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One Week ago today I had my sleeve surgery. This past week has been not what I was prepared for or expected. I have felt practically "normal", with no bad effects at all. I was prepared to be laying on the sofa wrapped in quilts and being waited on by my hubby. But reality was from the day I came home. I never needed a nap, never needed waited on and never had a moment of nausea. Thank you God! I weighed myself and one week out I am down 8 pounds for a total of 62 pounds lost! Hope it continues.

so i just got of the phone with a coworker meeting was for work but as all-things go quickly led to the more personal area.. how are.. your having your surgery tomorrow etc etc. then she shared with me some tips on being successful while on the liquid diet.. she recently had her jaw reconstructed and knows all about having to eat all your meals through a straw.. she was don't be afraid to experiment. the strangest things can taste wonderful in a blender but to always start with only a small portion that way you don't end up wasting food. But the thing she shared with me that i found to be the most interesting. she told me to ask the anesthesiologist to give you a subliminal message as they put you to sleep. She said that during her first surgery for her jaw 13 mts ago she asked that he tell her she doesn't need to smoke and that she will recover quickly well and with limited pain..Her recovery she said was fast and she has not smoked since that day 13 mts ago so tomorrow if i'm not too embarrassed or don't forget because i'm freaking out .... i'm going to mine to tell me i will recover well with limited pain and that i will enjoy my new healthier life style....

When I look at this picture, a song comes to mind. (I was almost at my largest, think i was 10-15 larger than this at one point). The song is called reflections Look at me You may think you see Who I really am But you'll never know me Every day It's as if I play a part Now I see If I wear a mask I can fool the world But I cannot fool my heart Who is that girl I see Staring straight back at me? When will my reflection show Who I am inside? This has always been one of my favorite songs..and I guess in so many ways it was MY song for so many years. When I was larger, I didn't feel like that was the true me. Everytime I looked in the mirror its as if the reflection was a stranger. Who is she? And what made it worse is I also hid the fact I gay. I didn't hide that too long, I did come out within a couple of years of realizing who I truly am. Maybe that's what started my journey to self discovery. Would I have had the surgery had I not come out? I spent so many years wondering who the hell I am (well was rather). The day I came out to myself was a wonderful moment. Admitting to myself WHO I AM. Coming out to my family was the second most wonderful moment. Dad took it ok. Mom went through a range of emotions. I wasn't looking for acceptance, however, the freedom of being who i am was beyond words. Now 10 years later, my life has been the best it's ever been. The only and final struggle was the girl in the mirror.. It's been 2 years since my 1st surgery...and I look in the mirror each morning, Smile wide..and giggle "There she is..." There's the person I was supposed to be all this time.. I am so grateful to God for giving me the strength to proceed with my life change. And to my family and friends for being 100% supportive (well minus 1 person, but it is what it is). Each and every day they keep me in check. At first I had issues with some of them sneaking a peek at what I was eating. now however, it's a welcome glance! My favorite person is my co-worker and wonderful friend Granny Cathy. She has been so supportive and such a wonderful friend. I was being bad a few weeks ago and grabbed a kit-kat (sorry those are and always will be my weakness). After I nibbled one piece of it, she looked over, saw it...and took it from me! I almost died laughing. i knew i shouldn't eat it. and she knew i would do it anyway. i love her for that. i know some individuals struggle with this surgery before, during and after...i can't express to them enough how wonderful this life change truly is. I wish I had done this in my 30's, but i'm a strong believer in everything happens for a reason. just thankful i did it when i did. no regrets....

I had my pre-surgical clearance appointment today. This is the final appointment with the surgeon where I asked questions and signed surgical consent forms. My patience is wearing thin with all these medical appointments. I know, I know, it is a journey and takes time, yadda, yadda, yadda. I just feel overly anxious and antsy. Especially all the sitting I've done in waiting rooms. My appointment time today was 3:25. I arrived at 3:15 in order to sign in and take care of my co-pay and all that. When did I see the surgeon? 4:30. I still do not have a surgery date as I have yet to receive an insurance approval. I was cleared on 8/27 medically but the office did not submit to Cigna until 9/12. If you were wondering, yes, I called Cigna today to see if they approved yet but my claim is still processing. The recurring theme here is my impatience I brought my ‘sleeve bible’ to the appointment. The 3 nutrition classes, 3 life-skills classes (courses specifically about the sleeve and how to eat), and 2 visits with the nutritionist were informative and produced a ton of paperwork and instruction packets. I appreciate all of the literature I have received and it helped to build my ‘bible.’ I had a few questions for the surgeon about the size of sleeve, blood thinners, medications, leak rate, opti-fast diet, etc. and they were all answered within 10 minutes. So 75 minutes of waiting for 10 minutes with the surgeon and a $50.00 copay. But at least I got my questions answered, right? The best part of my trip happened around 4:00. Just as I felt my blood pressure rising, 2 nuns walked in. You heard me. Nuns. Not just any nuns. Nuns who are getting bariatric surgery. I was really thankful for the laugh and the blatant message from above: Patience is a damned virtue.

