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So the list just grows longer and longer. the benefits of my current 50lb loss include: --Dropping my b/p meds and having normal b/p for the first time in years. --Smaller clothes...this is so much fun and so encouraging. I don't always see the difference in the mirror, but I see it in my clothes. Nice incentive to keep on keeping on. --I feel better. I move better. I sleep better. I am smiling so much more. --And now one very big one that will keep me on track for a long time. I visited my knee doctor yesterday. My right knee is a mess. I've known I'll need replacement for sometime now. But, I've been too young and too overweight. But...because I've had my surgery, it's going to be closer. He's not going to make me wait until I turn 50. I can have it when I lose another 50-75 lbs. I'm so excited! No more pain. I have no cartilage in my right knee. I'm bone on bone. I also have bone spurs and lots of nasty arthritis. I got a shot of cortisone yesterday that will help with the pain. I'm limited to doing cardio ONLY in the pool. No treadmills, no elipticals, no stairs (except at home to get to my bedroom). So, I'm working on getting new workout plans for the pool to keep me engaged. So the list just keeps growing. I'm so happy with my decision. Have a great day, friends!

Wow.. I haven't blogged in thiiisss long!!! It has been a CRAZY 3 months to say the least!! November 22nd will be my 3 months. I'm kinda sad about that, when I think of the significance of that day historically. RIP JFK. On to happier news.. Here are my stats! My highest weight in March when I started this journey was 282 lbs! Day of surgery I was at 254. Today I am about 212.5!!! I'm finally a 16, like before I was married!! HOLY CRAP! 41.5 lbs since surgery, I'm happy with that.. I made my ticker, and I'm OVER halfway toward my goal! I think that's amazeballs!!! I'm glad I can finally eat! It's always protein first. Getting all of my liquids in is hard.. Emotionally I wasn't prepared for how little we eat now. The first time it hit me, I was at Jersey Mike's. I ordered a regular size (I usually order a regular or giant!). So, I get home, and I can only eat like 5 bites. I took half the bread off, so it made me feel a little better. lol.. But only a few bites into it, and I had the rest of this sandwich left!! I was in shock! But when you're full, and you feel full you know it.. Even one bite over that sends me heaving!! Like whoa.. lol.. Even now, there is food I just cannot eat.. McDonald's and I have broken up... I cannot eat there anymore, I barf if I even try anything.. Pizza was hard for me to stomach at first, but now It's ok.. Good thing, I love pizza! hahahaha.. Now, it's barely 1 slice.. Changes, changes are good! How are you guys doing?! Kimberly ps. I attached a pic I took this morning at work.. word!

I know I just wrote a long blog yesterday, but last night something frightening happened to my 18 year old daughter who is in college. She was leaving her dorm to go get dinner at the adjacent dorm, when she was attached by two men. They pushed her to the ground, held her down with a foot in her chest and proceeded to choke her. They were yelling at her that they wanted her money. Well, as with most college students she didn't have any cash. She told them to take her debit cards out of her wallet which was on a lanyard around her neck. Once they got the cards they quickly ran away. Brittany is the kindest person. She's gone through her life dealing with bullies and struggled with fitting into her niche'. She's about to finish her first semester at school and has straight A's. As a Mom I couldn't be prouder. You all can imagine my horror when she called me inconsolably crying telling me she had been jumped on her way to dinner. She was so freaked out she ran directly to her dorm room and locked herself inside, then called me. I called campus security (who rushed right over) and shortly after sent out a mass email warning the rest of the campus about the assault and robbery that had taken place by her dorm. They also doubled up campus patrols as well as the City Police patrolling extra. SIGH! I haven't slept today or should I say last night. As a parent all you ever want to do is love and protect your children, no matter how old they get. She struggles with severe anxiety and this semester has been a stretch for her, but she's in the home stretch. She just had to make it through this week and was looking forward to Thanksgiving break. Now, all she could talk to me about was how she could feel the guys dry, itchy skinned hand around her neck pushing harder into her throat and she didn't think she would ever be able to get that image out of her mind. I'm so THANKFUL that they didn't rape or kill her, but I still ask the question, Why? Why do people feel the need to steal from others? Her father wants to hunt the two guys down and kill them for touching his daughter. I'm sure if we knew we could find them we would have been on that campus. I'm just praying they weren't students that she might possibly run into again. The exit she took out of her dorm is officially off limits and she's not to walk anywhere alone after dark. I only wish it would have happened to me and not her. As you can imagine, with all this drama going on old habits began to form in my mind. I wanted comfort food... carbs and some sweets, maybe a soda. She didn't want to miss her classes and kept telling me she just had to finish up this week. She began to sense I was falling apart and was showing me how strong she could be. I didn't give in to my cravings. As a matter of fact, I didn't eat dinner at all last night. I drank a couple bottles of water and talked on the phone with Brittany while we watched one of her favorite MTV shows, Teen Mom 3. She took some anti-anxiety meds and I could tell she was beginning to get sleepy so I reluctantly let her go and told her to call me if she needed me for anything. My phone never rang and I know for sure because I never slept. To top things off my oldest daughter, who is expecting, showed up at my door around 10:30. Rae had a fight with her hubby and laid her head in my lap and cried wishing she was a teenager again. Missing the memories we had created as a family for her and making me feel like a super mom. Thinking about it now I'm wondering if she showed up on a ruse to give me comfort and to make me feel better. Hmmmm. I love my children. They are a gift from God. Even though I didn't get to hold Brittany and comfort her, Rae's head in my lap while letting me give her advice on her relationship and what to expect in the coming months of her pregnancy was cathartic. Writing this blog has made me realize how BLESSED I am. Even though today was not a good day. Everybody, though worse for the wear; is doing okay and most importantly we all still love each other very much. I made it through a very stressful evening without binging on bad foods. I should have eaten dinner, but I'll take the absence of food versus the bad, high calorie type any day! I just pray for protection for my family and friends. Here's to learning life lessons, even if sometimes it has to be the hard way. I sure love my kids! Rachel (20) Brittany (18) Michael (13) Thanks for reading my vent! Till Next Time, Tara

