Oh honey, I feel your despair in this post. My original surgery was scheduled for 1/14. I got the call two and half weeks prior to surgery that it wasn’t going to happen due to the strict guidelines of my insurance. I was DEVASTATED.
After many tears and talking with my girlfriends, I realized then I had been waiting on this surgery to be a fix-all that it just couldn’t be. I decided then I had to be okay with myself as I was before surgery. The surgery was just a tool I could use for my weight, but I had to be okay with Camille before and after surgery.
I started journaling and after I had isolated myself for two years because I hated the way I looked, I put on make-up every day, I did my hair, polished my nails and dressed up even to go to the grocery store. I went on a couple of dates. I found it okay to put myself out there and to treat myself, as I was, like someone who was worthy of being cared for even if it was only me I was doing it for.
i started being more gentle with myself and when that horrid voice inside my mind told me I would always be a fat loser, I told that b*tch to shut the hell up! I became even more invested in getting ready for the surgery that I had no idea when it would even happen. It finally happened on 3/3 and I felt I was prepared then and ready for it. I had not been ready for it mentally and emotionally in January. It was a blessing in disguise that my surgery was postponed.
Congratulations on losing 50 lbs already! What an accomplishment! See you’ve got it in you! You are worthy of happiness regardless of when you have your surgery. It will come. It will happen. This is not no, it’s just not right now. Focus on your and your family’s health and safety at this time and this will all work out. So you’ve gained 8 pounds back. I know it’s disappointing, but you can turn it around at anytime and thank goodness it’s not the 50 you already lost.
Keep posting and getting your feelings out instead of sitting on them and eating over it. You’re in company of kindred spirits who understand how you feel about this. Good luck and keep on your journey! It’s so worth it and so are you! ❤️