Everything has been moving so fast that I thought I should take a moment out of my day to document how it is I got to where I am today. Let's go waaayyyyyy back..... I was 17 years old and started developing depression. I ballooned up to 206 lbs from 145 lbs. (I am 5:7") I was mortified to see the scale go over 200 lbs. I immediately started counting calories and riding my bike. in a matter of 8 months I dropped down to 156 lbs. I was delighted. (what I wouldn't give to weigh 206 today) For the next 10 or 11 years I hungout between 152 and 158. Partly because I was a "professional" dancer and the amount of exercise I got everyday was awesome. July of 1993 I found out I was pregnant. I had mixed emotions, but overal was happy. The day I found out I was pregnant I weighed myself. I was 158 lbs and in really good shape. I figured I had this pregnancy thing under control. Ha ha ha. I was contantly sick and tired. The only bad thing is I never threw up. So I ate and slept my way through my pregnancy and gained a whopping 100 lbs. This is where the struggle begins. For the last 19 years I have been all over the place on the scale. Anywhere from 172 to 301. About eight years ago I dieted and lost 90 pounds. I looked great. Did all the plastics and everything. But slowly over the years the weight has been piling on. My bipolar medication has not helped the situation out either. November 14, 2012 I was diagnosed with Celiac's Disease..... I immediately had to go gluten-free. You know what has gluten in it? EVERY FN Thing!!!! I though god has answered my prayers and has now made it impossible to eat crap food without getting extremely sick. Everyone said I would definitely be losing weight. Well I proved them wrong. In a matter of 8 months I lost 14 pounds. whoopie! So there is the history.... Fast Forward to now..... My beautiful younger sister came to see me in June of this year. She is 4 years younger than I am, 5'6" and 140. She looks amazing. She was here to have some plastic surgery with my plastic surgeon. This brought me back to thinking what could I have done? Well...... nothing. I need a whole body makeover. Light Bulb! I am sooooo looking into bariatric surgery. My sister was in full support and support excited for me. So at my sisters next appt with the plastic surgeon, I asked for a referral for a bariatric surgeon. The plastic surgeon is so nice, he texted Dr. Zare right then to let him know I was coming and take good care of me. I made my appt. with Dr. Zare for August 1st. He was great and very thorough. It took me two weeks to think about things, but on August 15th, I paid the $500 program fee and things really started to move then. the next few days I went to see the psychologist and the NUT; both of whom wrote me glowing recommendation. Two weeks later my case was submitted to insurance. Then the clock stopped moving for two weeks while I waited to hear from the insurance company. Finally the news came. I was approved. Called the office to schedule my surgery October 22, 2013 and it is on like donkey kong! My pre-op appt is Oct 4 with the surgeon. I am so ready for this. I can hardly stand it. To Tell Or NOT To Tell I started off not going to tell ANYONE! This was my own little personal journey. Then as I became more comfortable, I told my family, then I told my manager at work to get the time off, and then I told a couple of friends. AND THEN I told my immediate co-workers on my team. I am no longer ashamed of my decision, but I am also not going to scream it from the mountain top either. I will be honest when asked and tell people on a need to know basis. So far I have not had one person react negatively to my decision. I have had nothing but an outpouring of support. Well these are all my personal thoughts for now. If you got this far reading this... Thanks. I really did this for myself, but just in case anyone else finds interest in it, I posted it for the whole VST to see. Bye for now Bonnie

To all the “KNOW IT ALL” posters in Bandland! I posted this elsewhere today and I’m adding it to my blog because I just had to get this off my chest! Why is that some people feel they are experts at what is right for anyone but themselves? When "newbies" or even veterans for that matter ask questions in this forum, it's because we are looking for advice and support. We are not looking for the know it all clipped and often times judgmental comments that are thrown out to refute the actual helpful advice of other bandsters. These comments come in almost exact succession to the postings of certain people who are actually helpful in their comments and advice, and these judgmental postings are really starting to bug me. If you think this comment was about you, then it probably was and I hit my target audience. My advice to you is that perhaps you should take all that you know and apply it personally and then edit the content again before you hit post. Or I'm sure there will be more people who will start refuting your comments and judging you for your tone and countering you on your expertise. Last I checked you were not registered as a Lapband Surgeon, Doctor, PA, or spokesman. It's really all just your opinions that would be better served minus the judgmental tone. Thank you.

