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Better late than never, but we did a family dinner for the Jewish New Year last night. It was very nice, 28 people. My son's, their wives and my super wonderful 3 grandsons were there. I haven't seen some of the people for real long time and of course came the: you look great, how much did you lose, how did you lose the weight questions. I told people I do not share my weight loss with any one. They were disappointed. I said I know I was very fat and still fat and don't need people saying, boy, Arlene was very over weight. When it came to my dinner plate, one woman said to me, you have no food on your plate. I said I have plenty. My husband explained I eat around 4 oz of protein then the other foods. My sister-in-law (the wicked b***h "c" word) asked me about my 'diet'. I only said I use a dietitian. Enough words for her. About the SIL, my husband is 63 and for the first 50 years of his life he did not talk to her. They now talk only because he made an effort. She loves my oldest son and treats my younger son like s**t. Enough said about her. So, back to the subject, I feel the surgery is my business and I just can't share it with everyone. I still feel like I am a failure because I needed the help of the band. My first surgeon said I was not a failure because I knew I needed the help. I just can't get that part into my head. I did have a very small sliver of chocolate birthday cake. My youngest son's b. day was Wednesday, age 35 and the next day his wife was 35. I brought a super wonderful cake from BJ's for them. Today the hub and I get to baby sit the 9 month old. He is the perfect baby, teething and never complains. He has 8 teeth all ready. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. The weather in Boston is super great this weekend.

Well technically day 12 isn't over... but the end is in sight. just waiting for my call so I know what time surgery is! I'm kinda nervous my head is full of they didn't get the papers, they misplaced the order, the person who is suppose to call is out for some reason... oh well, it's a good lesson in patience! aside from that I have done my best to keep myself busy! maybe to busy, I still haven't had a chance to put a bag together for the hospital. this past week I finally got my water intake down, my proteins have been on target. I have also had lots of time to reflect & to think this is the best decision for me. it will be difficult, painful, & what-not. But that's how life has been anyway. at least I will have a great tool.

So my last entry I was on my pre-op diet and now as of today I've had my band for 4 weeks! My first week post-op I did have some moments of 'what did I do to myself', but luckliy that passed. It has definitely been a learning experience and will continue to be one I'm sure. It's hard work but it's rewarding to see the pounds falling off. I'm up to walking about 2 1/2 miles 3-5 time per week. I'm eating 800 calories a day. I will say that I am looking forward to a fill. My appetite was non-existent at first but it has come back with a vengence. At this point I am having to use will power but that's ok because I know it's part of the process. I love the fact that I can eat a small portion and feel satisfied. I can finish my meal feeling good about myself instead of feeling guilty that I ate to much. It is an adjustment because I still get the 'head hunger'. For example, I made tacos the other night and that is one food I would stuff myself on. Instead of having a taco in a flour tortilla I made a small salad with shredded lettuce and had some refried beans on the side. Although I was satisfied my head was wanting to stuff myself silly on tacos. This is where I would fail at losing weight before the surgery. Before the surgery I would have gave in and stuffed myself on tacos. Now I know I can't unless I want to be sick or risk hurting my band. Oh yeah on a side note lettuce does not agree with me at all!! I will try it again sometime but it will be awhile. Ok back to the head hunger. I think the more I live this new healthy lifestyle the cravings and longings to pig out on my favorite foods will deminish. I think it will be like when I quit smoking almost 6 months ago. I remember even 2 months after I quit I would get these strong cravings for a cigarette. This has gotten better over time and will continue to get better. Now to the most frustrating part of this entire process (for me anyway)... the dreaded SCALE. I am just not getting along with my scale. I weighed 350 the morning of my surgery and 2 weeks out I weighed 329. Now it's been 2 weeks later and I'm still at 329, but in the last two weeks my clothes have continued to get loosier and I can tell I'm losing weight. The scale just isn't saying so. This is really frustrating. I tell myself I'm not going to weigh but I do it anyway. I think I might need to remove the scale from the bathroom and hide it for awhile. Yep, sounds like a good plan! I think as long as I'm counting my calories (thank you My Fitness Pal!), getting exercise in and can tell I'm losing then I don't need a stupid scale. It just brings me down to see the numbers staying the same. Ok one last thing. I haven't had anything sweet in at least 6 weeks but tonight I'm going to make some Chocolate Chip Cannoli Cups from a website I found called emilybites.com. She has some fabulous looking recipes that aren't loaded with fat, calories and carbs. Oh yeah, did I mention it is 63 calories per cannoli cup? Yummmm.. chocolate here I come!! Believe