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I have started, deleted and restarted this post so many times. It shouldn't be this difficult to write my first post, I have so much to say... I don't want to start at the "beginning" that needs to come, but I am not sure if I am ready to put into words what brought me to the place I am today. So I think I am going to just talk about why this surgery is important to me. The goals I want to achieve with this surgery and what I want to do for myself along the way. Goals Its easy to set a weight loss goal. I have had a number in mind from the first time I stepped foot in a Weight Watchers meeting when I was 23 years old. I picked a number right smack in the middle of the "acceptable" range. 142... The last time I saw a weight that started with a 1 and a 4 was when I was in the 7th grade. There is a part of me that thinks there is no way in this world I will ever EVER achieve that number again. There is a bigger part of me that says I can do this, no I can do this! So in my head I have a few weight loss goals, and reasons. 280: I chose this number because spring of 2012 I worked my butt off for months, with a trainer, 5-6-7 days a week in the gym. Taking step followed by Combat in one day and not blinking an eye. I lost 15# and for the life of me I could not get past 280, I grew frustrated and worried about answering to my trainer and.... I gave up. 261: Forever... my top weight was 261, I mean years. I started Weight Watchers so many times at this number it is unreal. It also happens to be the weight where my body seems to react to my weight and causes a metabolic response that causes me to be irregular with my monthly cycle (Sorry guys if this is TMI but it is true) From the moment we women start menstruating we women complain about how horrid it is, how much it effects our lives. After struggling for the past few years of random 2-3 times a year cycles I can say there is nothing that makes me feel like less of a woman than the fact that I do miss that every month. It might sound crazy but I think the first time I get my cycle two times in a row I will probably cry... 220: The one and only time I have been completely successful in a weight loss journey was 5.5 years ago. I counted every damn calorie I stuck in my mouth, I counted every damn calorie I burned on the eliptical, I worked hard and it showed. I had someone, that I respect very much, tell me I was like a rose getting ready to bloom any day. I WILL be that rose someday.... and I can't wait. 199: Who doesn't have this as a goal? The last time I weight around this weight was after I gave birth to my son. My pregnancy was not the cause of my weight gain. I started my pregnancy at 190# I gave birth to my son at 204# and the day I left the hospital I weight 189#. Yes I was overweight, I admit it, but I was OK. I don't really have a goal between 199 and 142. I don't know where I will land. I know this... I will not stop until I am happy. I love strength, I love muscle and there is nothing that makes me happier than showing up my friends on the gym floor with the weights. We have a University in my town that does body composition testing with the egg thing, once I get to the point where I feel I am close to a goal or I am feeling comfortable I am going to get a full body composition. I did this to lose weight and be healthy, I want to have a healthy body fat percentage and I want it to be accurate. More than anything... Size 2, Size 22 I am doing this for me, and only me. I want to be healthy and truly happy for the first time in a really really long time. I can't wait to add more along the road! I leave you with a picture of me and my pride and joy. I always wanted FIVE children and God has blessed me with one perfectly imperfect son. I know I will have more children someday, more than likely through adoption or marriage but.... you never know! He is my reason.... He is my soul.... He is my life.... He is rotten... and makes me work for kisses (typical 14yo)

Just barely but I’m there. This is a term I learned from hanging out on various online forums. Onderland. That magic place when your weight starts with the number 1. I have to say, it’s less exciting for me than for some others because I didn’t start that much above it, and only had to lose 30 lbs to get there, but it’s a nice, mini-milestone. But here’s another way to look at it, and this does indeed excite me. Today, I have lost a third of the excess weight I need to lose. A third of the way there! Now that’s something to celebrate. It’s also a good way to know that the surgery is working, or rather than I am working it. Once I came off the stall, I seem to have lost .4 lbs, .2 lbs, .6 lbs, but it’s still a wonderful downward trend, and I think I’ll take it!

