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Day of surgery: I pop out of bed at 6:30 am because I am SO excited to get this over with. My sister drives me to the surgery center. I ask my surgeon again what are the chances that I'm going to die. My surgeon smiles and says he has done over 5,000 of these and he's never lost a patient. That helps some. I still beg for some "chill out" meds. They give me some and all seems okay. Then, the mask and that's all I remember until waking up in recovery. Recovery: I woke up feeling very sore where the biggest incision is. I had to move from the surgery bed to a wheel chair to get me down to the outpatient recovery center. That sucked. I remember thinking, "This is not do-able." But it passed. I was ready to walk pretty quickly. Nighttime: I got no sleep, but it wasn't bad. The nurse kept coming in to check my vital signs and I was vigilant about pressing my morphine button. I feel about morphine about the same way I felt about the epidural when my kids were born. They don't give out a medal for extra suffering...! Day one post-op: The soreness increases some but it is manageable. Also, I am drinking water and ice chips at a quicker rate than I should be. Nurse tells me to slow down. The dreaded pulling out of the drain turns out to be not that big of a deal. At this point, before leaving the hospital, I feel pretty darn good. Day one post-op once I get home. Things get a little dicey here. I find I can't hardly drink any water and I'm burping all the time. I vomit once. Then I crawl back in bed. Later, went to Target just to walk around some. Now, trying to get some more water in (I should say Crystal Light). Also, I'm on psych meds (Celexa and Lamictal). Doc says I can start taking them right away when I get home. I crush them and take them. I think it added some to my upset stomach, but for me it's totally worth it because I can't imagine having a full blown panic attack at this juncture! Also, I'll add this because I worried whether it was normal: My stomach is WAY swollen. I look like I am 6 mos pregnant. I haven't lost any weight since I got home. From what I hear, this is fairly normal so I'm not going to freak out about it. I mean, seriously, I just had 80% of my stomach removed - my body has to be in shock. Still... the bloating/swollen feeling is yucky (I'm way less concerned with the weight loss at this point - the weight will come off -- it has to given what I'm (not) eating! My biggest complaint: the burping, which makes me feel like I might vomit. Also, the soreness. The best way to describe it is like the pain you would get after doing a million sit ups. But, again, all-in-all, not too bad. IF I CAN DO THIS, YOU GUYS CAN DO THIS TOO!!!! I'll check in with Day 2 post-op tomorrow!

Lately, I’ve been thinking about judgments & why people feel compelled to judge others. People post a lot here about feeling judged by friends and family members for deciding to have surgery, or feeling judged by skinny people for being fat in the first place. Personally, I have been fortunate that not one single negative word has been said to me with regards to having surgery. My family and friends have all been very supportive. Intellectually, I know I am (or have been) judged negatively by other people for my weight, but I honestly don’t usually notice those judgments. If I do happen to notice or feel judged by somebody, I don’t generally internalize the judgment and allow it to continue to affect me. But it seems to me that there is also a fair amount of judgment happening among members of the WLS community. Sometimes it’s subtle and sometimes it quite overt, but it’s all judgmental bulls**t that says more about the person making the judgment than it does about the person being judged. Here are just a few judgments I have observed being made here and elsewhere among members of the WLS community. Some of these judgments have been directed at me, some I’ve observed in others, and one or two I am guilty of making. Everyone who needs/wants WLS has a food addiction or depression or very low self-esteem. If you say you don’t, then you are either lying or in denial. People who go to Mexico for surgery are less prepared mentally and emotionally than those who have surgery in the US. My surgeon does things the “right” way. If your surgeon tells you something different, he/she is wrong and I am justified in telling you to ignore your surgeon’s instructions. People who slip up on the preop diet are not ready for surgery and will likely fail. People who do not follow instructions to the letter in the first couple of months post-op are not committed to the process and will likely fail. People who do not commit wholeheartedly to an exercise plan postop are not committed to the process and will likely fail. People who drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, or smoke weed postop are not committed to the process and will likely fail. People who come here posting questions without first searching for the answer are dumb or lazy. People who credit their faith with helping them get through this process are annoying and should not talk about their faith in relation to WLS. People who are atheist or agnostic are missing the most important part of life and should be pitied. People who have plastics after WLS are vain. People who struggle to put their own needs ahead of others aren't trying hard enough or valuing themselves enough. I’m sure other folks can think of more, and there is also a whole raft of judgments that we frequently make against ourselves. The point is that none of these judgments are true and none of these judgments are supportive or helpful in any way. We all have our own path to travel, and I believe we each generally do the best we can at any given time. At various times, my “best” will be better than some and not nearly as good as others, and that’s true for everybody. I don’t know if judging others is a way to feel better about ourselves, or just a bad habit we fall into, but it certainly does seem to come naturally to us. In my opinion, reaching out for support is a healthy, intelligent, and wise thing to do. Let’s try to respect the courage it takes to be here, and check our judgments at the door.

