I know what you mean. I think this is the lowest I have ever felt. Maybe it's because for the first time ever I am taking a long, hard look at what I am doing to myself. I used to pretend to embrace it, act like it didn't bother me. You know, the whole "jolly fat person" thing. Well I am not jolly. I am hurting, both emotionally and physically. I really want this to work. I know I need help, that left to my own devices I will die this way.. I am so hoping that the next phase is anger, lol. At least anger is an actual feeling. It definitely helps me to see all these people being successful after revision. I want that, too.