Leaderboard

Going into Month 4 now Still a challenge to get what my body needs. I am still strugglig to get all the protein and water in and even food. Still a few bites here and there. But I can eat junk food Sucks becuase I dont want to. The weight is coming off a bit slower now. I am starting to easein working out. So far I lost 36 lbs since Jan 5. I was in the 200"s now in the 160"s My first goal is pre wedding weight if 157. I don"t know from there how much. I like to get to 145 as my 2nd goal and go from there. So happy ! But eating is a pain. Stomach still gurlgles like crazy.

To be honest I feel numb about my surgery right about now, there's not much excitement anymore, pretty much like okay lets do this and get it over with. On the other hand part of me is like meh I'm not ready because I don't know how to prepare pureed foods and if I -have- to prepare them. I'm stressed out. Too many things going on at once and while the pre-op liquid diet gave me an awesome 24 pound weight loss I can't be excited or focus solely on this surgery because I just moved into my own place and still need so much stuff so I'm spread thin and I need a bunch of new furniture but I don't think I'll be able to lift things for a while. I'm overwhelmed and it sucks. I've become absent minded and started making poor choices in terms of financial priorities. I can't think straight and common sense has not been my best friend lately. Not sure if it's because of stress or that I haven't had a good meal in a while now. I have somehow survived this pre-op liquid diet, I don't know how but I did. I hung in there and been following the directions precisely although today I went overboard on apple juice and had 5 glasses of it but only one bowl of broth and that's all I've had all day so maybe that's not so bad. Maybe it is because I'm a diabetic I don't know. Yeah...So one more day and it won't be spent resting. It'll be spent running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I have to get my hair done so I won't look like a wild lion tomorrow, my therapist wants to see me one more time before my surgery so I have to see her because it might be the last time since she's being transferred somewhere else. I have to go by my apartment and pick up my overnight bag for my hospital stay and then I have to go grocery shopping for when I come out of the hospital, then last but not least visit my grandma in the hospital and then call everyone in my family just in case it's the last time I'll ever speak to them but I'm not worried in the least about that. I don't think I will die. This body has been through a lot but it's strong. Everything wrong with it is just weight related but that's about to change. I'm hoping two months from now I will be in a position where I can actually appreciate the surgery and the sleeve, appreciate my new apartment and the things I have and I know that I should appreciate them now but I can't. I just feel too anxious and overwhelmed.