Leaderboard

Today I'm two weeks out from surgery. I feel so much better even from a week ago. Today I had to go back to the clinic to have a nurse examine the incision sites and get a date for my first fill. All of that went well and the nurse was pleased with my progress. I am too! I'm struggling a bit with hunger and apparently that's normal. I eat approximately every two hours or so, though my caloric intake is good and I track everything on myfitnesspal. I track even a dash of pepper or salt. All of it. I have upped my protein level. According to the literature I received from my clinic, about 65 grams is good, but that doesn't keep me sated at all. I hover near 90 grams a day. I'm still very low fat, very low carbs, very low sodium. I exercise, but truthfully - not everyday. I'd say I'm at 5 of 7 days and it's all been walking. I'm still going to a therapist who I adore and yesterday we spoke about body image and the pain that causes me to this day. Shame, guilt, frustration. Coupled with my weight is that I'm very tall and you stand out when you are obese, let alone tall. I want so much to figure out how to reconcile all of this because I'm convinced it's one of many keys to my weight loss. As a child, I wasn't given the freedom to discuss my feelings. If you were angry - you couldn't express it, if you were unhappy for any reason, you just didn't say it. Those feelings must be dealt with and it's unnatural to not express them. My anger formed my depression. I'm so grateful I'm on my way to learning about why I do what I do, and how to better care for myself. I may sound down, but I promise, I'm not, I'm pleased I'm working away on me. Nancy

Hi all! I'm back from my 8 day retreat in the valley of the sun! After suffering through a BRUTAL Chicago winter, I was excited and relieved to get out of town for a LOT of rest and relation. Notice I did not say a little r & r. Nope. Other than checking with the office a few times during the week, I focused on nuthin' but sun, golf and partying. I was freaking out about my weight before I left on this trip. I had tried like heck to break the 180 barrier before I got on the plane. That didn't work out. I left about 2.5 pounds over that mini goal. Well, this made me freak even more during my vacation. I knew there was no way I could follow my plan. Everyday was filled with nice breakfasts, wonderful lunches, outstanding dinners and, of course, adult beverages of every variety. I was in trouble. Instead of throwing in the towel and going on an eating and drinking binge, I decided to go with the flow. But ... I was smart about it. I used smart food choices all week. I really limited any breads, potatoes and pastas. I ate fish as much as possible, even in the fancy steak joints. I steered pretty clear of sweets and deserts. I ate protein bars and SkinnyPop for snacks when available. I tried to make sure I ate something healthy about every 3 hours. I walked as much as I could. Even the seven rounds of golf I played using a cart, still required me to walk about 3.5 miles each round. This brings us to the adult beverage portion of our story. Did I abstain from beer, vodka and wine? Hell no. I was on vacation with a bunch of adults. It's part of the deal. It's part of enjoying life. Did I over do it? Hell no. I had 2 beers during the week. I've been hankering for a frosty Corona with a lime for months. So I had a couple. I had a few vodkas and soda every day. No sugary juices or mixes. I had a few glasses of fine wine during the week. So, yes I imbibed. But no, I did not drink like a sailor on a three day leave. I got on the plane coming home resigned to the fact that I would probably hit 185 on the scale on Monday morning. Anything over that would piss me off. I didn't want to start my week back to work in a bad mood, so I decided to not weigh in for a week. This would give me time to lose those vacation pounds and ease my fat fears. But, I couldn't do it. I had to know. I pulled out my fancy fitbit scale this morning and jumped on. Ready for a deserved kick in the nuts. Imagine my surprise when my friendly fitbit scale told me I weighed 181. 3! Less than when I left. This is a SCALE victory. My fancy fitbit scale gave me more than just good news on my weight. It showed me that I can go on a vacation and enjoy myself like a normal thin person. It gave me a glimpse into my future. Someday I will move to the maintenance side of this project. And this is will be my life. As long as I make healthy food choices, drink moderately and stay active, I can maintain. This is what normal people do. And that's what this whole journey has been about. Being normal. BTW, is it normal to crave margaritas? I'll have to ask a skinny person. See ya soon. jt Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to: mccgolfer99@gmail.com I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog!