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This band has been a godsend. I won't lie. It helps me maintain my weight easily. I know how hard it was for me to not gain when my old band was leaking, and how super hard it was to lose, so I'm loving that my new band has me back on track. Yes I've had complications, but generally speaking, yes I've been 'lucky' with the band. My band has been SO easy to live with. Or maybe it was that I had realistic expectations, I don't know . But either way, I love that it's there helping me every day. But I also realised that I made my own 'luck' with the band. Even when I wasn't formally exercising in maintenance mode, I paid attention to my portions, I did lots of incidental exercising like using the stairs instead of the escalator (I still do), I didn't resume my bad eating habits. I stayed, for the most part, on program. So I do see this as a partnership between my band and me. I honestly believe that weight loss and maintenance would be VERY difficult, if not impossible, for me without a band. But I also know this little thing around my stomach didn't do it all for me. Far from it. I exercised to lose, I maintained a healthy lifestyle during maintenance, I am exercising today to ensure long term maintenance. I worked with it, and continue to work with it, everyday. The surgery will help you if you're willing to help yourself. And I'm worth investing in myself to be the best I can be. No one is going to want the best for me the way I could possibly want it for myself. I went through surgery to allow myself the best chance of success, so I will not let myself down by not putting in the effort to make it work. So yes I've been lucky to live with a band easily, but I sure as hell made my own luck as well. So stop sitting there waiting for a miracle to happen to you, go out and MAKE it happen.

It's been a month to the day that we were sleeved. During that time, I have lost 25 lbs, been stalled for over 10 days, learned how to chew again, realized that if I didn't set timers I'd never eat again, and today, I was sitting in a chair and suddenly picked up one leg and folded it up on top the chair leg. I did it unthinkingly, and not until it was done that I realized that before the surgery, I was in too much pain to be able to do that. Yay me! I don't understand how this whole weight/inches/clothes things works. My bust, waist and hips are the same during the stall, I'm not losing inches. But I'm fitting into clothes that I last wore when I weighed about 20 lbs less than I do now. What sense does that make? Not a lot, I can tell you that! I don't get it, but I guess I don't have to. I just have to keep on keeping on. Meanwhile, the pile of clothes that don't fit me is growing slowly but surely. One thing that I'm really grateful for is no RA Pain. I started my meds again but really it is under duress as a result of pressure from the doctor. I see no symptomatic reason for taking them. Had it not been for the slightly elevated levels on the blood tests, I would have refused all together. I cannot believe that I am in less pain now, at 5 week with no meds, than I was when I was taking my meds and shots! Really makes you wonder how much of RA is food/inflammation/weight related in my case. I know that's not always true, but was there a relationship for me? Having trouble getting in all my proteins from food, and find that some days I eat close to 700-800 calories, and other days I eat 500 calories, and it all feels good. Work is in full-swing and while I miss being able to spend hours on the forum, I also know this is the new normal. I still come here a lot to read, but other things are priorities now, as they should be. I find myself wondering when the stall will break, and what I will be saying at 3 months when asked how much I've lost? I don't have a number in mind, I just want it to be more than 25 lbs So, made it through the first month! I'm happy.

