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2 points
Having a hard time accepting my decision to get banded
☠carolinagirl☠ and one other reacted to DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! for a comment on a blog entry
Our stories are very similar! Like you, I have been "the fat girl" my entire life. I can remember being as young as 5th grade and obsessed with how huge my thighs were. I remember being teased for being big all through junior high. I remember going shopping with my girlfriends in high school and being so ashamed because I couldn't wear anything at the "normal sized" shops they went to. I did date as a teen but my self esteem was always awful. When I hit college, like you I decided to own being a fat girl. I had more self confidence and I decided I didn't give a rip if someone did like me for me- fat and all. ...but then I had my first child at 21 years old...and got bigger and bigger. Over the years I ballooned up to over 400 pounds. Any self esteem I ever had was long gone and my health was seriously tanking fast. My best advice is to let go of that "fat girl" mentality. Too often we wear it like a suit of armor not a badge of courage. We're teased and tormented so severely we try to muster up all this false bravado to shield ourselves from being hurt yet again. It is simply wonderful you're doing this for your health- but you have to be ok with the fact there's nothing wrong with doing this to look good, too. You're not letting society or anyone else "win" by getting the Lap Band and losing weight. YOU are winning for taking control of your health so you can live a long, happy, healthy life with your husband. Best wishes to you -
2 pointsSpent the day with a friend & her extended family.....people I have seen off and on over the last 30+ years....they are all slim, but they have huge appetites.....I swear I was born into the wrong family, because even when I was a size 6, I couldn't eat the way they do.....but they do, and after all these years, they are still slim. I'm on pureed foods, so I packed a shake, just in case there wasn't anything appropriate.....they do not know about my surgery...I'm one of "those" who has kept it rather private, but my friend is used to seeing drink the RTD shakes. They had the usual trays of ziti, eggplant, and my fave chicken francaise.......plus all the mayo loaded salads, rolls, and don't even get me started on the desserts. I ended up having a slice of deli turkey, a very slim slice of hard boiled egg, and a bite of chicken.....literally a very small bite.....and slowly chewed my food until it was the pureed consistency.......a little scary that it all went down so easily. They gave me a hard time about using a small plate.....but I told them if I didn't, I'd overeat.......they didn't mention it again, and no one noticed what I did or did not eat...... I was afraid this was going to be very hard, but it was quite doable.....just wish I could have measured/weighed what I ate LOL It was so nice not to want to sample every food that was set out...what a wonderful change.
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2 pointsToday has been pretty uneventful. I slept all day. Literally. I got up every 4 hours to walk a little and drink a little and do some deep breathing. Then...back to bed. I got in 32oz of fluids (and I'm sure I can get in another 10 or 15 oz). As far as I'm concerned, this is pretty amazing. I thought very seriously about going to my kids' soccer games this morning -- that's how ok I feel. I ended up staying home just because it is Africa hot here and I knew I could sleep. My tummy is still swollen - I look fatter than I was when I went in for surgery. That said, some of the fluid has started to drain off. I was 230 on DOS. I came home at 237. Today, I'm back to 230. So that is very encouraging. (I'm not concerned about the weight loss right now - but it is nice to have the swelling go down). I took a shower today - I highly recommend it. It made me feel more human. After the shower, I changed my dressings. I wasn't prepared for these big honkin' staples. They are sore and itchy. Burping remains an issue. But it is way easier to drink today as compared with yesterday. Tomorrow is my 8 yr old son's birthday. My BFF is hosting a party for him so all I have to do is show up with the little birthday boy. I'm confident I can do it. While napping today, I had a dream that I freaked out and went inside and ate all the icing off the red velvet cake. Total reminder of my "old" self. Eating in secrecy, feeling guilty, etc. Soooooo glad I don't have to do that anymore. Finally, I know it is too early to say, but I can't imagine that I won't be ready to go back to work at the end of week 1. If I absolutely had to, I think I could go back Monday (I have a desk job). Don't get me wrong....it wouldn't be easy, but it could be done. I say that just because I know there are lots of people out there wondering about work. My advice: take off as much time as you can but don't let a lack of time off prevent you from having this surgery. Okay...I'm about ready for bed again...hahaha! Tomorrow - FULL LIQUIDS HERE I COME!!! (Not a moment too soon!) Love to all, Angela