On Friday, November 15th, I competed in my first ever race. I ran the 5K relay of The Flying Start Sprint Triathlon. My finish time was 28:04. This compared to when I ran 5K for the first time in the Maldives, completing the Couch-to-5K training plan (app available through Apple & Android). Then, I rejoiced in a finishing time of 38:00. When I started this journey to optimum health, my commitment was to exercise three times per week, get my weight into a healthy range, and find a way to change my thinking and lifetime habits so that I stayed healthy. In the end, that plan included the gastric sleeve, taking up running, and ultimately, learning to be militant and unapologetic for putting my health and self care before anyone else's needs. Something I've never been very good at doing. This time, with my 50th birthday looming, when people asked for some of my time, I checked my workout schedule. When people wanted to meet me for business, I suggested non-food venues. If I got too busy for self care every week, I ruthlessly cut out work stuff until I did have time for myself. I've read over 100 books, been to the spa nearly every week, and managed to get my hair cut every four weeks - for the first time in my adult life. All of which is good. But let me tell you - it was MUCH easier to change my physical habits than my mental habits. I have spent the last 18 months fighting a mental battle that at times left me feeling weak and sick. The relentless, repetitive litany of random crap in my head, all of it negative, all of it self-critical, and all of it FALSE, made me tired. There were times that I just wanted to lie down and cover my head with a pillow. I'd wake up in the morning thinking about a scheduled run, and immediately the crap would start. An endless, inescapable demand to justify myself and really, my existence. At least it felt like it. The old caustic, hurtful tapes played over and over and over and I experienced how difficult it is to switch it off. I felt more exhausted from the mental chaos than I did from the workouts. But I learned a few things along the way, and having just completed what feels like an incredible milestone to me, I reflected on that learning. No matter what confused, chaotic, caustic, or nasty things were happening in my head, compelling myself to physical action always made it better, and sometimes, quieted my mind completely. It is always possible to take action even when the noise in my head is deafening. It is not my brain that I need to run, it's my legs, my arms, my breath. My head just happens to come along for the ride. In other words, giving in to the head noise as if it controls my physical existence is a huge tactical error in the war with negativity. NOT going and doing the workout or self care or planned activity made the mental chaos that much louder the next time, plus the added emotional factors of disappointment and guilt. The more attention I paid to 'fighting' the thoughts, the more fighting I had to do. I gradually learned that the less importance I placed on the thoughts I didn't want, the less they bothered me. After awhile, they weren't loud enough to interrupt my thinking, and now, sometimes, they're completely absent. It gets better. The more consistent I was in following my plan of action combined with ignoring the noise in my head, the easier it got. There's no substitute for the incredible sense of satisfaction that comes from accomplishing something difficult. When I look back at the past almost 18 years since I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, it's been a journey I couldn't have planned with a road map and detailed instructions. And what a trip it's been. From being fit to the uncertainty of ill health, to a wheel chair, to 'starting over,' to the Middle East, through obesity and back, to a triathlon. Wow and wow. I have a huge sense of thankfulness for the things this journey has already taught me, and I anticipate there is more to learn. Bring it on.