Happy Labor Day Everyone! Well I am back from Branson and I feel great and relaxed! So how did I do? Lets just say I am afraid to step on the Wii Fit today and I will try again this Saturday! What happened? Don't laugh at me but I left my snack bag at home! I blame my one track mind. Friday after my post I started getting my things together and I thought I put my snacks in my backpack. Well 100 miles out and when we stop at KFC that is when I realize that I left my snacks at home! Ugh! So I ended up eating a grilled chicken breast and ate half a serving a cole slaw. Lunch kept me full until 9pm that night. Then there was dinner and another sigh. Why am I keep on sighing? Because I think I did bad and I had slice of thin crust pizza for dinner!!!! It was a small piece and I was terrified that I was going to have a stuck episodes! But I just chew, chew, chew, chew and chew. I was happy and the band was happy. I am thinking this all may change once I get my first filled. Anyway, I am tired of writing about food. I did work out every day while I was in Branson. Since I left my healthy snack bag at home I work out every chance I had. On average I was burning an additional 800 each day I was there. One morning when I was running my little nephew was cheering me on when I was about to finish my run! That brought me so much joy! :wub: Sorry I had to mention that! Me and my sister went to the outlet stores down there. I really didn't buy any clothes even though I had my big sis with me. I am still having problems with clothes shopping but I am slowly getting over it. Don't worry I did buy something from the outlet... I brought me some Yankee Candles! If I could I will spend my whole paycheck on Yankee Candles! These are the only candles I buy and they are my weakness! Tomorrow I go back to reality and I will not let work interfere with me this month. I am going to continue doing positive this month because this is who I am and it helps me to move forward. Also tomorrow I am starting "Operation I Want Michelle Obama Arms!" This will be interesting. Wish me Luck and thanks for reading!

These last couple of weeks have been a few of the most stressful that I have had since surgery in May. Stress never seems to ebb in my life as much as it flows. You would think that over time this girl would be used to it, but there is no such thing as getting used to stress. You can roll with it and that's what I do, so that I can deal with the issue at hand and so it doesn't drive me insane. However it does drive me to some things that hinder my journey and even have the potential to harm me. I liked to think of it as comfort, but I know my thinking is warped. I want, no rather I need to find comfort in things other than food when life gets tough and curve balls are thrown at my head. The hug of a loved one is good, the escape of a good book, TV show or movie is great, but nothing brings me the comfort of being in my bedroom with the door to the outside world closed, eating a box of skinny cow, or munching on a vat of peanut butter pretzels. I want to run away and hide where no one can find me, but instead I try to heal the wounds so I can keep on going, and the bandages I use to cover up those wounds are food. It's bad..yes BAD because I am hurting myself by doing that. There are times that I will even pull my husband into it with me. I don't let too many people into my sanctuary, he is a willing accomplice that is until we realize that I am hurting him by sharing this unhealthy habit, and that makes me feel twice as bad. Since I have had surgery and before the latest disaster struck, I was working on NOT eating in bed. NOT eating in my bedroom. Keeping meals and snacks in the kitchen and at the table where they belong. It becomes difficult and feels impossible when I feel the need to hide. I want some peace a moment of relaxation, so I run to my bedroom and barricade myself away from the un-relenting caterwauls that come from outside. If it's not one of the 5 kids, (all over the age of 18-actually 4 over the age of 20!) it's one of our parents, or siblings that claw and vie for attention. Usually something life threating, just so you know it's not just the usual hey what's for dinner or I can't find my key kind of stress, those things just compound daily and sometimes cause the force of the stress to be 10 times worse then it actually is. There are days when I feel as though I have PTSD and just the ring of the phone, the whisper in the hallway or the knock on the door is enough to get my heart palpitating, my head pounding and my brow sweaty with anxiety. I know I should lace up my sneakers and go for a walk, or hang a punching bag and beat the ever loving sh*t out of it. Tape the person of the day to it, and punch away. However, when I am emotionally spent and physically exhausted the only thing I fixate on is the drive to the store to buy that box or container of comfort food. When I get home all I want to do is close and lock my door, curl up under the covers and dig in. This week, as I feel myself calming down a bit from the last two weeks of high anxiety and stress I am re-committing to working on these goals. I am hopeful that enough practice even if it is in between crisis I will be able to overcome my need for comfort foods, if not my need for escape, and learn to soothe my stress in more productive ways. After 42 years, I am learning the power of NO and the definition of boundaries. I am practicing using the word NO more often, putting and keeping those boundaries firmly in place. I am also thinking of investing in that punching bag. It could be a fun way to blow off steam! I wonder if they have one I could put on my desk….

