This is probably going to be a mess of a post. I tried to talk to a friend and just ended up crying and she didn't know what to say, and then when she tried to help it just made things worse. I know I am being a little nutty but I can't seem to find anyone that understands me right now.
My husband and I are leaving tomorrow for Arizona for the month of March. This is the first of what will be many "winter" trips south. I turn 50 in May and we have planned to spend our winters down there for a very long time. We will be spending the month with a new group of people that will be our "new" neighbors, they have never really met us in person, we have emailed back and forth and spoke on the phone but that is about it.
5th wheel is packed, pickup is packed, everything is ready, BUT I can't find any summer clothes that fit me. Last summer I weighed 230 plus pounds and my clothes are still in the camper from when we were at the lake, I am about 157 now. I went to town and couldn't find anything that really fit me, everything I tried on I felt silly in, my husband kept saying everything looked fine. I feel like I have skin everywhere, I have no boobs anymore (good or bad I don't know how I feel about that) , NOTHING feels right. I was angry at him for really no reason but still angry because I felt like he couldn't see what I was seeing.
I almost felt more comfortable in size 22. What the hell is wrong with me?
I can't get past this feeling, I can see the numbers on the scale change, I see the clothes size changes but when I look in the mirror all I see is ick. I don't see a slender body, I see a chubby body with a crappy wrapping job.
I have a freaking degree in psychology, I have spoke to kids about body dysmorphia in middle and high school, but I cannot seam to make my brain understand it has to work with my body on this......anyone else struggle with this?