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Day of surgery: I pop out of bed at 6:30 am because I am SO excited to get this over with. My sister drives me to the surgery center. I ask my surgeon again what are the chances that I'm going to die. My surgeon smiles and says he has done over 5,000 of these and he's never lost a patient. That helps some. I still beg for some "chill out" meds. They give me some and all seems okay. Then, the mask and that's all I remember until waking up in recovery. Recovery: I woke up feeling very sore where the biggest incision is. I had to move from the surgery bed to a wheel chair to get me down to the outpatient recovery center. That sucked. I remember thinking, "This is not do-able." But it passed. I was ready to walk pretty quickly. Nighttime: I got no sleep, but it wasn't bad. The nurse kept coming in to check my vital signs and I was vigilant about pressing my morphine button. I feel about morphine about the same way I felt about the epidural when my kids were born. They don't give out a medal for extra suffering...! Day one post-op: The soreness increases some but it is manageable. Also, I am drinking water and ice chips at a quicker rate than I should be. Nurse tells me to slow down. The dreaded pulling out of the drain turns out to be not that big of a deal. At this point, before leaving the hospital, I feel pretty darn good. Day one post-op once I get home. Things get a little dicey here. I find I can't hardly drink any water and I'm burping all the time. I vomit once. Then I crawl back in bed. Later, went to Target just to walk around some. Now, trying to get some more water in (I should say Crystal Light). Also, I'm on psych meds (Celexa and Lamictal). Doc says I can start taking them right away when I get home. I crush them and take them. I think it added some to my upset stomach, but for me it's totally worth it because I can't imagine having a full blown panic attack at this juncture! Also, I'll add this because I worried whether it was normal: My stomach is WAY swollen. I look like I am 6 mos pregnant. I haven't lost any weight since I got home. From what I hear, this is fairly normal so I'm not going to freak out about it. I mean, seriously, I just had 80% of my stomach removed - my body has to be in shock. Still... the bloating/swollen feeling is yucky (I'm way less concerned with the weight loss at this point - the weight will come off -- it has to given what I'm (not) eating! My biggest complaint: the burping, which makes me feel like I might vomit. Also, the soreness. The best way to describe it is like the pain you would get after doing a million sit ups. But, again, all-in-all, not too bad. IF I CAN DO THIS, YOU GUYS CAN DO THIS TOO!!!! I'll check in with Day 2 post-op tomorrow!

Lately, I’ve been thinking about judgments & why people feel compelled to judge others. People post a lot here about feeling judged by friends and family members for deciding to have surgery, or feeling judged by skinny people for being fat in the first place. Personally, I have been fortunate that not one single negative word has been said to me with regards to having surgery. My family and friends have all been very supportive. Intellectually, I know I am (or have been) judged negatively by other people for my weight, but I honestly don’t usually notice those judgments. If I do happen to notice or feel judged by somebody, I don’t generally internalize the judgment and allow it to continue to affect me. But it seems to me that there is also a fair amount of judgment happening among members of the WLS community. Sometimes it’s subtle and sometimes it quite overt, but it’s all judgmental bulls**t that says more about the person making the judgment than it does about the person being judged. Here are just a few judgments I have observed being made here and elsewhere among members of the WLS community. Some of these judgments have been directed at me, some I’ve observed in others, and one or two I am guilty of making. Everyone who needs/wants WLS has a food addiction or depression or very low self-esteem. If you say you don’t, then you are either lying or in denial. People who go to Mexico for surgery are less prepared mentally and emotionally than those who have surgery in the US. My surgeon does things the “right” way. If your surgeon tells you something different, he/she is wrong and I am justified in telling you to ignore your surgeon’s instructions. People who slip up on the preop diet are not ready for surgery and will likely fail. People who do not follow instructions to the letter in the first couple of months post-op are not committed to the process and will likely fail. People who do not commit wholeheartedly to an exercise plan postop are not committed to the process and will likely fail. People who drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, or smoke weed postop are not committed to the process and will likely fail. People who come here posting questions without first searching for the answer are dumb or lazy. People who credit their faith with helping them get through this process are annoying and should not talk about their faith in relation to WLS. People who are atheist or agnostic are missing the most important part of life and should be pitied. People who have plastics after WLS are vain. People who struggle to put their own needs ahead of others aren't trying hard enough or valuing themselves enough. I’m sure other folks can think of more, and there is also a whole raft of judgments that we frequently make against ourselves. The point is that none of these judgments are true and none of these judgments are supportive or helpful in any way. We all have our own path to travel, and I believe we each generally do the best we can at any given time. At various times, my “best” will be better than some and not nearly as good as others, and that’s true for everybody. I don’t know if judging others is a way to feel better about ourselves, or just a bad habit we fall into, but it certainly does seem to come naturally to us. In my opinion, reaching out for support is a healthy, intelligent, and wise thing to do. Let’s try to respect the courage it takes to be here, and check our judgments at the door.

