Again, is that weird?

Yep! I've gone down in length and width! It was shocking to fit into "normal" sizes as I've always had extremely WIDE feet.

I didn't notice it as much when I had a pixie cut. Before I was forever untangling my very long hairs from the hoover and cleaning my hairbrush. It was bad from 4 to 8 months out

Your comment ‘in my head I’m not satisfied’ set off alarm bells for me & I’m worried you may have developed an eating disorder of some sort even though you say you want to put on weight. Have a chat with your surgeon/doctor & ask for a referral/recommendation to a therapist who specialises in disordered eating. It’s hard to judge your weight without knowing your height but I would worry you are underweight at 100lbs. What does your surgeon or doctor say? I would also think you are eating very low calorie to be at that weight too so if you want to gain weight the first step would be to increase your caloric intake. You can do this easily without introducing cakes, cookies, etc. into your diet. Simply increase the nutritious foods you already consume. This can be through snacks & portion size if your portions are smaller than recommended. Not knowing your diet, consider adding multi/whole grains. Snack on cheese, fruit, vegetable crudities, nuts, some good fats like avocado. Your dietician would be best placed to advise you on this of course.

I was a long term smoker, I continuously stopped and started smoking so many times. I only managed it in the end by being in a hospital bed for 11 weeks. I never had chance to smoke. I figured that the nicotine was now out of my system. That was 12 years ago and I have never wanted to smoke again. I would never have stopped otherwise. My point is you will not get any judging from me. BUT - You need to stop now if you want this surgery. I believe some hospitals will not do the surgery if they detect it. You need to be as fit as you can for any surgery, Life is very unfair, just when you need it most your go to helpers are taken away from you. It will be a battle of wills for you. I hope you win. Good luck

First off, I just want to say this very important thing, if you take nothing else away from this article, let it be this- People’s reactions to you are based on their relationship with themselves, not you. Always. Someone who is living at peace with themselves will have no need to harshly criticize, no desire to humiliate, and no feelings of unresolved jealousy. Sadly, once you understand this, you also realize how many people in your life are unhappy with themselves on some level. It makes it a little easier not to take things personally, but I would be lying if I said those things don’t hurt anymore. So how do you deal with friends and family members who are not living at peace with themselves? What practical steps can you take to be at peace with yourself so that you are able to reject those statements and hurtful judgments instead of internalizing them? Here’s the bottom line- You will always have people in your life who do not wish you well, who want to see you fail. If you do not learn to look past them and stay focused on you and your progress, and live at peace with yourself- you will experience re-gain. I love the words from Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” 1) Start with yourself- You need to be at peace with yourself. Who you are, what you weigh, your progress level, etc. Easier said than done, I know. But working towards that will allow you to bypass other’s opinions of you because you know who you are and where you’re going. A simple way to begin embracing yourself is positive self-talk. Start by looking into the mirror as often as you can, and saying things to yourself like, “I am a beautiful, peacefully person and I love me.” Say hello to yourself. “Hi Ash, you are a wonderful, beautiful person and I am SO proud of you.” It’s going to feel super painful and may trigger some emotions. Process those as they come, don’t shy away from the feelings that embracing yourself brings. If you need to cry, do so. If you smile, embrace it. Enjoy yourself. Changing that negative narrative in your head that so many of us carry around, is step one. 2) Be honest- When someone says something that’s offensive, it usually comes from one of 2 places: a poor relationship with themselves, or a lack of education. Use your best judgment to determine which it is. Keep in mind, there are a LOT of myths and misinformation surrounding bariatric surgery. Don’t assume people know more than they do. Think back to before you became an expert on Bariatric Surgery. How many questions you had, how many myths you thought were accurate. Seek to educate. But be honest, if someone makes a hurtful comment, let them know. Keep it simple, “Hey, that was uncalled for.” or “Please don’t say things like that to me.” Try to stay calm and in control. 3) Take a break- If you need a break, take one! Go for a walk, get out of the house, go listen to music alone. Don’t feel bad for needing a break. Family time can be stressful, don’t allow others to jeopardize your progress. When you’re stressed and anxious, you’re more prone to overeating which puts you back on that harmful cycle you’re working so hard to stay off of. Give yourself permission to stay home sometimes too, you don’t need to be at every single family gathering. It’s okay to opt out. People may get offended, they may try to make you feel guilty, but remember- it’s not about you. It’s all about how they feel about themselves. Those who are at peace with themselves will support you and do their best to understand where you’re coming from. 4) Stay focused- This is a tough one. Holidays pull our focus in so many directions, it’s easy for us to lose focus on our goals. Be proactive about making plans for yourself for food and exercising during the holidays. Being ahead of the game and staying on top of your plans will make you feel peaceful and accomplished. When you feel this way, your confidence is harder to shake and you will feel more secure. When you’re focused on a goal, it consumes your focus and the other things that pop up to derail you just fade into the background. Stick to your routine, take your supplements, and stay on track. You can do this! 5) Stay connected- Join a support group in-person or online, find an accountability buddy, hire a coach, or grab a friend who will keep you focused without judgment. Someone you can call, text or write to keep them updated so they can provide you with the encouragement you may not be getting from others this season. Having connection fills an emotional need that many try to fill with food. If you’re getting that need met, you won’t be as tempted to eat for comfort. Connection is something we all need, so make it a priority to have someone in your corner this holiday season. Remember, at the end of the day- this season is temporary. All the food, all the family, all the hustle and bustle. The things that can make or break this season. It’s all temporary. You are what you carry into the New Year. Your health journey is what lasts. Keep your sights on the long term. You can do this, I believe in you!