Hello all,
I am going to be sleeved on Tuesday (19th September 2017) and I found myself on this website this evening creating a profile...
I suppose I am on here for some support and guidance, but also because I thought it might help center my own thoughts about my journey to 'have to' type it out. Mini therapy, I guess.
I also couldn't find - maybe I was being lazy - too many people sharing their journey with my sort of stats, so many I will be helpful to some younger, female patients on the 'light' side of the scale in terms of what to expect etc. We are all in this together!
VITAL STATS
Age: 26
Height: 159cm or 5'1"
Weight: About 86.5kg, or 190lbs - I will verify this and put it on my signature when I am weighed pre-op.
Female
Location: Australia, home for the operation but I live in London, UK.
Surgery + Date: Gastric Sleeve 19/09/17
JOURNEY TO NOW
I suppose I always had a bit of a problem with my weight. I have certainly gone through periods in my young adult life where I was slim. The trouble for me, I suppose, is that I have an identical twin sister who has always been slimmer than I have (maybe 5-7kgs) and, as such, I have always subconsciously felt like the 'bigger' twin. My twin is tiny - she is now about 20kgs lighter than me and it really gets me down. She lives in Australia still and I am in London, but imagine living with a 20kg lighter version of yourself! Someone who is exactly like you but 25% less weight. It can be hard, although she is really supportive.
I am a really emotionally stable and rational person, but I have self-control issues and I emotionally eat. In the last 2.5 years, I have gone through 2 serious break-ups. The first was with my boyfriend of on-again/off-again 9 years...and the second was with a man I loved possibly more. I turned straight to food and alcohol (which I seldom drank prior) to forget the pain I was feeling and to be able to get on with work. Over this 2-2.5 year period, I have gained about 25kgs. I remember being 62kgs at Christmas 2013, and when I was weighed a month or so ago at the surgeon's office I was 86.6kg. To say I was devastated was an understatement.
Although I admit I have self-control issues, I certainly have it within me. I guess I would classify as an 'all or nothing' person; I can easily eat and eat and eat, but when I reallllllly get on a roll with a diet, I am the type to be able to starve myself. This has lead in the past (over 10 years) to yo-yo dieting and I have tried it all; starvation, protein shakes, exercising, duromine/metermine pills...really anything. Sometimes it has worked, sometimes it hasn't.
My mother has been overweight my whole life and although she doesn't have diabetes, her mother did. I live in a family of eaters and providers, and I see patterns in my own behaviour that mirror my mother. My mother was a very attractive woman in her youth - she is still attractive now actually - but I do not wish to see the same health and aesthetic issues she has repeated in my own life.
I find myself not wanting to go out and socialise because I have nothing to wear; my clothes don't fit and I always tell myself I should lose weight before I buy more...I say no to outings, I hide away and eat. I am embarrassed about my weight - I hear myself telling people that I 'put on weight recently' and over-compensate for it by saying how I used to be slimmer....I go shopping and I don't even bother to look at perfectly normal, lovely clothing because I seem to have subconsciously (or otherwise) decided that I could never wear something like x, y, z. All of this might seem extreme given that I seem to be less overweight relative to some people on this forum - but I am sure these are issues we all share to varying degrees. Also, I am so short and small in frame that my weight is probably largely as evident as others.
All in all, I suppose I subconsciously 'decided' I was chubby years ago and have become obese as a result. It is such an unhealthy pattern.
GOALS
First goal: get under 80kg. Second: get under 70kg. I want to take it as it comes. But, longer term: to be 60kg or under. 55kg would be ideal. 60kg would be great, too.
NSV: Throw out all the old clothing I have been wearing to cover up - aka my 'fat' clothes.
NSV: Buy size 28 jeans for comfort, like I used to. I am currently in a 32 of the same jean.
To be honest it's really hard to write my goals as I have not yet even conceptualised this working! It has been so long since I lost weight and felt good that I can't even remember....perhaps I will work on the goal list later!
I'm also gonna post some headless pics....I think that will help me...
Anyway, this is a start. I have an appointment on Monday to see the Dr and take bloods...then it's straight to it on Tuesday.
Wish me luck!