I know my past couple of post I have been so sad but I promise this will be my last one for this month. Yesterday was another sad day for me. First let me say my co worker is fine and he moved into his apartment today. I was on my way to my support group and I stop by the day care to say Hi to the kids. When my sister pulled me to the side and told me one of our kids mother died will giving birth. This news hurt my heart so bad. All I could think about was those poor babies. I was upset I came home and put on my workout clothes and ran 3 miles. It was a great run but I didn't make it to group. It sucked tho because we were having a potluck called "Taste of Success!" Everyone was supposed to make bariatric friendly food then walk it off after the meeting. I hate that I missed it but I didn't want to be such a downer at our event. Moving forward I will spend this last 8 days doing things that makes me happy... So what makes me happy? Taking care of others. I am thinking about taking the day care kids out for ice cream next Friday (since that is pay day). And I am going to bake my co workers something because they supported me during my incident last week. Don't worry guys I won't over do it with the sweets and if I do I will run 3 more miles! Anyway God is good and the Devil is a liar! Thanks for Reading

Big changes must sometimes bring up a lot of stuff for the people around us. I worry about this in my usual way of banking anxiety in advance -- what will I say, what if people like me better when I'm thinner and that feels weird, unfair...etc. And so I love how out there you are with your colleagues -- it's inspiring me to be more open. Maybe. But just so you know I like the you on the left as well -- so glad for your health, your success -- congratulations on the results of all your hard work!

she's right lell....it doesn't look like you. it's almost impossible to see it's a before and after shot. it's really amazing.....

Bravoo !! Very nice. How about I was traveling to Texas and people confused me with Pearce Morgan from CNN? Or I was bit by a 5 tooth shark.

gamergirl...I love reading your posts & your blogs!!! You are REAL and that is what I love. I've noticed it helps me when feeling down to write, to read, to just do something that I enjoy and the feeling sometimes passes. Chin up, you are doing great and keep the comments coming!

You need to take some "me" time and so does your hubby. Look at pictures that you have with family members. Take a walk down memory lane. Take a drive in the country and listen to the birds sing. Those would be my happy places to go to. You are in my prayers....... and remember "this to shall pass". :-)

After all the obsessing, the second-guessing, the tears, the food funerals, the binges "pre the pre-op," the failures on the pre-op, the successes on the pre-op, the hours reading on this site. And now.... the surgery is tomorrow! Some musings: --As I've posted, as surgery gets closer, I get calmer. Or at least that has been true up until today. I am going to post tonight to see if I start freaking out again, but right now I am solid and confident that this will all go well and I'll be very happy with the results. --As I look around my community at women and men who are as overweight or more overweight as I am, I feel such compassion. I know how that feels to be in this body and not believe I could ever get out. The feeling of a sugar binge, the out of control feeling, the horrible remorse and beating of self, then the starving myself to "make up for" the binge. And then the entire cycle starting again. So many people will remain stuck there because they don't know about the surgical option, cannot afford the surgical option, or are too scared to go with the surgical option. I feel so blessed today. Although I have no illusions about how tough this is going to be, at least I have hope of a real and lasting change. --I keep remembering my surgeon telling me that this is the only real cure for obesity. A CURE - not a bandaid this time! --The risks of this surgery are less than the risk of gallbladder surgery or hip replacement surgery. I have weighed the risks and benefits and I'm not going to start the mental mindf--ck of second guessing myself this late in the game. Now is not the time to start re-questioning my decision. I thought long and hard about this before I made my decision. Now is the time to trust. --I'm feeling grateful for this forum. It has been such a blessing to be able to read about your experiences, share my experiences, ask for help, ask for advice, and receive inspiration and support. You guys are like an online family. Only a lot more understanding about the weight stuff LOL! --Because I am so grateful for being able to learn about this process by reading your experiences, I am resolved to "give back" by blogging my own experience. I've blogged pre-op. I fully intend to blog as soon as I get home from surgery and for the time I am home from work so that others can get another perspective on "what it is really like." Okay...that's it for me this morning. I'll check in tonight. P.S. I stayed on my pre-op diet again yesterday - put together 3 days plus today (assuming I stick to it). Also, 2 week anniversary of quitting smoking. I rarely have cravings and I love not always wondering "where are my cigarettes?" "do I have enough cigarettes?" "how much longer til my kids go to bed so that I can sneak outside and have a cigarette." Etc. Love to all, Keep the faith, Angela