DS, get real -- most people would be angry if a spouse became disabled. If I was the disable spouse, I'd be angry. If I was the healthy spouse, I'd be angry. All of their long-term plans are to the wind. They have financial crisis. Spouse #2 works all day, comes home and has to tend to children and now spouse #1 who chose elective surgery. What sort of saint-like humans are they supposed to be? There are no unicorns pooping rainbows in that household right now.
@Thom I, too, have a disability -- a slowly progressive muscular dystrophy. I, too, am choosing bariatric surgery to lessen my long-term deterioration. I have a brother with the same condition as me who worked successfully for a 30-year career and now he's retired in his early 50s. I Can retired at any time, too -- I'm thinking about before my surgery. I have a cousin with the same inherited condition who didn't make good decisions, and has been on govt disability for a decade. When he moves to SS, his income will be in tatters. Its not an education thing -- I'm a PE, but both my brother and cousin never graduated college. One chose to work, the other looked for a way not to work . I would urge you to find a suitable job and contribute meaningfully to your family. You may think you are too nauseous to cook for your kids, but billions of women time immemorial have done this while nauseous and pregnant.