Well, it is my Band Anniversary and things have changed. #1 I left my husband, a cruel and abusive man. I grew a spine and walked out the door with nothing. He told me I had changed. He was angry that I lost weight. He lost his control over me. It is now a very bitter divorce, but I am free. #2 I am dating again. It has been a year and I love my freedom. I have grown so much. I love myself for the first time in my life. I have excess skin, you don't like it, tough!!! My tummy hangs, you don't like it tough!!! My arms are big, TOUGH!!! #3 I live with my Daughter. I am 57 years old and I live with my Daughter. I have nothing. But I am no longer isolated and alone. I would rather be broke than abused. My life has changed, but I am enjoying life for the first time in a very long time. I love this stage. YES there are men out there who enjoy a more mature figure. Yes there are men out there that will take advantage of you. You just have to be cautious and never go back to the type of man in #1 My weight is stable. I am not thin, but I am happy. So, did I change, DAMN RIGHT I DID. Did I leave a cruel and abusive marriage, damn right I did. I started living for me. I don't care if I never have a possession again. I have my dignity. No one should live their life in fear as a door mat. Take a stand, protect yourself. TELL SOMEONE, you are not alone

Ok none of us is totally perfect. You come on this site and tell us that you were extremely bad and don't want people to comment. If you robbed a bank, killed someone etc. would you still be pissed people commented? Same thing in my eyes. Do something wrong and write about it, people will say something. This is the USA, freedom of speech. That's all folks for tonight. Arlene

This is me, 30 pounds lighter! I think it all came from my face, neck and feet but I'm starting to like the way I look! Today, after 2 and a half weeks of being on a stall, I hit my first milestone. I not only finally hit the 30 pound mark, but I also have less then 100 pounds to go! WHOOPWHOOP!! I didn't really think it was a big deal to set little goals, but this feeling is wonderful today! Especially with being so frustrated not moving the scale at all (even though my clothes all are baggy and falling off me, and I was able to buy a shirt from a store I haven't shopped at since I was in high school). So today I decided these little goals are a big deal and that I need to start setting some. I overall said I wanted my first big goal to be getting the Onederland (under 200 pounds). But I think setting mini goals along the way helps keep you motivated and feeling accomplished. So here are some of my goals: Weight Goals 1: Lose 30 pounds DONE 2: Have less then 100 pounds to lose DONE 3: Weigh less then 225 pounds (smallest weight I have been in the past 7 years) 4: Make it to Onederland 5: Weigh 190 6: Weigh 175 7: Weigh 160 (my weight pretty much all through high school) 8: Weigh 150 9: Weigh 145 10:Weigh 140 11: Reach my goal of 135 12: Reach a single digit size pair of pants/jeans (unsure at what weight that may be) Fitness Goals: 1: Run a mile in less then 10 minutes 2: Run a 5K (by next spring... Couch to 5K work your magic!) 3: Become a jogger. 4: Ride in the "Ride for Missing Children" bicycle ride (100 miles in 2015) 5: Become a Zumba instructor 6: Run a 10K Now I know getting down to 135 might be a little far fetch for me, and I might adjust the goal as I go, but I think if I put my mind to it I could get there! I'd love to hear some peoples goals they have set for themselves!

My weight has pretty much been at a stale mate since around June. I have stayed in the zone between 186-189. I weigh daily, each AM in the good ole B-day suite. Last week, while awaiting my monthly visitor I jumped to 190, then the next day 187- go fig- horomones, gotta love 'em. Basically, I keep getting told that I should pat myself on the back for not gaining. True I haven't gained during a very stressful time in my life. However, on June 22, 2012 I had lapband surgery to lose weight. At that time I want to get to 175, so currently I am around 11 lbs shy of the original goal. As my weight fell off the first few months, with what seemed to be little effort, I changed my goal to 140. At this point I fear I will never make it to my ultimate goal. At this point and time I can also say, shamefully, that I do little to make my goal attainable. I don't exercise daily like I know I should- I wouldn't say I am lazy. I move, a lot, I just don't have a regimented exercise routine, that I know would help me pull toward my goal. I, also, eat pretty much what I want. I eat pizza, cake, cookies, pie, ice cream, meals- I just don't eat as much as I did pre-surgery- I don't think it is possible. I do attempt to make things healthier- like cutting salt, eating lean meats, eatting less process foods and carb- but I don't make a huge effort to eat like a rabbit as my hubby calls it. I have come a long ways- 60 lbs down from my highest- but yeah I want more, but I am finding motivation to move forward hard to come by. I have been in a 14 all summer, but now they are a little loose and I can wear some 12's. That is great, don't know how that is happening, but my body much be reshaping. I know that while I am not being hard core, I am doing something to at least maintain where I am. This morning I promised myself to make a concious effort to do better in the coming week so hopefully in the next month I can drop to 185. I am not 100% sure how I am going to do it, basically I am going to take it day by day- meal by meal- make better choices as time moves forward. I want to be realistic and do things that I can continue, knowing that if I go to rabbit food for weeks, I may loose weight, but I won't be able to maintain that. So I recommit, today I will begin with each bite to make better choices and to start listening a little closer to my bodies singles of satisfaction. This is a battle I know I will fight every day for the remainder of my life, but in order to have a life, I must fight it each day. I don't come on here much any more due to being busy, but I miss my friends- I miss my encouragers. I miss my one person who will kick my butt if needed. So firends- fire away- give it to me- help me get moving again. Everyone needs support once in a while.