Yay! Tomorrow is the day. I am excited. Ofcouse I am going to have trouble sleeping like I always do when I am excited. Hopefully tomorrow isn't do bad. I am not concerned about the actual surgery its the after effects that I worry about. Thankfully my wonderful mom will be here to take care of me. :wub:

When the swelling finally went down - about the third week in July - I was finally able to eat normally. Didn't go crazy, but was able to eat all those things that had become impossible due to "Jill's Rules"(see prior blog entries for details). I ate salad, had a steak, had pizza- had everything I wasn't able to eat for over a year. Actually got to go out to lunch with my girlfriends! Continued tracking my WW points and was feeling great...until the end of August. Invited to dinner at a friend's house - yet another experience I'd largely had to either pass on or do my fake-out food shuffle around the plate routine. The roast was a bit tough, but with no fill, drinking with meal, I was able to get it down. That was until the drive home, where I started gagging, sliming and couldn't get to the bathroom fast enough for a prolonged period of vomiting. It's been down hill since then. Pretty much any solid food creates the pain across the lower jaw and shoulders. Every episode results in an upper abdomen swelling that looks like I'm pregnant. Back to not being able to eat while wearing a bra. Back to the protein shakes, yogurt, cottage cheese...zzzz. Maybe if they made savory yogurts instead of just sweets - LOL Next appointment isn't until October ("soonest available") - not that there's anything that can be done. There's no fill in the band. Dreading what I know my WLS is going to want to do...more pricey tests and re-tests that I can't afford. I was warned that this might not resolve the problem and that in the future I'd likely need to have it removed. Just don't know if my insurance would cover it or if I could even swing another $500 co-pay, time off from work, surgery/recovery. Guess I'm just happy to have the memory of that one month.

Finally full liquids. Everything is still going well. I have been keeping myself busy, with sorting through boxes from my mom's house so I can clean out my garage. I have been using my slave labor, my 18 year old is home off & on, she would bring the boxes to the rooms I said, then I when I would be done she would haul stuff either to the car for donation or the trash. Then when my kids came home from school I have them hauling big heavy boxes or books & stuff to the rooms where I will go through them. I over did it a bit yesterday, I made sure my tummy was ok, but overlooked my back, now I am on a heating pad. Doh! Oh well I got a lot accomplished & hopefully can resume more tomorrow. As of this morning I have lost 11lbs since surgery & 12 inches. it's a great personal victory. I went to the store by myself & started looking for the foods for the next stage of foods. Kind of makes my head spin. reading the labels, thank goodness there is this website to help, with people who have went through this, before me. I went looking for somethings for this diet & found that the area I live in is terrible for much of a selection of sugar free stuff, like Torani syrups, I made an online order for a couple flavors. I mean they have crystal light, I think there was 3 pancake syrups, (for my cream of wheat) but I didn't buy yet, I think next time I go into the bigger city where I live I'll run into the health food store. It's a different shopping experience reading the packages verses grabbing what you like. but I can do this, I have committed to this, why put junk back in, that would be a huge waste of my time & money. I think soon enough it will become the normal. Just have to retrain the brain.... I did see the store in my town has a HUGE select of Tons of different flavors of Lite Laughing Cow cheese that made me happy. now I just have to get through the next week. Oh well, it will be worth it when don't have to over think when I go out. will I fit here, can I do that there, will I be asked when I am due. will that make me look stupid. who's driving what vehicle are we riding in. I am beyond ready to just be able to get up & go, no second thoughts about it. That is one wonderful thing about this site, no judging! everyone has similar things going on in there life. everyones stories are different but we all have had parallel things happen, no one wants to be this way, there are many things that happen in life & the next thing you know your needing a surgeons help. The Best decision I have made for myself. Don't get me wrong I love my Hubby & Kids, but there are times they all drive me CrAzY! This is for me, not for anyone else. just to get me comfortable in my own skin, can't remember the last time I was, if ever. Good Luck Everyone.

I called my claims administrator today, I was starting to get panicky about the timeline, and someone offered me some solid advice and calmed me down until I could call. I'm very concerned about being able to have my sleeve done before the end of the year. Effective January 1st, my insurance will change, and I will lose my bariatric surgery coverage. I started this process officially end of July, but had seen my PCP in June and July to try and see what could be done about my weight. So, I called. We rearranged my appointments a little bit to get about another week squeezed into my timeline. I'm up for team review the 25th of September, from there, I schedule my consultation with the surgeon. I'll have two more visits to meet insurance requirements, the last one is on November 1st. After my appointment I call this gal back and she submits everything to my insurance. She said it should take a week, but we'll have an answer by November 8th. After that, it's just a matter of pre-op, and scheduling surgery. Could be all said and done as early as December 6th. SQUEE