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2 points
Judgment Day
MWilliams42 and one other reacted to southernsoul for a blog entry
Lately, I’ve been thinking about judgments & why people feel compelled to judge others. People post a lot here about feeling judged by friends and family members for deciding to have surgery, or feeling judged by skinny people for being fat in the first place. Personally, I have been fortunate that not one single negative word has been said to me with regards to having surgery. My family and friends have all been very supportive. Intellectually, I know I am (or have been) judged negatively by other people for my weight, but I honestly don’t usually notice those judgments. If I do happen to notice or feel judged by somebody, I don’t generally internalize the judgment and allow it to continue to affect me. But it seems to me that there is also a fair amount of judgment happening among members of the WLS community. Sometimes it’s subtle and sometimes it quite overt, but it’s all judgmental bulls**t that says more about the person making the judgment than it does about the person being judged. Here are just a few judgments I have observed being made here and elsewhere among members of the WLS community. Some of these judgments have been directed at me, some I’ve observed in others, and one or two I am guilty of making. Everyone who needs/wants WLS has a food addiction or depression or very low self-esteem. If you say you don’t, then you are either lying or in denial. People who go to Mexico for surgery are less prepared mentally and emotionally than those who have surgery in the US. My surgeon does things the “right” way. If your surgeon tells you something different, he/she is wrong and I am justified in telling you to ignore your surgeon’s instructions. People who slip up on the preop diet are not ready for surgery and will likely fail. People who do not follow instructions to the letter in the first couple of months post-op are not committed to the process and will likely fail. People who do not commit wholeheartedly to an exercise plan postop are not committed to the process and will likely fail. People who drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, or smoke weed postop are not committed to the process and will likely fail. People who come here posting questions without first searching for the answer are dumb or lazy. People who credit their faith with helping them get through this process are annoying and should not talk about their faith in relation to WLS. People who are atheist or agnostic are missing the most important part of life and should be pitied. People who have plastics after WLS are vain. People who struggle to put their own needs ahead of others aren't trying hard enough or valuing themselves enough. I’m sure other folks can think of more, and there is also a whole raft of judgments that we frequently make against ourselves. The point is that none of these judgments are true and none of these judgments are supportive or helpful in any way. We all have our own path to travel, and I believe we each generally do the best we can at any given time. At various times, my “best” will be better than some and not nearly as good as others, and that’s true for everybody. I don’t know if judging others is a way to feel better about ourselves, or just a bad habit we fall into, but it certainly does seem to come naturally to us. In my opinion, reaching out for support is a healthy, intelligent, and wise thing to do. Let’s try to respect the courage it takes to be here, and check our judgments at the door. -
1 pointToday I was fiddling with my collage maker on my phone and made a collage of one of my 'before' pics from 2003 and one of me that I took today, in 2013. I wanted to use it as my profile pic on here, so this is it: I sent it to myself at work, had it up on my screen and someone I didn't know very well walked up behind me and said 'who is the person on the left?' So I said, 'oh that's me 10 years ago'. Believe it or not, she puffed herself up in indignation and looked me in the eye and said quite rudely "you're lying, that's not you!" and then proceeded to tell me that the person in the photo on the left looked nothing like me, the woman was obviously older, the skin tone was all wrong and who was I trying to kid anyway??? I didn't have to say anything, my colleague next to me actually said 'actually that is her' and explained about the lapband (everyone who knows me knows about it). The women then did the huge dramatic act of pretending to be hugely shocked and then interested in how I did it, completely ignoring the fact that she'd basically just accused me of lying! Lucky for her, I thought it was highly amusing, and took it as a compliment, and walked away thinking it would be a good anecdote for this blog. Hey, sometimes you gotta look for the silver lining in everything, right?
