I can relate. I was so embarrassed and ashamed that I didn't even take a "before" picture, and always hid behind someone in family pictures. I would not accompany my husband to events, as I felt I would be an embarrassment to him. I would size up everyone in a room to see if I was the fattest. I tried to blend into the background. Social events, even just going to church was hard.
Get ready for a new life! Now I have so much energy I can hardly go to sleep at night. It has taken a bit to make the mental change from being obese to being pretty normal looking now, People seem to treat me differently, too, although I can't really know if that is real or only my imagination. Now I LIKE going out - especially when I can wear something new in a smaller size! It just feels so good to be average, I hid behind my weight for so many years, that it is now a little bit of a challenge to learn who I really am as a person and not as a fat person trying to hide. It truly is a journey and an adventure, for sure. But a GOOD one and one I wouldn't trade for a million bucks. I feel better, am healthier and depression is on the run. My joints don't hurt and I can actually do anything I want now physically.
I think we hardly know how much adipose tissue affects our well being. It produces inflammatory cytokines and hormones, ties up vitamin D, messes with our thermoregulation, and who knows what else. Then consider all the weight related conditions - asthma, GERD, sleep apnea (interferes with metabolism, glucose and cholesterol levels, hormones, urinary function), diabetes, arthritis, hypertension, depression, elevated lipids, infertility, fatty liver which can lead to cirrhosis and cancer...… the list goes on and on. YOU ARE ABOUT TO LEAVE ALL THIS BEHIND or at least greatly improve any existing conditions. You will be healthier and much happier. Yes, you will have work to do. Surgery is not easy, but you will recover. You will learn to modify your entire life. You will develop a different relationship with food. Everything is about to change! But if you know this is your last chance, you will do it and you will be successful. For many of us, there were no other options other than surgery. A lot will depend on your attitude - keep looking forward to the new you! Embrace the changes! Let the old stuff fall aside. You are a beautiful butterfly about to emerge from the chrysalis! You won't have to hide any more.