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I guess I was very lucky with this one. The people who knew and know about my surgery (or rather multiple ones) are/were usually curious but not hostile. When going to restaurants or ordering food for special events they usually ask what I can eat or not (I don't eat meat/dairy) and if I'm ok with the choice they made. I can remember being at a fancy dinner after a meeting and one of my colleagues noticed me not eating that much even though the food was sooooo good (it was) and I freely admitted that I'd sometimes would like to be able to eat more, like e. g. tonight but that things are just as they are and that in the end it's not the end of the world. He asked some questions, I answered them and then we moved on to a different topic. I gave a damn that we we're surrounded by people. I'm not making it a secret, too much of a hassle. Of course I can't look into their heads and I don't know if they're talking negatively about it behind my back. I'm sorry to say so, but WLS patients are contributing to this stigma themselves by keeping their surgery a secret, sometimes trying to hide it at all cost and telling people they "just eating healthier and exercising" when asked about how they lost so much weight. This "keeping it a secret" is usually explained with wanting to keep medical privacy. While I completely understand that medical history is private I still would like people to ask themselves the question if they would be as private about going to the dentist because of wisdom teeth surgery or having taken their gall bladder out. In fact "gall bladder surgery" is a popular camouflage for WLS as it seems, so "medical privacy" doesn't really seem to be the issue in the end. There will always be toxic people in your environment. You can only try to get rid of as many of them as possible or at least limit contact to them as much as possible. Regarding first dates with guys: maybe try to meet them for coffee first, not for dinner. No eating involved at all or maybe only something small.

This may not be a popular line of thinking but here goes: <!-- Deep Thoughts, BEGIN --> I think that alot of WLS folks believe that those around them would naturally share the same opinions and thoughts they themselves have about it, because, I mean, its a good thing, right? Why wouldn't anyone and everyone with a heart and a brain support and cheer someone on who wants to better themselves (for whatever reason)? The reality is that not everyone will think the same way as you. Yes, one may get disappointed and hurt when those who we care about aren't on the same page, or react/behave in a way that we don't like/want/expect. Whatever their motivations are, in the end the only thing you can control is YOU. You have 3 choices (in terms of relationships, or anything else for that matter): work to change it, accept it, or leave it (and know when to do which). Anything else is doing a disservice to yourself. I know, easier said. But I think the sooner one can recognize what things help and what things don't help (and act accordingly) for any situation, the sooner one can exist in peace and contentment, no matter what situations or people cross their paths. <!-- Deep Thoughts, END...lol --> Good Luck! P.S. Re: Dating...take it easy and try not to put too much pressure on yourself...like attracts like. Again, I know, easier said. Good Luck! ❤️

There is still a difference between "hiding" and "advertising". Nobody wants patients to wear an "I had WLS. Kiss me!" shirt. But losing weight and giving people the "just diet and exercise, man" schlock is something that feeds into the lack of acceptance of WLS. There is always the middle ground. --- However, there will always be discussion about this issue and I think I have made my opinion on this clear more than one time in the past. In the end I won't change anyone's mind on this anyway. If people want to hide their surgery, they will hide it as best as they can. Some will be able to hide it, some will be outed and some will be talked about behind their back because people are not as naive as some seem to think they are.

So, I feel funny writing about this, but...has anyone else ever experienced a negative change in their social life post-op? I had my surgery back in January. Although my physical health has made drastic improvements, I'm afraid my mental health has taken a toll. I noticed people have been treating me very differently since having the surgery. I've been getting so many rude comments, I can't keep up. They think I "took the easy way out (not realizing it was actually quite the opposite: the last resort)," and/or are freaked out by all my new eating habits and restrictions or are saying cruel things like "oh, you'll just gain it back like so-and-so did anyway, you watch." A lot of them have also proceeded to claim my changed appearance "weirds them out." Some of my now ex-friends have even gone so far to complain that I "betrayed the body positivity movement by giving into society's expectations of what women should look like." What the actual heck? Even dating, something I thought would get better as I lost weight, is just as bad as it was before. Since I can't drink alcohol anymore or eat a lot of foods, guys have been pretty hostile. Although I've been private about my surgery while dating (simply stating I have a strict diet I need to follow), that hasn't stopped guys from being mean or rude. Bottom line here is I've lost a lot of friends this past year and my love life is no better than it was. I'm extremely lonely and depressed. Has anyone else ever encountered this? What can I do to change it? Why is there so much social stigma towards this surgery?