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1 point
Food dictates my life
peles28 reacted to JourneyToLife for a blog entry
It is sad how food dictates my life. Whether I am happy, sad, mad, or angry I always resort to food. People who have real high metabolisms don’t seem to understand why I’m so fat. I eat as much as they do or even less and I gain the weight more than they would. I haven't had my surgery yet but just trying to leave a little on my plate is getting easier. I have even been doing portion control and leaving a bite or two. It feels good when my stomach signals to my brain that I have had enough to eat and it’s time to put the plate away. And then I start to wonder what if I can do this w/o the surgery? I’m losing weight by eating less and feeling content with such small amounts. But, then it hits me. I’ve been on this trail before. I have lost weight by portion control alone, and I felt great and had the momentum going like a train, and then one day I derail off the tracks. I’ve had a bad day at work or something to that effect and all of a sudden I want to eat!!! I want the carbs, sweet and salty and the whole nine yards. So I start stuffing my mouth and stomach with satisfying mood food to the point of no return. And when the dust clears I feel so stuffed and miserable, regretting ever taking the first bite. Other times after work or on days I am off, I am bored and have nothing to do, there’s nothing good on TV, I don’t feel like going anywhere, so I sit and eat a bag of chips or cookies and milk. That seemed to have passed some time away. Eating those so-called foods while not being active is what has packed on my pounds over the years. That pretty much is who I am before I started this journey to the weight-loss surgery. After many months of thinking about it and researching along the way, I have decided that this is what I will do. I have seen a couple of people that I know have success with it and so here I am. I feel it will be a great tool to help me in those times of boredom. I will have to diligently follow a nutrition program that cannot just throw my arms in the air and give up. I look at it as a strong way to keep me on the straight and narrow. As if I’m in jail and can only eat what is given to me. I am so ready for this surgery on the 25th of September, exactly one month from now. I still have to do my pre-op blood work, chest x-ray, EKG, and my endoscopy. Get my PCP to sign off and hope that the money we are expecting on the day of my pre-op doctor visit will be in the bank as I have to pay them for the program fee. When all that is complete I will be ready for the next chapter of my life. -
1 pointDay of surgery: I pop out of bed at 6:30 am because I am SO excited to get this over with. My sister drives me to the surgery center. I ask my surgeon again what are the chances that I'm going to die. My surgeon smiles and says he has done over 5,000 of these and he's never lost a patient. That helps some. I still beg for some "chill out" meds. They give me some and all seems okay. Then, the mask and that's all I remember until waking up in recovery. Recovery: I woke up feeling very sore where the biggest incision is. I had to move from the surgery bed to a wheel chair to get me down to the outpatient recovery center. That sucked. I remember thinking, "This is not do-able." But it passed. I was ready to walk pretty quickly. Nighttime: I got no sleep, but it wasn't bad. The nurse kept coming in to check my vital signs and I was vigilant about pressing my morphine button. I feel about morphine about the same way I felt about the epidural when my kids were born. They don't give out a medal for extra suffering...! Day one post-op: The soreness increases some but it is manageable. Also, I am drinking water and ice chips at a quicker rate than I should be. Nurse tells me to slow down. The dreaded pulling out of the drain turns out to be not that big of a deal. At this point, before leaving the hospital, I feel pretty darn good. Day one post-op once I get home. Things get a little dicey here. I find I can't hardly drink any water and I'm burping all the time. I vomit once. Then I crawl back in bed. Later, went to Target just to walk around some. Now, trying to get some more water in (I should say Crystal Light). Also, I'm on psych meds (Celexa and Lamictal). Doc says I can start taking them right away when I get home. I crush them and take them. I think it added some to my upset stomach, but for me it's totally worth it because I can't imagine having a full blown panic attack at this juncture! Also, I'll add this because I worried whether it was normal: My stomach is WAY swollen. I look like I am 6 mos pregnant. I haven't lost any weight since I got home. From what I hear, this is fairly normal so I'm not going to freak out about it. I mean, seriously, I just had 80% of my stomach removed - my body has to be in shock. Still... the bloating/swollen feeling is yucky (I'm way less concerned with the weight loss at this point - the weight will come off -- it has to given what I'm (not) eating! My biggest complaint: the burping, which makes me feel like I might vomit. Also, the soreness. The best way to describe it is like the pain you would get after doing a million sit ups. But, again, all-in-all, not too bad. IF I CAN DO THIS, YOU GUYS CAN DO THIS TOO!!!! I'll check in with Day 2 post-op tomorrow!
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1 pointThanks for posting your reality. Sometimes just getting it out there helps. I guarantee your feelings are normal. Check in with us tomorrow and let us know how you're doing. I bet you snap out of it!
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1 pointI'm 15 days post-op and experiencing a similar lethargic/depressed/blah kind of feeling. Maybe it's the effect of such a drastically altered diet? Not sure, but I would really like my energy and vibrancy to return ASAP. A week ago I felt great, tons of energy. Today, after sleeping 10 hours last night, just blah. I hope you have a wonderful visit with your dad and your whole family, and that you're feeling better soon.
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1 pointMy husband & I were talking, and I got a bit emotional about this journey and so thankful for his support.....the poor man, he is my sole support......well, that and VST! He's never asked how much I weighed, but knew I was over 200 pounds. I was 250 in January.....forget about getting to a healthy weight....I was feeling overwhelmed at the possibility at just getting below 200 and feeling I would never reach that goal. Today I weighted in at 217 and got teary eyed when I realized getting under 200 is possible, and it's in sight.....don't know how long it'll take to get there, but am giving it my all. My husband is hurt that I don't wear my wedding band/engagement ring. I already had them sized 5 years after we married...back in 1989....and I refused to have them sized again--unless it's smaller.....felt if I got them sized again to a bigger size it was acknowledging I'll never get to a healthy weight.....and I wasn't going down w/o a fight. He has no clue, but I can now wear my wedding rings......our anniversary is coming up in a few weeks....I plan on surprising him by wearing them....I'm so excited, I want to wear them now....but I don't want to ruin the surprise.....wish me luck!