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My son called for his daily chat, a time I really look forward to. He says, "How was your day?" Well I've had a lovely day. I got to go into the office, work with a team of 6 very smart people, we all got some great thinking and work done. I was able to join them in the lunch I ordered for us, and I've extremely been productive all day. What were the first words out of my mouth in response to my son's question? "Well, I'm still stalled." WTH?? That's all I can think of to tell him about my day?? So he's a very insightful smarty-pants and he says to me, "Mom it was one thing to rely on the scale when you could say 'oh maybe I should cut down a bit tomorrow' and use the scale to monitor and adjust your eating habits. But really, what role does the scale play in your life now??" For a change, I was speechless. Well he wasn't about to stop there. He carries on saying, "Maybe you should ask yourself if it's healthy to let what you see on a scale determine your feelings of success for the day? After all you're doing what you need to, and you told me you were going to focus on process vs. the outcome. Would anything change in your process if you just threw away the scale for 3 months?" No of course it wouldn't but can i throw away the scale for 3 months? I cannot. Why? Because maybe I'm sick in the head and I associate my self-worth with success or failure at pounds lost. Not what I do to succeed, but whether the scale says I've lost weight today. Unlike a lot of people here, over the last few years i could NOT lose weight. I could control my calories, my cardio-vascular health, what I put in my mouth, but I couldn't control my weight. Yet I continued to judge myself by my ability to lose weight. Not by my ability to do what was healthy, but whether or not I could lose weight. I may have been sleeved, but apparently that way of judging myself still persists. So really, if we are eating our protein, drinking our water, and exercising to the degree that we can, what role does or should the scale play in our lives when we're trying to lose weight? Should we not focus on the process, monitor the crap out of the protein and water and calories, and let the scale go off on a long hike to TImbuktoo? And can we do that? Why not?

I totally get it. I have a 95 year old mother in a nursing home with dementia, 69 year brother who is mentally challenged and a 90 year MIL. I schlep non stop. 2 years ago this past week end my husband almost died and is getting stronger but is on full disability. I don't have a "ME" life any more. I am almost 63 and it sucks. This site is great because we can all speak our minds and the family doesn't know it. Smile, we are planting daisies not pushing them up. I don't do the eating out of control anymore. I did for a while with almonds but don't buy them any more. Have a better week. Arlene

Happy Sleeversary to me I can't believe that it has been 12 months since I had the surgery. For those of you who don't know me here are my stats: Starting weight was 173kg/ 382 Pounds and my current weight is 87kg/ 190 Pounds. Before surgery I hadn't slept lying down in a bed (comfortably) in over 7 years. I had chronic asthma, everything hurt all of the time (although I denied it back then) and it was just a struggle to move around. I had the surgery on September 3 2012. Things went badly. I got a leak. It took several surgeries and many months in ICU/ Surgical Ward before I could get the all clear to leave. That was November 2012. I didn't go back to work full time until the end of January 2013. Since then, well heck, things have just been getting better and better. The weight loss has been amazing. I've lost 86 kg/ 189.5 pounds - so tantalisingly close to half way lol. No fudging though - pesky 0.5kg The NSV's have been even better - the CLOTHES, shoes, movement, I am a "runner" now (on week 3 of the Couch to 5 K and am running in a 5K obstacle course at the end of the year), energy, clarity in thinking, enjoyment in life, exciting opportunities, flying without the embarrassment of asking for an extension seat belt, people looking you in the eye, not being "invisible" anymore, shop assistants are helpful and attentive, men FLIRT (okay, so maybe I do too - just a little), I've had a significant promotion, looking to travel OS next year, am planning for a future THAT I WANT not just settling for what I think I can have. For anyone considering this surgery know that there are real risks involved. For a while, the first few months in fact, I had really thought I had stuffed up and ruined my life by having the surgery. This was due to the complications and difficult recovery that I had during this time. Looking back now, whilst I would never want to be back in that place, I am so grateful for where I am now that I truly believe this to be the most wonderful, life changing – life SAVING – thing I could have done for me, for my family and to secure my future. Where to from here? Well I want to lose about 14kg more which will mean an overall loss of 100kg and my weight will be around 73kg. I am quite tall so I would look quite thin at this weight. Not sure if I will get there or will want to, but at the least, I would like to lose another 10kg hopefully by Christmas. I am loving my new active life, the way that food has become fuel and though still enjoyable, it’s no longer the driving force in my life. I wish you all the same happiness and success in your own journey’s! I have put in some comparison photo's for you guy's to see the transformation Best wishes to you all! Cheers, Liss

