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i just went for my initial consultation at Dr. Lavin's office this week (2 1/2 hour drive!) I met with the nurse practitioner and we went over all the basics to get me approved. I have to jump through so many hoops. i also have to do a sleep study to see if i have sleep apnea. other than that my appt was pretty uneventful. they said i will have 1 night stay in the hospital and then i can go home. i will prob be out of work for a good 3 weeks. the hardest part of the appointment was looking around at the people in the waiting room and realizing where i was.... i was a fat chick in a weight loss surgery office. it was a coming to jesus moment. how did i let myself get this far? i'm tired of my life being about my weight! DH said his coworker told him the other day that i looked like i lost weight. although it was a great compliment, i don't want my weight to be what people see when they look at me.

My surgery date is March 12th. So grateful to have the date and in many ways I wish it was sooner and yet I'm glad for preparation time. I know people that have had bariatric surgery of one sort or another and I seen their - well - their lack of success. Both have gained back all of their weight. One person is working to restore her health, the other isn't. In this past year I've examined obesity. What keeps people obese? Why is losing weight so hard? Why is keeping it off harder? I'm closer to some of those answers but not totally clear on all of it yet - if I ever will be. A part of my decision making on have a lap-band put in is that I want to better understand the psychological reasons for why I do what I do? And I decided that for me, the connection I must make is with a therapist, a doctor, and as I progress with both of those - surgery. Interestingly enough - the people that I do know that have eaten around their surgery had limited support. Both people had their surgery away from their homes and struggled to find outside support. I know I have to take full advantage of the support I have at home and with my team. Do you think support groups and some sort of team support has helped you?

Well it has been three months since my last blog (6 months from surgery) and I'm happy to say I've lost another 30 lbs for a total of 90 lbs lost!! Current weight- 274. Whoo-hoo!! I think this is the first time ever that I've lost weight during the holidays. I've been averaging a loss of 10 lbs a month. Very happy with that. I've been getting very small fills. In fact I've only got 3 cc's in my 10 cc band. I still don't have alot of restriction but I count my calories, exercise and follow the rules. We've had a very cold winter so instead of doing my walking outside I've been doing low impact cardio workouts. My two favorite being Shapely Girl and the Biggest Loser Power Walk. I'm looking forward to warm weather and today I signed up for the Blue and You fitness challenge. This is something I did last year and it's basically just making a commitment to exercise 3 days a week for at least 30 minutes. Now what I'm really excited about is that I signed up for my first 5K!! It is May 3rd and I have the option to walk but I would love to run as much as possible. I know I can easily walk 3 miles but I haven't even attempted to run. I have wanted to try running but I don't want anyone seeing me. I know this is something I need to get over but when I go to the walking trails the only people I see running are already really fit and skinny. Ugh!! Well time to get over it because starting this week (wait it's snowing) ok next week I'm going to start training for this 5K. So besides all that my band seems to being doing well. I have had some pain in my left shoulder for about 3 months now. At first I thought I had injured it but then I realized that the way the pain would come and go, hurt when I would bend over for any length of time (cleaning) and when first laying down in bed that it seemed to be a nerve issue. I did some research and found that it is not uncommon for bandsters to have this pain. It is caused by a nerve- phrenic nerve- that runs through the diaphragm. It hurts everyday but luckily not ALL day so I can handle that. Other than that I haven't had any problems really. There is nothing I have found that I can't eat (but alot I choose not to!!) Oh yeah, I had a pretty sweet NSV this morning. I was chatting with a co-worker this morning and looked down and realized that I had my legs crossed. Wow! It's been a long time since I could do that.

Hello there, I'm your Lardy Duchess and I'm wanting to write about my weight loss journey. I was a skinny child, really skinny, and was sometimes called "boney". I haven't been called that in many years and really, I'm not aiming for that ever again. In my late teens I began to gain weight. Somewhere in the 1980's I lost all that excess weight, and promptly put it all back on. I think at the time I just thought that simply because I lost it once, I was good for a lifetime. Since then I've been on every diet known to mankind. I don't want to name them all here, but I can't think of one well known or notoriously horrid 'diet' I haven't been on. I've tried deprivation, excessive exercise and now, now that I'm in my mid 50's, I'm announcing right here, right now, I'm done with all of that. It's destructive and harsh and horrible. For those that say - well now come on Duchess - you can do it. Just control yourself and exercise, I say yep, that is great, everyone should do that. I can do that - until I can't do that. Until I can't stop myself. This is like an addiction - on the wagon - off the wagon. Dieting/not dieting. It never ever ends. I come from a family with addiction and abuse issues. That's not an excuse - it's merely a reality. And I feel addicted to food. Unhealthy food in unlimited portions, in scary sizes. It dominates me, dominates my thoughts, controls me. If you've ever been there, you get it. If you've never been there, I suspect you won't understand. Then again this blog isn't for you either probably. Many things have contributed to this weight loss blog and I'll be writing about some of those issues, but I also value my privacy and may elect to not be public about everything. It feels like if I write it all down, and tell those that can relate on some level, that somehow, someway I'll mend myself - a selfish endeavor maybe, but it's my truth.