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Ugh not as fun, I got my woman garbage & I retain a lot of water. so I had to try to step up my water intake to compensate. At least its almost over. I had a rough week in dealing with that, but as of today I am cleared puree food! Hallelujah!!! I am normally not a Hummus fan, but that was some great food. Dinner tonight was low fat refried beans, a bit of guacamole, a bit of salsa & a touch of sour cream. in total it was maybe 2oz. but it was good. now it's to introduce the other pureed foods, I bought some baby food, for days when I have to run, sounds bad but when your hungry, you never know. I figure I will keep eating the soups where I have a freezer full & as they told me today 1-2 protein drinks a day for a very long time. which is fine by me. makes it easier. He said to drag a bottle of water everywhere, when people start eating they forget to get water in & get dehydrated. I usually do any way. now I'll be checking my urine again to make sure today I am a long way away from my goal of 64oz I maybe have 30. so I will be drinking, drinking, drinking... in sips, sips, sips.....

I began researching WLS about 5 years ago. At that time I weighed about 250 lbs. My insurance at the time would not cover the procedure. My doctor actually told me if I gained 50 more lbs I would be more likely to be approved. At the time I was like WTF. Who says that?! But guess what? Over the next 5 years I gained 50 lbs. I ,had several Dr apppointmens for different health issues, bulging discs, sciatica, Hipertension, Carpal Tunnel, Insomnia, I just seemed to hurt everywhere. It made me feel depressed and have anxiety. I didn't want to go out and do things like I used to b/c I had gained so much wieght. I was always the happy person who loved to go out and do stuff. But... In April, I took my regular medicine before bed and went to sleep. I had been given a higher pain medication that I hadn't been on for awhile because my sciatica was really bad. I could hardly walk. Well, guess what. I had an allergic reaction and suddenly became allergic to ambien which I had been taking for over 5 years. My son found me unresponsive. Needless to say, I spent 3 weeks in the hospital most in ICU b/c I went into kidney failure. I had to be on dialysis for about 7 weeks and it made me deathly ill. I couldn't eat, but I had so much fluid on me b/c I wasn't able to get rid of the fluids on my own. It was the most horrible thing that has happened to me. My family was told several times that they didn't think I was going to make it. I was on a respirator and had pneumonia. SOOOO, after I recovered I didn't mess around anymore I got on all the information that I needed in order to have my surgery approved and did it. I WANT, I NEED to change my life. I'm still young and have so much more to do. I dont want to give up. I want to live life to its fullest and I need to get this weight off so I can PARTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR. Just kidding, well kinda. I am looking forward to having my daughters and son happy and with families of their own one day. I'm banded and on my way to letting myself be the person whose been hiding inside me, begging to come back out! Watch out World!!

I've found that in the 4 weeks since I've had my surgery I am obsessing about how much weight I'm losing. I'm losing a decent amount, but I want to make this work so badly I've forgotten about patience. Patience hasn't always been a virtue of mine, but I'm thinking this is something I'm going to have to work on. I didn't get fat overnight. It happened over years and I'm expecting to lose so much in months. Don't ge me wrong, I still think its important for me to have goals. I just need to be realistic. This is not a sprint to the finish line its a life changing marathon, with hills, valleys, and bumps. I'm really appreciating the people on here who are so open and caring to give me good advice and help keep my mind straight and help me realize what's happening with my mind and body is normal. Today, I am going to stop worrying. I will follow my Doctor's instructions and walk through my journey, so hopefully one day soon I will be able to help others.

Work is so busy, head is spinning. Emotions all over today. Tired of whiney ass coworkers. Tired of my pain in the ass girlfriend (yes yet another weekend of how I look like a sick person and need to gain weight). I flat out told her to go find someone with more meat on their bones. Dad, gotta love him, but dear lord he is needy. Has called 10 times today needing something. I love helping my dad, but I can barely breathe at work today. Told my boss I wanted a $2 raise. He giggled and I looked him square in the eye and said "I'm not joking I want $2". He didn't know what to say. Kids are ok. my middle kid has some attitude lately that is driving me nuts. I know he has middle kid syndrome, but dear god. He can be so whiney. And my daughter has me on edge. Found a text on her cell that said something about needing to be at the park at 2AM. I was livid. Called her on it, said she was just kidding with her friend. Needless to say, I now make sure there's now way for her to sneak out. I put objects by the door so they will fall if she opens it. I put tape across the top so I know if the door has been opened. I removed all hallway lights. I know keep my bedroom door open. Hmm must thought of something, I may lean something up against her door so I can hear it instantly. Granted, I don't think she would sneak out. I've reminded her of the 2 new stories lately about girls in our city being abducted and used for sex slavery. But as a mother, you worry nonetheless. Wow, i'm negative today but not meaning to be. Just really not feeling life today. Just want to get away for a few days, ALONE. not possible, but a nice thought