Hey i think youre brave for sharing your story with most people. Thisll help other obese people To have hope that perhaps bariatric surgery will help them as well. People downplay that obesity kills. Better alive with unnatural anatomy then dead with no potential for improvement. As for dating i agree to find other activities but most people do like to eat. I once read soup is a good thing to order as a bariatric patient When out with others and most places seem to have it. Keep up the good fight!

Some people may feel threatened or jealous. This is something that scares me, that I will lose people. I think in the end the people that are meant to be on your journey stay. As far as the others you just bid them farewell and good wishes. I have to admit before finally checking into getting surgery done. I had two friends that went to Mexico and had the sleeve done last year. I am admitting that I was green with envy when I saw them dropping weight. Here I was struggling with Hypothyroidism and emotional stuff and they were posting pictures looking phenomenal. I felt it wasn't fair. I sat and cried my eyes out because I have been working hard on my own to do it and nothing was happening. Having the initial appointment today was overwhelming. You have to change everything, so it is hard work and the stacks of orders of tests from the doctor. This surgery is a tool, not a cure all. No one lives inside your body, they have no idea what you go through. I have one friend that I connected with who has gone through this process (not to Mexico) and she is supportive. I am holding on tight to that friendship, because she may be the only one that understands. You are not alone. There is support out there, you just have to dig for it. I'm scared of the naysayers myself, but I know I have this forum, and that helps out tremendously. Sorry my answer is so long. LOL. -Best Wishes

As far as Bypass goes my surgeon and I spoke at length about how much bowel he would bypass. He did a short or 100cm bypass on me when most do 150-200cm I'm told. I preferred this as I'd come in for a sleeve with 65 pounds to lose and he convinced me with my history of GERD the Bypass would be better. I was concerned about malabsorption and dumping and he said he found the shorter bypasses had far less dumping and said the bloodwork of his patients was usually better with the shorter bypass as well. He did say the weight loss was sometimes slower with the shorter bypass. And mine definitely is with a 37 pound loss at 4.5 months post op. But I'm ok with it. So... not stomach size but bowel bypass... yes!

I initially told my kids (11 & 13) I was having another surgery to help my back get better (had two previous back surgeries) and they were going to remove some tissue that might be causing my pain. Eventually I told my oldest the whole truth, he was kind of impressed with the non-lie-lie and thinks it’s cool he’s one of the few people that know. I haven’t told the youngest yet because he’s oblivious to anything that’s not Fortnite related........ Edit: I showed him a pic of the part of my stomach they removed and he thought it was the coolest thing ever. 

I really appreciate all of the kind words and advice that everyone has given me. I am definitely going to get out of here within the next few days, and I know that there is a counselor on campus, so that might be a good idea for me to look into. I feel a lot better now and certainly feel less bad about focusing on my own success. Everyone here is very kind and supportive and I am really happy to have found these forums. I may end up deleting this post later on since it is fairly specific to us and I do not want her to find it and then try to start a fight. And for a small update; As of right now, she is throwing a pity party, and when I spoke to her to try to keep things calm between us she just gave me a short response in a sad voice. Again thank you to everyone who posted with advice, it was really needed and it was good to hear it from the perspective of people who really know what wls is like. I hope everyone has a wonderful day and a wonderful week!

I was put on a keto diet plan by my dietician for the 2.5 weeks pre surgery & I was ever so grateful. One friend was on 3 shakes a day for two weeks while another was on 2 shakes plus 1 high protein low carb meal for 4 weeks. Which ever plan you’re given stick to it. It starts the process of re-examining your food habits & making better food choices so you can take the best advantage of your surgery. Good luck with your surgery & on your journey.