UGH...why is it that today, Monday, of all days has to be like this. I mean really, one thing after another and then over again. My family doesn't realize, even though I have told them, that I am losing weight, yes, but I am still working on the mental part of it all. When I get angry, upset, sad, frustrated, feel hurt, etc...I still want to reach for that food...even though I'm not the least bit hungry. I've been telling myself all dang day(don't know if you can swear on here) that you are not hungry, you don't want those chips, and that donut you've been thinking about...it's evil and won't taste good anyway. It all started this morning and spiraled(is that how you spell it?) downward all day. ugh, I just want to cry...and that's another thing, HORMONES suck. YES they suck a$$(technically not swearing if it's with dollar signs!). I have wanted to cry all day, and then just get mad and yell, which nowadays makes me cry even more. OH MAN, I feel like I'm out of control on this roller coaster of emotions and I want to get off this ride. This week my main focus is exercise and feeling better and getting below 200, that's where the scale is at the moment...and I will make this happen this week. I have to focus all those emotions, and such on getting below that 200 mark, and I know I can do this. If I focus on that I can get my thoughts in order and realize that I really don't want everything I have talked myself out of. It's a vicious cycle, and I will break this, I will change my thoughts once and for all and realize that I am greater than this addiction I have been feeding for most of my adult life, and no amount of stress or frustration is going to make me fall off the wagon...it just can't, because I won't let it. Stay true to your journey and thank you to everyone willing to share on this site, it means more than you could every know.

So here i am 4 day's post op and feeling pretty good considering.. hunger is controlled with little to no food.. first time EVER i'm sure this is more a result of the swelling more than the band but if its a good indication of what's ahead and how i'll manage life will be good..any way i digress .... my daughter and her friend had decided to go into town for some much deserved frozen yogurt.. not sure what they did to deserve it but when her friends barely one week old new to her car would not start after she came by to pick her up the look of disappointment was more than this mom could manage so while the dad's tried to figure out the car issue... she agreed and is blaming it on the med's she's not actually taking any more.... to allow her daughters friend to drive her car into town and get some yogurt.. and went with them again "insert meds".... the drive into town was mostly mom change the IPOD no not that song.. geeze mom it's still on repeat to crap there goes my shake all over the floor of my car.. i was surprised by my TOTAL lack of interest in anything at the frozen yogurt place.. the journey home was much more quite but a lot more bouncy having taken a different route home.. Lesson learned those important decisions they as you NOT to make immediately post op.. perhaps they should extend it to the weekend i survived it was a trip.. but i'm glad it's over... heart back in chest.

Today is the day the purge begins............ I'm am sending my 22/20/18 to the Salvation Army. They have served me well and I pray that they can continue to do the same for someone else. It has been amazing to be able to purchase clothes in sizes 16 or 14, depends on the cut, style and fabric of course. I find that I love trying on the clothes at the stores not necessarily buying them lol $$$$. Another cool thing I love is that it's not just clothes its the under garments as well. I have purged my size 10 undies to buy new size 8, my 40D bra to a 36-38D (styles vary). The maintenance part of this journey is now finding the track to keep proteins first and staying hydrated. Just as before I feel I'm getting comfortable and I should not. I need to keep this process fresh and enjoyable so I have the success of health and happiness. So I'm back in the gym and loving it. I even purchased a kettle bell for home; as winter approaches I plan to be ready lol I'm happy with my decision of the sleeve and hope those reading are happy as well with their WLS decision. I continue to do research so I understand the changes the body will undergo, again continued maintenance. I encourage you to do the same. I now find every few weeks I stand in front of my mirror nude and take it all in. It's amazing! This transformation rocks! Best of all I love saying to myself, "who is that?" Continued and joyous success on your journey. Karen