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Hi everyone! I am now settling into North Carolina life. This is the place I will come home to recover, the place where I'm sure many tears and deep thinking will happen. But I hope this will also be the place in which I become a better me. A stronger me. A healthier me. My stepmom has been a wonderful resource so far. While I have only been here 3 days (tonight is my third night) we have already talked candidly about weight loss surgery and she has been impressed with how much I've gleaned from the interwebz. Although a lot of my "insider" info she talked about I knew because of all you guys. My next steps will to find a job (probably a part time so that I have the time to get to therapy, doctor's appointments etc) and to go ahead and make my next weigh in/check in. I am incredibly excited to be on this journey and will continue to update y'all as time progresses.

It has now been just over two weeks since my revision surgery. I still miss my band but I am adjusting. I am finding that I still get full with the same amount of food that I ate with my band - give or take a cup full. I have discovered I can't eat salad right now - which is very sad - it is summer in Florida and I lived on salads - but that is OK, I can find something else. I have, so far, resisted temptation to eat the evil stuff like bread, pasta, pizza, cookies, cake, pies, ice cream...you guys know..the good stuff! I am not back to my full exercise program yet, that could take 4 more weeks, but I am walking twice a day about 20-30 minutes each time and I am pleased with that. I am looking forward to getting back in the pool as soon as my incision heals. Life after the band, is different. I never really thought about "not having my band". I was 59 years old when I got it..I thought I would be taking it with me when I left this world. Well, I guess that joke is on me now. I am trying hard to be very cautious as to not upset the plication..All I can think about is the seem on a pair of pants that are too small and watching the stitching come out..That would be the plication ! I cannot let that happen no matter what. I still do not know if I will be allowed to have another form of WLS or if the plication will be OK. So many questions....I see the surgeon on the 27th of May for another follow up and I guess I will be able to get some answers then. I begin the B12 shots on Thursday and I hoping that will give me some of my energy back. I hope this blog finds you all well and "listening to your band". I saw a posting just a bit ago from a person who "thinks she may have a slip" and her symptoms sure sound like it. I will be watching, praying and hoping that she is wrong and that her band will be OK..This is not a happy thing when it happens. Take care my banded buddies and have a great week. Melinda in Florida

I want to start this entry out on a positive note... I'm still doing great with my band. I'm losing inches and pounds and I still love my band. Now, if any of you know my back story you know last April I had a serious medical issue that put me in ICU for several weeks on a ventilator and dialysis. I recovered thank God and my Dr.'s were optimistic about my kidneys. I was just told under no circumstances was I to take any kind of NSAIDS. Well, a week and a half ago I started feeling sick and noticed I was retaining fluids, then it occurred to me that I hadn't tinkled in almost 36 hours. Got blood work done and of course I was in kidney failure again. I had to go back on dialysis for a week and luckily my kidneys started working again this last weekend. BTW, I'm one of those lucky people that dialysis makes me feel deathly ill. The anti nausea medication didn't help. So, I've just been miserable. My Renal specialist is less optimistic about my prognosis now. I no longer had acute kidney failure once! I now have kidney disease. Most likely... Ah, I'm not even going to say it. It just sucks because now I have to take two more medications added to the list of many that I already take. My take away is this... I compromised my health by being so fat. I was on so many medications for all my different ailments that I eventually made my body sick as it was trying to process all the meds. Now, I have to deal with the consequences. Confession: I'm not good at getting my daily fluid intake in and for someone with my history that is a huge no-no! I'm not having a pity party, I'm just dealing with the gravity that I've potentially done irreversible damage to my body that could down the road put me in need of new kidneys. But, today... I'm done with dialysis! There are now foods that I have to stay away from completely to help my kidneys function properly and no alcohol. Bummer dude! I'm kicking myself in the arse for waiting so long to have the surgery. In my mind I have those " What ifs" floating around. But, I'm still standing and as long as I am, I'm going to stay the course. I'm going to reach my goal. I'm going to finish what I've started and be the best and most healthy me I can be! Plus, I have a grand baby due next month and I wanna be a GILF! Too much? Too soon? LMAO!! Till next time, ~T

Expectations. I think one of the biggest problems with my gaining and losing weight over the years is my expectation of the situation. Reading the forums here I see that I'm not the only one who suffers from expectation problems. For example in late 2012, I joined Ideal Protein. It's a medically supervised low carb, high protein diet that garners relatively fast results. I was expecting to lose weight quickly and I did. What was the problem? I expected to lose it faster than that! I expected to lose 100 lbs in under 6 months and when I had successfully lost 75 lbs I couldn't really consider it a success. I wanted to but I didn't make my goal. I didn't live up to my expectation. Had I looked at the reality of the situaton: I LOST 75 LBS IN 6 MONTHS perhaps I woiuld've been more gentle with myself. Perhaps I would have taken more pride in my accomplishment, perhaps I would've care more or acted sooner when I started to feel the weight start to slowly creep back. My reality was that I had already failed at this process and so the 5 pound gain that turned to 10 which quickly morphed to 50 lbs was simply more failure. With this process I'm trying really hard to have zero expectations of how it's going to work out but that's easier said than done. From my first meeting the expectation was that it would take months to fulfill the insurance company requirements. I wasn't going to let that deter me. Just proceed on and understand that this could take a while. Nutrition and Psychology and the toughest to schedule with people waiting MONTHS to get appointments. I was prepared. I had zero expectations. My psychology appointment was booked on a Wednesday for the following Monday. WHAT? When I discovered that my 6 months at Ideal Protein covered my nutrition requirements and I only had to see the nutritionist twice through the surgeons office I was pleasantly surprised but I was told that scheduling them could take months. I had my two appointments within 30 days. That was better than any expectation I could've set for myself. As of yesterday, I have fulfilled all of my requirements for the insurance company submittal process so now I have to wait. I know that it can take up to 7 weeks to get an answer from my insurance company but I plan to just continue to have zero expectation of time. It will unfold as it has to unfold and I will yield to the time gently. I'm going to carry this out to my surgery and then to my weight loss following surgery. I know that there are many people who have lost extraordinary amounts of weight in short periods of time. I know others who have had more stalls than a football staduim's restroom but I am neither of those people. I am me and my weightloss will be unique to me. My goals is to: Follow my surgeon's instructions Make my meal planning a priority Keep my body moving Educate my family on what this surgery is doing for me Not compare myself, my diet, my surgeon, my instructions to any other persons Have zero expectations of how this wll play out but know that if I just follow the rules it will play out as my body needs it to. Tha'ts my new reality.

I was very fortunate. I chose to tell only a few family members and close friends, but each and every one of them were very supportive. I deliberately chose not to tell the people who I knew would be negative. I have one friend, in particular, who was heavier than I was and after hearing me talk about my upcoming surgery and the reasons I chose to have WLS, she even had surgery herself, five weeks after I did. So, now, we walk together and support each other like only someone who has gone through this process can.