I know my past couple of post I have been so sad but I promise this will be my last one for this month. Yesterday was another sad day for me. First let me say my co worker is fine and he moved into his apartment today. I was on my way to my support group and I stop by the day care to say Hi to the kids. When my sister pulled me to the side and told me one of our kids mother died will giving birth. This news hurt my heart so bad. All I could think about was those poor babies. I was upset I came home and put on my workout clothes and ran 3 miles. It was a great run but I didn't make it to group. It sucked tho because we were having a potluck called "Taste of Success!" Everyone was supposed to make bariatric friendly food then walk it off after the meeting. I hate that I missed it but I didn't want to be such a downer at our event. Moving forward I will spend this last 8 days doing things that makes me happy... So what makes me happy? Taking care of others. I am thinking about taking the day care kids out for ice cream next Friday (since that is pay day). And I am going to bake my co workers something because they supported me during my incident last week. Don't worry guys I won't over do it with the sweets and if I do I will run 3 more miles! Anyway God is good and the Devil is a liar! Thanks for Reading

Big changes must sometimes bring up a lot of stuff for the people around us. I worry about this in my usual way of banking anxiety in advance -- what will I say, what if people like me better when I'm thinner and that feels weird, unfair...etc. And so I love how out there you are with your colleagues -- it's inspiring me to be more open. Maybe. But just so you know I like the you on the left as well -- so glad for your health, your success -- congratulations on the results of all your hard work!

she's right lell....it doesn't look like you. it's almost impossible to see it's a before and after shot. it's really amazing.....

I'm so glad I found this group. I'm excited and scared as hell about my upcoming surgery date (11SEP13). I've found comfort here...as well as uncomfortable truths. I am not very open with the people that know me. I have issues...I have a counselor who is helping me with those issues. Progress is being made So, you all have been my peeps...I've come to you (whether you know it or not) for answers, encouragement, and truth. I've posted a few times. I've shared some of my story. I want to share more. And I want you to respond...with truth, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. So, here is my promise. I promise not to be offended when you tell me the uncomfortable truth about my ramblings. I won't get all moody and start calling names. I will value your opinions and your experiences. I may pout in front of my computer screen...but not on here where you can see it. I also promise to share...the comfy and the uncomfy parts. I know it's not going to be a bed of roses, or an instant fix. It's going to be hard work and require a full committment on my part. There is no miracle weight loss. I know people have complications. I want to learn from them. I promise to take responsibility for my actions on here. If I screw up...I'm going to own it. And I ask you to remind me of that I know there are consequences for when I make mistakes. And I accept that you are going to let me know about them! I write this because I've seen a few posts lately where the initial poster gets offended when the comments aren't all "warm and fuzzy." Well...as some of you have pointed out...truth isn't always warm and fuzzy. So, thank you for letting me learn from you. Thank you for being that shoulder I may need to lean on. And thank you for keeping me in check.

My dad arrives from India today so I have to make something his 90-year body (and teeth) can enjoy, AND tomorrow is soft foods day for us! yay! We were told to eat meats that were out of a crockpot or pressure cooker so they were soft. So here goes. This is massively modified from Anupy Singla's Indian Crockpot book to a) not make enough to feed the entire state of Texas and not to blow the roof off your head with her version of spice. I'm Indian. Believe me when I tell you, this is the BEST chicken curry I have ever had and the EASIEST. Ingredients 1 onion peeled & quartered 5 garlic cloves peeled 2 inches ginger root sliced roughly 2 tomatoes, quartered I tsp salt 1/2 tsp cayenne pepper 2 tsp turmeric 1 tsp garam masala, can buy ready mixed or use this recipe 1/2 cup greek yogurt 1.5 lbs of chicken, skinned 1 bag of baby spinach 1 2 inch piece cinnamon 4 green cardamom 2 whole cloves Method 1. In a food processor, grind together everything except the chicken and the spinach and whole spices. Make a nice, smooth paste. This may take a few minutes, be patient. 2. Put the chicken pieces in a crockpot, and pour over the yummy-smelling sauce you just made. Put in whole spices 3. Chop up the spinach and add during the last hour of cooking. 4. Cook on low for 8 hours or high for 4 until chicken is tender. Us Sleevers may have to eat the chicken without the sauce and eat the sauce separately. Makes 6 servings of chicken (3 oz each, 21 gms of protein each.

