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I'm tired, really tired and pretty weak. On the other hand, I'm soooooooooo glad to be on this pre-op because it's helping me so much in gaining control. Yesterday it dawned on me that the Unjury Chicken Soup wasn't discussed in any of the handouts I have. I checked with the dietician and she says it's off limits during this phase, so yesterday, it was just Slim Time for me. I tried the chocolate during lunch and used the chocolate and put in a fair amount of peppermint extract. Made me imagine that I was eating Girl Scout Thin Mints. Any trick will work for me. Other than being tired I feel fine, hungry at times but I just continue to swamp myself with water. I'm glad that I drank a lot of water before I started this (it's maybe the ONE good thing I've done for a long long time), otherwise I'd struggle to get it all in. Along with surgery, I'm also spending time with a therapist who specializes in obesity and family issues. I've long been convinced that my eating difficulties are related to 'stuffing' emotional issues. I can see now how I had few outlets for my emotions and that translated into me eating to sooth myself. I have to learn new behaviours. I'm glad I'm doing therapy at the same time. I think my odds of relapsing will be lessened if I could just get a handle on why I do what I do (binge eating, overeating, etc.) and how to stop doing what I've always done. It's not to say that I think I wouldn't relapse - god that scares me SO much. My parents were alcoholic and they never relapsed but they talked about how easy it is, and I equate this to something like alcoholism - an addiction. Once I start with the carbohydrates and the sweet stuff I am lost and reigning myself in is very very difficult. I'm blessed that I can have this surgery and for now, I'm grateful for the pre-op diet.

I went clothes shopping yesterday & for the 1st time in a LONG time, I saw something different in my reflection as I tried on a pair of pants. I took a long, hard look at myself, tilted my head & actually saw myself as "thin." Yea, that's what I said, THIN! I actually fit into size 8 pants. Yup, a size 8. I think my average pant size in high school (31 years ago) was a 10, so I'm fitting into smaller clothes. I saw a pretty sleeveless little black dress in the fitting room (size Medium) that someone else left behind. Feeling a little brave, I figured ah, what the hell. I haven't warn a dress in YEARS so let's try it on. Oh... my... goodness... Not only did it fit, but it actually looked really nice! I mean, it really looked nice. I had an attractive hour glass figure. Seriously, me! I came out of the dressing room to show my husband. He winked and said "very nice," followed with, "are you OK?" I smiled because I actually had tears in my eyes. I was overwhelmed with such emotion. I didn't cry but I could feel something deep inside me. It almost felt like a happy confusion because there was no denying that I was no longer overweight. I'm still amazed. After 1 1/2 years on this weight loss journey, I'm finally comfortable & quite happy in my own skin! Ahhhhh..... feels good, damn good!!!