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“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” - Socrates Everyone does well out of the gates. We all impress ourselves when we start, what we believe to be, a new lifestyle change. However, "out of the gates," can mean different things for different people; for some it is two months, for others (usually depending on how strong the addiction or habit is) it can be two minutes. But what do we do when we fall from grace? The research on relapse (with any addiction; food, drugs, alcohol) is that recidivism is the rule not the exception. So why do we get so down on ourselves when we fall short of our goals? Why is it so hard to get back on the horse with the same vigor we had when we started? And how do we give ourselves a renewed sense of hope and motivation for change once we've fallen? One magical ingredient in the secret sauce (and one of many concepts I talk about in my book and my wls courses) that is lifestyle change is the novelty effect. The new plan to quit something or change a bad habit is something unlike we have ever done before, so we hope that we can achieve something we have never done before. The problem is that the moment we slip, that novelty loses its magic - and each time we start over, it loses its power to give us hope. So the solution is to cultivate more novelty. Our ability to continually grow and change is largely limited by our creativity. The more creative we become, the easier it is to take a different approach to change. To open a window when life seems to shut the door. In other words- what I am telling you, is that the only secret to long term weight loss maintenance is the knowledge that there isn't only one secret. There is no ONE diet that will forever change someone. Eventually people get tired of eating bacon and eggs every meal on Atkins, or grapefruit, or cabbage soup- but the thread they all share is their novelty. This is why all of them can work initially. Even as powerful as weight loss surgery is- people still find that they start to plateau or even gain the weight back if they aren't simultaneously addressing the behavioral and psychological factors that got them there in the first place. They too, must also continuously be creative about renewing one self throughout their lifetime. So the following is for all of you who are struggling today. Those that feel they have lost their way and perhaps feel disenchanted or disappointed. Below is a recovery "map" I created a long time ago for my clients, some struggling with substance abuse, others with food. It all works the same. Print it out, or copy and paste it in the notes section of your phone and take 20 minutes to fill it out with the things that are personally meaningful for you. This is not THE answer to long term recovery from addiction, but it is a fresh approach for many who feel stale at the moment: Baptism - Some ceremony to signal a renewed sense of hope and a fresh start. One client trying to recover from substance abuse, buried all of his wine and liquor bottles in his yard. Another client had a "garbage party" with her kiddos, and they loved smashing all the processed foods they had in their pantry and throwing them in the trash. Associations/triggers list all of the things that get you into trouble (being at a bbq, wanting to celebrate something, holidays, 7-10pm at night, date night, etc) Coping Skills (what gets you through the crave waves) These are the behaviors that you do INSTEAD of the addictive behavior. Extra credit if you are able to make a coping skill for each trigger listed above. Higher Desires/Vision of Self when you let go of your attachment to food and all the self loathing, mental, and physical heaviness it brings- what are you freeing your life up for? will you write a book? will you do more outdoor activities with your kids? do you want to resume an activity you once loved as a child? Is there a role model that inspires you that has done what you want to do? Cons Why are you doing this in the first place? These are the things that are hard to keep in mind when our reptilian mid brain (see last article) is at the wheel. What is personally meaningful? Does it age you? Does it make you feel out of control? Do you dread going on airplanes because you know you'll need an extender? does it prevent you from going to amusement parks with your kiddos? Spirituality (religion gets us into heaven, spirituality gets us out of hell) All addiction is what disconnects us from our deeper self and edges us further and further away from God (or whatever you like to call it) and our deeper spirituality. Spirituality is what allows us to move into the unknown, be comfortable with discomfort, and have faith that everything will be ok. It can include a gratitude practice, volunteering, play, aligning one self with nature, connecting with a spiritual e newsletter (mind body green, daily om, etc), generosity, etc. Daily Recovery Ritual (symbolic gesture to self every day that we are consciously devoting time to our recovery) What are the things you can do daily to symbolize to yourself that today is a new day? Keep it realistic or you won't do it. Vitamins, meditation, lemon water, supplements, self care, reaching out to a loved one, exercise, etc. Reward System What will you do for yourself if there is a certain period of time reached where you meet your goals? Will you get a massage at the end of every month? Will you plan a vacation after three months of solid goal hitting? Will you reward yourself with one day per week of going to the movies in the middle of the day and playing hooky if you're on the straight and narrow for five days? Strategy This is your "what." What are you doing daily to ensure that you are in alignment with your goals? Are you reading something fresh all the time? Do you make a timeline of your addiction and how it has affected your life? Do you go to local support meetings each week? Do you keep in touch with an online community? Do you make sure to give yourself small breaks while with the kids every day? Do you have a self care space set up in your house? Do you talk to a partner about how to change behaviors of theirs that might be hindering your efforts? can they get a mini fridge? Do you do acupuncture to balance your chi? Do you do yoga to manage your depression? Do you find a therapist? Recovery Resources (try to hit one each morning) what resources are in your pocket when you are feeling weak? bariatricpal.com? WLS journeys on Instagram? The Fix, Reddit, unique blogs documenting their weight loss journey, wls and vsg searches on Pinterest, etc. Good luck on your fresh start!

An Unpredictable Scale You are in the small and lucky minority if you lose weight as quickly as you hoped and as regularly as you expect. Everyone else should be prepared for many, many weeks when weight loss comes slowly or not at all. Lose patience, and you might give up on your Weight Loss Surgery journey. Stay patient, and things will eventually turn out right. Focus on the process, such as healthy choices each day, rather than the outcome, such as the scale number or your pants size. You can control your choices, and if you are making the right ones, the outcomes will come. They may just not come when you expect them. A Frustrating Healthcare System One of the biggest tests of anyone’s patience is navigating the system. In this case, you might be trying to figure out your health insurance system and get the reimbursement letter you deserve. Or, you might have more trouble than you had hoped when trying to contact your surgeon. Don’t let these nuisances throw you off. Your perseverance may save your life. Incomprehensible Relationships Anyone who has Weight Loss Surgery is almost certain to have changes in their relationships. When your lifestyle changes, so too may the way you interact with family members and friends. You are working hard to stay on your healthy plan, but they may be working hard to support you and/or understand you. Be patient while there is friction, as it can often turn out okay. You had better be prepared to return the patience if you want to keep your relationships. While you should not feel obligated to tolerate rudeness or anyone who undercuts you, you may need to get ready to have some tolerance for ignorance or friction due to changes in your lifestyle and attitude. Be ready to clearly explain your surgery to the important people in your life, and how it might affect them. Try to keep in mind that a sudden fit of anger from your SO might be a display of a moment of weakness while supporting you, for example, by keeping favorite foods out of the house. Not Knowing the Answer You might ask 25 people the same question and get 25 different answers. Your surgeon may recommend something different than your friend’s surgeon. You may get opposite advice from patients who each swear that their own experience was the “right” one. This gets frustrating! The truth is that, in many cases, there is no single correct answer. The best you can do is to be patient as you dig to find the best answer for your individual case. Understand that you are receiving everyone’s best guess, and the answer – for you – is something that can be determined only after gathering input from those you trust, and mixing their advice with your own intuition. Carry the patience one step further, since you may find out by trial-and-error that your first guess was wrong! Diet You have no doubt studied the Weight Loss Surgery diet and seen warnings about feeling too full, dumping syndrome, and developing intolerances for former favorite foods. Reading about these and experiencing them are two different stories, though! Since they are out of your control, your best bet is to accept and deal with them, not to fight them. Being patient can help you succeed in your weight loss surgery journey. It can keep your weight in check long term, and also keep you mentally fit for minimizing the stresses linked Weight Loss Surgery. Keep practicing it, and your efforts will be worthwhile.