I've been scheduled for September 11, 2013 since the middle of July. I needed to get past a planned vacation and a few other schedule barriers and then I would be banded. Somehow, until those things passed it seemed so far away. Now, vacation is over and the other scheduled items are finishing up this week. WOW..this just got real! One week from tomorrow! I have my pre-op appointment tomorrow and I have a feeling my head will be spinning with the reality of it all. I'm not second-guessing or even scared. I'm ready and excited. I just can't believe it's so close!!!!

When pre-sleeved, I wondered what it was going to feel like right after the surgery. i read everything I could, but I still wanted more, more, more. I'm writing about my experiences to give back to the community that helped me prepare for this surgery. It's a very long post but hopefully it answers some questions about what we might go through, physically, mentally and emotionally. I'm 5'6, HW 230, SW 222, CW 215.4 and I'm 47 years old. Day of Surgery (Friday) I find myself calm, not nervous and ready and prepared thanks to hours spent on this site. I move to a gurney where they inject me, and the next thing i know I'm waking up and there's an oxygen mask on my nose.I keep trying to take it off, and they tell me not to, that I need the oxygen. I fight it a little. Finally, I say I know I'm not supposed to take it off, but I need to breathe, I'll put it back. The doctor checks on me and sees me fighting it, and says it's okay to take it off. I tell them I'm nauseated and they give me something. I feel so little pain that in my dream state, I keep waking up from a half-sleep thinking, Oh I have to go to surgery today. And then my brain reminds me it's already over. I can't believe it. My husband comes out of his surgery and once he is awake, I make him walk with me. We push our IVs along, marveling at how okay we feel. I'm okay, he's not so great. He's nauseated his chest feels tight, but there's not too much pain. We walk all day in little bits. My mouth is dry but I rinse it several times, and use my chapstick. We're fine. Night-time is not fun. Nurses in and out every two hours, injecting one or the other of us. R has really bad heartburn so I'm trying to take care of him. We get through the night. First Day Post-Op (Saturday) Cannot WAIT for the ice chips! such a gourmet treat! They arrive and we find we can't really eat them as we should. Two little ice chips and it feels like you have an elephant on your chest. R is worrying about shoulder and chest pain, and I assure him it's not a heart-attack, just gas pains, and keep walking. I nap a lot. He sneaks out and overdoes the walking and increases his pain. But the doc says his gut sounds better than mine, and to keep in mind that pain & symptoms don't mean a poor recovery. I wonder how the heck we'll ever consume 64 oz of fluid. Second Day Post Op (Sunday) Time to go home. We get a bottle of grape juice. Yum! but again, can't imagine how I will finish that little 8 oz bottle. We drive for 12 hours today. Well, I drive. R sleeps the whole time, which is how his body recovers from anything he ever has. I'm happy to be able to do this for him. We stop in Austin to see my son, try to drink some Unjury chicken. The warm soup feels good. We sleep for an hour and I'm refreshed enough to drive home. Keep trying to drink, probably didn't even get in 16 oz this day. That night, I force the fluids and I'm miserable. Walking up and down the hallways after a long day. I realize this is a lesson. If I ever overdo the food, this is what it's going to feel like. No bueno. This is my "WTF did I just do?" day. Thanks to this forum, I know that's common and I let the emotions come. Third Day Post Op (Monday) Lots of sleeping going on but guess what? We can drink easier now! At least 38-40 oz today including a Nectar Fuzzy Navel! I'm amazed at the progress in just three days. I stop the pain pills. R is cranky and depressed today.We're arguing about stupid sh*t. I tell him it's the hormones, the trauma, the lack of calories and carbs and that it will all be okay. I do 20 mins on a stationary cycle, R walks the dog a mile. Now my brain shifts to the big changes. Such as, if I'm not always thinking of food, what am I going to do with that spare time? I kid you not. My existential crisis? What the hell am I going to pin on Pinterest now if not recipes?? I