I was born a healthy baby on March 30, 1973. I weighed 8lbs, 11 oz and was about 21 inches long. In first grade, I weighed 70 lbs. In 5th grade, 120. By the time I was a junior in high school, I weighed 206 lbs. I was 5'4" tall. It's not a sedentary lifestyle that led me to be a heavy girl. Lord knows I was active...riding bikes, playing tag, being the only girl among a ton of boys took a lot of energy if you wanted to have something to do besides watch TV. I swam, I ran, I spent years in the marching band huffing and running and carrying instruments of various weights. Yeah, I was active. But I ate. I snuck food, I binged, I stole food from our pantry. Cookies and candy were my favorite. I would eat 3 or 4 pop tarts for breakfast, finding it odd that m friends only ate 1. I drank milk and soda. I would get ice cream from the ice cream man, hide to eat it then go inside to eat dinner. I remember drinking a 2 liter bottle of coke between my grandmother's house and mine. 5 doors down. I was 10. When I got into middle school, I realized I didn't dress the way my friends did. I dressed in the "women's department" becuause the Juniors department clothes didn't fit. I remember crying with my mom in the kitchen one night because kids laughed at me for using a diaper pin to hold the seam of my pants closed. I remember being teased for having breasts in 4th grade. When I joined the marching band in 9th grade, Mom took an old pair of her slacks and added the stripe for the uniform on each leg so I would look like the other kids. When I went to Europe in 1990, she altered my marching uniform by adding gussets in the torso & thighs so a mens' XL jumpsuit would fit. No one knew but me, but that was enough. None of that stopped me from eating. At that time, my afterschool snack, before band, orchestra, jazz band, choir or drama club practice was a bottle of orange soda & 2 king size packs of peanut butter cups. Fruits & veggies? a rarity in my diet because I was rarely home to eat dinner. Nothing seemed to take away my need to put food in my mouth. It didn't matter what or when it was. Food has been a major part of my life. A way of life. My life has revolved around food for most of my life. I have really needed to find a way to stanch the flow of food. What would the breaking point be? Insulin? Nah...blood pressure? Nope. High Cholesterol? Oh no. Knowing how rampantly heart disease runs in my family and that my own father had a stroke at 17 didn't stop me. In 2005, my brother & sister in law blessed me with my oldest niece. I wanted to live for Emma. Still, I shoveled food in. In 2010, I became an aunt again. As I sat and held Caroline, I knew I needed to do something, so I joined a gym and would go almost every day. I joined weight watchers and attempted to stick to it. I herniated 3 discs in my back in 2011. Stopped going to the gym, which wasn't that difficult since I had stopped going so faithfully, and ate like it was my last meal. On January 2 of this year, during a visit to my endocrinologist, there were 2 words next to my name I never associated with my name. MOrbid Obesity. It was right then and there I made the decision to make the change.

average loss with the band is 1-2 lbs a week it will be slow but if you follow the rules you will be successful....

Your band must be properly adjusted to work it's magic. You may need more than one fill to reach that zone.

These last couple of weeks have been a few of the most stressful that I have had since surgery in May. Stress never seems to ebb in my life as much as it flows. You would think that over time this girl would be used to it, but there is no such thing as getting used to stress. You can roll with it and that's what I do, so that I can deal with the issue at hand and so it doesn't drive me insane. However it does drive me to some things that hinder my journey and even have the potential to harm me. I liked to think of it as comfort, but I know my thinking is warped. I want, no rather I need to find comfort in things other than food when life gets tough and curve balls are thrown at my head. The hug of a loved one is good, the escape of a good book, TV show or movie is great, but nothing brings me the comfort of being in my bedroom with the door to the outside world closed, eating a box of skinny cow, or munching on a vat of peanut butter pretzels. I want to run away and hide where no one can find me, but instead I try to heal the wounds so I can keep on going, and the bandages I use to cover up those wounds are food. It's bad..yes BAD because I am hurting myself by doing that. There are times that I will even pull my husband into it with me. I don't let too many people into my sanctuary, he is a willing accomplice that is until we realize that I am hurting him by sharing this unhealthy habit, and that makes me feel twice as bad. Since I have had surgery and before the latest disaster struck, I was working on NOT eating in bed. NOT eating in my bedroom. Keeping meals and snacks in the kitchen and at the table where they belong. It becomes difficult and feels impossible when I feel the need to hide. I want some peace a moment of relaxation, so I run to my bedroom and barricade myself away from the un-relenting caterwauls that come from outside. If it's not one of the 5 kids, (all over the age of 18-actually 4 over the age of 20!) it's one of our parents, or siblings that claw and vie for attention. Usually something life threating, just so you know it's not just the usual hey what's for dinner or I can't find my key kind of stress, those things just compound daily and sometimes cause the force of the stress to be 10 times worse then it actually is. There are days when I feel as though I have PTSD and just the ring of the phone, the whisper in the hallway or the knock on the door is enough to get my heart palpitating, my head pounding and my brow sweaty with anxiety. I know I should lace up my sneakers and go for a walk, or hang a punching bag and beat the ever loving sh*t out of it. Tape the person of the day to it, and punch away. However, when I am emotionally spent and physically exhausted the only thing I fixate on is the drive to the store to buy that box or container of comfort food. When I get home all I want to do is close and lock my door, curl up under the covers and dig in. This week, as I feel myself calming down a bit from the last two weeks of high anxiety and stress I am re-committing to working on these goals. I am hopeful that enough practice even if it is in between crisis I will be able to overcome my need for comfort foods, if not my need for escape, and learn to soothe my stress in more productive ways. After 42 years, I am learning the power of NO and the definition of boundaries. I am practicing using the word NO more often, putting and keeping those boundaries firmly in place. I am also thinking of investing in that punching bag. It could be a fun way to blow off steam! I wonder if they have one I could put on my desk….

Can I say that I relate as well, but wanted to add that one thing I have learnt being 5 years post banding is that I never changed. On the outside? Yes. How people treated me? Definitely. But the fundamental part of me, who I was, who I am, remains the same. That doesn't change with the what you weigh. The difference though between me and someone who was always thin is that I recognise that someone's weight doesn't define them. And it doesn't define me. Nor should it define you. Fat, thin, you will still be you.

Congratulations! You made me stop and ponder my point in life!