Greetings and salutations my friends and fat followers! I am contacting you today from the other side. No, I am not dead and this is not a creepy seance. I'm talking about the other side of 200 pounds. That's right baby. I finally cracked the elusive 200 number. Mark the date and time fat fans, for this is the first time since the mid 80's that I have had a 1 in front of my weight. This is BIG news indeed. I finally feel like I am accomplishing something. You may ask "What The H, Johnny. You've lost 56 pounds and you don't fell like you accomplished anything? You've lost half of a person, why the lack of satisfaction?" Here's why. When you're a scale bustin fatass as I was in April, losing a few pounds here or there is no big deal. My weight used to fluctuate five pounds on any given week depending on how many buffets I hit. Lose 10 pounds. So what. Lose 20 pounds. I'll hardly notice. 30 pounds. That's something, but I was still in the "Biggun" category. Forty pounds ... 50 pounds, great. But what really makes me feel like I'm winning is that 1. Normal people have a 1 in front of their weight. That's the answer. I am approaching NORMAL. Soon to be average. Now THAT means something! As I previously alluded, I have not had that 1 in front of my weight since the mid 80's. The exact date I busted the deuce mark is not clear to me. Matter of fact, the whole decade is not too clear to me. I was awash in self indulgence. My never ending search for a good time is what got me started on this path to bodily destruction. But that's another story for a different time. So let's use these dates. I remember going on some type of diet and getting down to around 165 pounds. I had a picture taken at this time leaning on a new Delorean. That makes it 1982. Obviously that diet didn't take. It took me a few years to work up the weight ladder. I'm pretty sure it was a chicken wing at a Super Bowl 19 party that pushed me over. That would make it 1985. 1985 - It was a very good year. (I think.) Reagan was still president. Gas was $1.09 a gallon and it only cost $3 to see a movie. Michael Jordon was just a pup and the Bears were stocked with now legendary names like, Fridge, Hamp, Mongo, Mama's Boy and the Punky QB. Things were bouncing back from the dog days of Jimmy Carter and 22% interest rates. There was reason to celebrate. And celebrate I did. Nightly. And usually to excess. I was living the single life. Fast money, fast cars and fast women. Unfortunately, fast food was a daily staple. My bodily empire was beginning to fall and I didn't heed the warnings. The 2 came a lot easier on the way up then the 1 did on the way down. Let's leave the maudlin memories behind. It's a new day, a new age and a new Johnny. I have lost about 56 pounds since April 9. My weekly weight loss is still averaging about 1.5 pounds per week. I know it's going to get slower as my under metabolized body adjusts to my lower calorie intake. But if I could average 1.25 pounds per week, I will hit hit my goal by March. I planned on this taking one full year. I am on schedule. But just think. What if I kept that Delorean? Maybe I could have got up to 88 miles per hour and zapped my way back to 1982. If only I knew then what I know now. So Long for now. We'll talk soon. Johnny T.

so i read the following words today on Facebook no less.. but they made me stop and pause.... A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?" Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz. She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything." Remember to put the glass down. They are certainly words that should make you pause and think.. what is it that i carry with me each and every day .. Yes i should look to the future but today it's here and now and if i can just learn to live in the moment knowing i'm doing the best i can shouldn't that take care of everything? Knowing that each food choice is as healthy as it can be in that moment of choice that we should just accept each choice for what it is and move on to the next not dwelling on why did i's? I've spent so much time on the why did i's that it became natural for me to start on the well why not one more can't hurt... for me it's time to put the Glass down.. accept that on occasion it is ok to feed the wild side.. but to also accept the fact i need to feed the smarter healthier side a little more often..

So I woke up this morning, SUPER glad that yesterday is DONE! I was looking at the calendar and I saw the date, I then began to think. As of this past Sunday I am 2 months out, 8 weeks people, from my surgery date and I have lost almost 30 pounds! Amazing, right? Well...yes it is, but then I thought, "Woman, you need to zip your lips the next time you think of complaining the scale isn't moving!". RIGHT?!!! In those very thoughts I thought of how amazing it is to even be able to vocalize that I have LOST, not gained, almost 30 pounds!!! It seems like a lifetime ago that I was able to say I even lost 5 pounds, or even 10! Now look at that number!!! I then thought that I have no right to gripe when the scale doesn't move as fast as I think it should, or say what I have been waiting for it to say. Our minds, well my mind anyway, can be a dangerous place and that is why I HAVE to talk positively to myself every minute of the day! Who thought I would ever be able to say in 8 weeks I have LOST almost 30 pounds!!! I guess it's in the moments of reflection that you begin to realize that at times we can become so complacent, so ungrateful for even the smallest victories. I cannot speak for everyone, just for me, and I am a very thankful person, and when I realized that I was getting to the point of not being satisfied with my victories, that is a sad day for me. I read someone else's blog this morning on almost the same exact topic and it just made me think. I'm working on my mind, daily, and this is such a touchy subject with me. But I have to wake up everyday and KNOW that I am not yet where I want to be but I am so much better than the day before. In the person's blog that I read she recounted the obstacles she has overcome, and how she, too, is frustrated with that stupid scale as she is so close to her goal and it is just taunting her. When will we, I, be completely satisfied??? When did I overlook where I came from and open my eyes to now see the real reflection of ME? I'm almost completely off my insulin and I am completely off my oral meds for diabetes, that is a HUGE Victory and if nothing else changes, I am so thankful for that. I've worked hard in my life to really like who I see in my reflection, and at times I haven't even wanted to look. My husband tells me how good I look, I shake my head no, he tells me I'm beautiful and I struggle to say thank you...but I'm getting better. I can like who I see in the mirror, why? Because she has a beautiful heart, she is a strong woman and because she has come through so much in her life, and to get to this wonderful place, I just couldn't be more thankful. I don't want to take one since solitary moment for granted, and seem like I'm ungrateful. I'm blessed beyond measure to be able to have come this far. Have a GREAT day!!!