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A couple of nights ago I awoke at 2 am to go to the bathroom. On a whim, after I was done I stepped on the bathroom scale…to find that I have lost 100 lbs since the start of my pre-op diet; and 90 lbs since surgery on May 22, 2013. I had a hard time going back to sleep I was so excited! I want to lose (I think) about 39 to 44 more. I will be a healthy BMI for my height when I lose 20 more, so I will reevaluate then. I cannot describe the mindf*** having reached this goal is! I knew it would be though….I had faith I’d get here, and yet I am still shocked that I got here. I’ve worked hard, but because of so many failed attempts in my past, the fact that my hard work is actually paying off this time is mind blowing. I am thrilled beyond belief and am filled with wonderment! I need to post before and after pics maybe -- just to help me wrap my head around this. I can’t believe I’ve lost 100 lbs. I can’t believe I weighed 100 more lbs than I do now just 8 months ago. I still feel like me, so how can this be? I do feel SO much better. I feel totally different and very much the same – all at this same time! It is so bizarre. I feel so different in all good ways, and very much the same, also in all the good ways. All the clothes that were once too small for me are now too big. The size 12’s I got so that I could shrink into them, now all of a sudden are too big, and I think “How can this be? What is this strange phenomenon? “ LOL The holidays were an interesting learning experience for me. I got to “onederland” the morning of Thanksgiving, which was Nov 28. Between that day and Dec 30, a month later, I had lost only 4 lbs. Don’t get me wrong, I do see the value in losing 4 lbs, especially during the holidays, when in years past that was a major gain time. But it was a significant slow down from recent months. Over the holidays, I had alcohol, I had sweets, I had bread – no never in large quantities, but I loosened the reigns compared to how I have been eating. I also during this time did not always follow the “protein first “ rule, and I sometimes sipped a beverage with my food. I did all of this mindfully, fully aware of what I was doing, I went slow so as not to over do it, but I was definitely “celebrating” -- I was doing so to enjoy the family holiday meals and such. I knew the consequences would be slow weight loss and/or maintaining. But it was MY decision and I was in complete control. Ah, it was so liberating. I believe I have seen a glimpse of what maintenance might be like when I reach goal. I feel strong, ….and I feel taller I was doing some Pilates on the living room floor the other night and my husband came in. He admired me for a minute and then said “My wife has nice long legs” and I just giggled and said “They’re getting longer all the time!” Nowadays when I take the dog out for a hike, I sometimes jog for half of it. ME. I freekin jog. Unheard of! And really, aside from just being more active in general, I have not started any kind of hard-core grueling exercise routine. I don’t go to the gym, I don’t watch a clock that says I have done cardio for x minutes. I happily take my dog out & frolic a bit until my heart rate goes up, and sometimes, just because my body feels good and strong and happy, I do some Pilates-type moves on the living room floor. I suppose I may need to incorporate more formal or stringent exercise into my life as some kind of routine as I try to get closer to goal. It’s certainly not a BAD idea. But my point is, I haven’t had to break my neck to get to this point. I’ve just naturally started wanting to do more and more. And that, my friends, is what I believe is a true life style change. Hooray! So yes, I am happy. And yes, I have faith that I will achieve my goals. What do I look forward to most? Getting to goal and being there long enough that THAT is my reality, not a novelty. I want people to just know my at my healthy weight in my healthy life style, and not think of me as the girl who lost all that weight. I am so ready to have this be the rest of my life. Onward!

Sooooooooo... Yea. If you're squeamish, you may want to skip this entry. I'm going to keep it as clean as possible because I don't want this entry deleted, I think it's important to talk about. Anyway, so I'm starting to notice the weight loss on my body parts. My thighs are sagging, my face, my breasts... All heading downhill. But I knew sagging would happen, so I really didn't stress about it. Well last night in the shower, I noticed something else sagging...... My vaggy! What? What's this? Is that all me? I decided to investigate further once I was out. Got a mirror, locked my door, turned the lights on bright. I took a good look. I Definitly noticed some changes. First of all, i noticed stretch marks! Who knew you could get stretch marks from losing weight down there?! They were on the side and towards the back..Ugh. Wonder if I should try rubbing Merderma or Palmer's Cocoa Butter on it.......?? Umm. Nah. I better not. And do you know how it looks to blow up a raft, balloon, etc., with air? Well that's how it used to look. Now deflate that balloon, raft, etc. That's how it looks now... Wonder if I can get Botox there?? Nah. Sounds painful. Guess ill just have to live with this saggy vaggy. I wonder if any other WLS female patients have noticed sagging in well.. Unusual areas. Nah. Probably just me.

This is really a repost of something I said yesterday but thought it was worth a blog entry Watching my 600lb Life on TLC can be inspirational, aggravating and downright annoying. Many times I want to reach through the TV and slap patients but more importantly the non-supporting people in their lives. I will admit I have only seen a handful of episodes. One thing I can tell you from being a 5'6 488 pound morbidly obese person is it was just a struggle to wipe my butt and it was to a point where I showered after to make sure I was clean and the shower alone was a task because of the aches and pains in my muscles and joints. Walking from my car to my office even with the use of an elevator took a lot out of me. I would last 10 minutes walking the grocery store with my wife and would end up going out to the car and wait for her to finish because I was out of breath and legs ached so bad. I don’t recall eating food and gaining weight simply because I was lazy or didn’t care about myself. I didn’t eat with the intent of becoming morbidly obese to a point where I couldn’t do those simplest of daily life tasks. I have a serious junk food addiction and I loved it. I ate from the moment I wake up to the moment I went to bed. I am not making excuses for myself or anyone else but keep in mind you’re watching an edited reality t.v. show. Do we really know what is going in these people’s lives? They edit the crap out of these things to create the draw and because everyone loves a train wreck and more often than not they will put those things front and center. One thing I am certain about is I will always remain humble and will make sure I never become like the people who used to judge me. I was a terrible mess physically and eventually mentally and I am lucky to be where I am today. I absolutely refuse to forget my 488lb self. Sometimes I wonder why me? Why was I successful? Just because someone doesn’t care about themselves doesn’t mean they don’t WANT to care about themselves. Hope is a very powerful emotion and it can make or break you

I get emails daily asking me how to I lose my weight and look so good but I must admit, things are not as they appear. I too have love handles and golf ball thighs but I don't post the pictures that show that of course. I lost a ton of weight fast but I did it with the sleeve and the gym. Ask my family where I spend my free time when I'm not at the office, I'm at the gym. Nothing is free, we must work out and sweat to get results and that is the only reason I look like I do. I also avoid carbs and sugars and focus on protein. Protein shakes and yogart and chicken is in my daily diet. You can do it too, don't give up!