realize front and center food has been in my life and am so grateful we were able to get this surgery. Fourth Day Post Op (Tuesday) Feeling like a pro today! I forget I've had surgery and gulp. Ouch. But a shake, an unjury chicken soup, egg drop soup, 2 G-2s, and 2 popsicles! Yay me! So of course, now that is good, I'm the weepy one today. There's nothing wrong, I just want to cry. But I don't cry easily so even though I try, I can't cry . No pain, all good. R gets energy back. I'm not there yet and want to sleep. We go out to get something, I'm exhausted. But I do 2 ten minute sessions on the stationary bike. We try Chike with caffeine. Mistake. Feel sick. Today I make an important decision. In the past, I've always focused on the outcome. Was I losing weight? No? Then let me change my diet AGAIN. How about now? No? So what if it's only been 4 days I better change again. This time, I will not do that. There's a plan here. 800 calories, 80 gms of protein, less than 50 of carbs, 64 oz of water, and walking/cycling. That's it. Until I hit goal, that's the plan. Focus on the plan and the results will follow. I know this from reading others' experiences. I decide to focus on my actions and let go of the outcome. Big move for a control freak I tell R that now that I am not constantly searching for the best diet, the superfoods, the one ultimate way to lose weight, It has freed up so much psychic energy, that I'm shocked at how much of my time I had devoted to obsessing about my weight. I chose the best way for me. The time to stop looking is over. Time to start DOING. Fifth Day Post Op (Wednesday) Liquids not a problem. Protein not a problem. Can you believe that? It's only day 5 but we're getting all liquids in. What a change. I can NOT stay awake and sleep from 9:30 am - 12:30 pm though. Work intrudes and I take 3 meetings over the phone. Couldn't have done that without the nap. I feel energized. We go out to run and errand and go to the grocery store to buy ingredients for soup which we will start on Saturday while the kids are home. The grocery is full of sample ladies and although I rarely ate samples, it's a different feeling when you can't. I feel different to everyone around me. I realize that I'm different from the others around me in one more new way, but it's a way that doesn't show, unlike my skin, my weight, my ethnicity. It makes me feel like I'm harboring a secret. Weird feeling. I am happy I'll be able to cook again. I make my son an omelet with cheese, and I find I'm a little tempted but not bad. But I've had food dreams all day today. I want a grilled cheese sandwich with the crisp outer crust and the gooey cheese, I want tomato soup, I want chicken kebabs, I want, I want. I drink my shake. I will do nothing to compromise my recovery. Sixth Day Post Op (Thursday) The day has just started who knows what awaits, but R has lost 20 lbs in 3 weeks, and I've lost 15 lbs. Last time I lost 15 lbs it took 6 months of clean eating and walking 4 miles a day. I'll take this! I now believe that I will lose the weight. I was sure I was going to be that freak of nature that couldn't lose it because I only lost 6 lbs on 2 weeks of pre-op, but now I believe. Today we will do our liquids, our protein, our walk/cycle and tomorrow will be a better day. My next goal? Visualize myself thin, and be able to see myself wearing cute clothes and start pinning those on Pinterest. Not there yet. What a difference six days can make!

Just read this on tumblr by someone called runsleepygirl: "Even when the scale doesn’t change, the image in the mirror looks the same, when you feel like all of your efforts are for nothing, they’re not. Slowly, your body changes day by day. Your goals creep up on you until one day you look at an old progress picture and realize your words have become actions, your hopes have become reality and it was all worth it." i love that

And I missed it! I may have a brand new band in but I still consider the 1st August 2008 to be the first day I became a bandster. And despite the ups and downs, it has been a game changer for me. It transformed my life in so many ways that I can't even begin to articulate. Not just in my weight, my health and my prognosis for my future health, but in my confidence, my view on life, my career and my value in myself. Happy bandiversary to me! It's been an amazing 5 years and here's to many many more to come.