Thank you Chris,
I am new to writing on here so thank you for the response. You are correct this is why I contacted a behaviorist as they help with wounds of our past; thoughts that are in the back of our minds... and I was never a couch potato; I Had sports injuries that left me aching and in need of surgeries on my feet and then the knee which I am using an orthopedic chiropractor that really has helped me avoid surgery.
I followed my plan exactly. I refused to try any foods not on my list or drinks after one year and I looked and felt beautiful. I just keep looking better and better ... had some positive things to look forward to but even they were only for "a time" and I had to start thinking of my life again and how to create it but realizing: my past was still with me chose to seek the Behavoirst and work with EMDR which helps re wire the brain during situations that were not handled in a way I would have at this time.
I can eat in moderation but seems my body thinks of Bread it's in my head so I'm learning how to look at an old thought and feel it, then close my eyes and change it to how I would handle it now.
But: I'm still not exercising properly, walking, and I am happy to have removed the 130 lbs but it was put on from sitting and being in pain alot waiting for a surgery on my feet to be created. I ate didn't move enough.
So now I am working in the house/ dumping things/ organizing/ changing/ and I'm just starting to think of me for a change.
I am more focused now on what I am doing and can think: If I want to eat something or think I do, It's lovely to look at on the shelf at the store, I can pick it up and think of how it taste, I also can think "Is this healthy" and put it back if its' noooo. But I do have to STOP purchasing the wine because I am not where I want to be in life. There are things I haven't done and I have to begin to take some risks.
When I began to eat: I remember trying small amts of food and if I ate just a little too much the GERD came back and so much phlem like came out of me it was horrible. So that solved GERD. I also found out if I drink too fast or eat too fast: I sneeze or get the hick ups.. crazy but it's true. My stomach feels terrible so I now feel it expanding and know: bag it and enjoy it when I get home. That's the greatest part.
I know when I get out and do normal things rather than stay at home. I tire faster, sleep better and I'm feeling more energy.
Hoping once this counseling is further down the road: I will feel the strength to Volunteer but with my feet and back: I have to be careful.
An orthopedic chiropractor is amazing for us after surgery. They even use a acupuncture gun to help with cravings and keep us healthier in line without bodies. The wt gain I carried left my hips with osteoporosis. I take a shot and would recommend seeing someone for bone density after a year out to determine if that's the case for others. I am vitiman d deficient so taking that now to not feel so tired.
I think I will have the burger without the bun next time as it just turns to sugar and seeing myself sit in a chair when I had room for half another person before is hard when I felt so happy wearing size8-10 comfortably and now the roll and flab take up space that was gone last yr.
I wanted to be honest and up front with my issue because I never thought I would drink a drink again...but Water just didn't taste good even with the flavoring.
This year without my animals: I will look more to myself and my needs so I have no excuse but to take care of ME♥