Love it, Too funny (although my scars will NEVER see the light of day LOL)

I'm going to lay out some thoughts I've been having. My intent is not to minimize the experience of anyone else, but simply to offer my own thoughts and beliefs. I know this journey is different for all of us, but I am always saddened when I see a post about how a pre-op person can't wait to "be skinny" or "look hot" or "feel good about myself again". Skinny does not equal happy. Skinny does not equal hot. Skinny does not equal feeling good about ourselves. There are just as many skinny people who are unhappy, unattractive, and down on themselves as fat people. Happiness, feeling attractive, and feeling good about oneself are characteristics generated from within, not without. A few years ago, at a very low point in my life, happiness seemed to me like a foreign concept. I could not remember the last time I had felt genuinely joyous or happy about anything. Intellectually, I knew that there were many things in my life that were desirable. I had a good job, a comfortable house, a dependable car, some money in the bank, food in the fridge, etc. But despite these things, I was unhappy. Now, I had good reasons to be unhappy, or so I thought. My marriage was failing, I was coming to grips with the fact that I would never be a mother, I wanted desperately to change my life but felt completely stuck, and so on. I remember reading somewhere that happy is a verb...it's an action, not a passive condition. I began to wonder...if I truly felt that there was no spark of happiness or joy in my life, who's fault was that? Who was responsible for my happiness? The answer, of course, is me. I was failing myself. I was not loving myself, or being kind to myself. I decided that if happy was an action, I was going to try and exercise my happy muscle. I was going to try and find one thing to feel happy about for a few minutes every day. My goal was 3-5 minutes a day of active happiness. I thought that would be super easy. After all, I had been able to identify good things in my life, so how hard could it be to think about them for a couple of minutes every day? Well, it was actually harder than I expected, but I stuck with it. I had to set a timer in the beginning, but I made myself do it every single day. Gradually, I noticed it got easier. Some days all I could come up with was something like the weather, or the fact that my bills were paid on time, but damn it...if that was all I had, then I was damn well going to focus on it & feel happy for 3 freakin' minutes. I eventually began to notice that I felt happier overall. I'm not sure why, because by this time I was just divorced and trying to figure out dating at 270 lbs & maintaining my new house, etc, but regardless, I felt happier. After meeting the man who has become my 2nd husband, he said that one of the things that attracted him to me was that I always seemed happy. I'm not saying that this is somehow a magic bullet against bad stuff happening, but holding happiness in my mind for a few minutes every day helps me to deal with the inevitable downs of life. It seems to me that consciously taking time to feel happy each day has somehow made a state of happiness more accessible in my brain. It's been almost 7 years since I began my happiness quest, and I can honestly say I feel happier today than I ever have in my life. To quote Charlotte in the Sex and The City movie, "I feel happy every day. Not all day every day, but every day I feel happy." In choosing to have the sleeve, I absolutely do not expect it to make me happy, because I'm already happy. I feel pretty good about myself today, this minute, at 300+ lbs. Yes, there are things I want to do, but I can't right now. Yes, I have pain every day & difficulty walking, but I still feel good about who I am and what I have to offer in my small corner of the world. I am aware that I am probably judged negatively by some people because of my weight, but I don't even really notice that. Today, I find it so much easier to find things in my life that make me genuinely happy. I am definitely looking forward to weighing less and seeing an improvement in my mobility, but I don't think it will make me somehow better or more acceptable or a more worthy person. I am enough, right now, just as I am. We all are, and we are all so very precious. Today, right now, at this very moment, we are beautiful, and we are valuable, and we are enough. I believe that with all my heart, and I hope you do, too.