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How To explain away my scars? OK, this is awful so don't read if you are easily offended and do not appreciate a sick sense of humor. Warning! Don't read if you are easily offended! Last Warning! Sick Humor below!!!!! Shanked in prison... Shuts them up every time! - VSGKirk Some idiot: What happened? You: I had abdominal surgery. Idiot: What kind? You: The kind that involves the abdominal area. - newat52 Tijuana knife fight. - Kristina J. I had some "woman issues " - chell1978 Texas mosquito bites I was knifed by an exotic dancer in TJ. Full contact scrapbooking injury... When you get the weird look, you can fill in that scrapbooking is getting really intense now that scrappers are trying to make the hobby "athletic enough" for the Olympics. Bears. But never mind my scar, you should check out my awesome new rug! My wife said somtimes I don't know my place. Tell them you are trying to avenge your father and ask if they have six fingers on their right hand. Two words, "Satin sheets" I don't want to go into details, but suffice to say, I won't be allowed in that Benihana for a while. The first rule of Fight Club is 'don't talk about Fight Club' They say you can't get blood from a stone - well, the IRS tried! Remember when your mom told you not to run with scissors? I was watching the DIY network and they did a show on bodylifts... A zombie tried to eat my brains and missed. Tell them as much as you'd love to talk about it you just can't because your defense attorney and parole officer advised you to keep your mouth shut until after the trial. I got this in a bar fight when I used to ride with Hells Angels. That's where the aliens probed me Don't worry about it. Because of me, they now have a to put on warning labels! Well, let me just tell you this: You should NEVER EVER, under ANY circumstances, go out with a guy/girl that you met on the internet. "I was oyster hunting." They give me a blank stare. Then I say, with a wink, "You've obviously never been oyster hunting before." I was at this party with Marilyn Manson and everyone was giving out hugs. I lost a fight with a can of tuna fish. I slipped while making a salad. I fell asleep, and the clown got me. I'll just put it this way: when they tell you not to feed the bears, it's for a damned good reason. I'm a blade sharpness tester "I had an accident with a scalpel." [person asks why] "Well, you know that guy who woke up in an ice bath and his kidney was gone? Er... this had nothing to do with it. Honest." You know how dogs chase their tails? Well it has nothing to do with that. Nor does it have anything to do with cat scratches. Or the faeries that visit me nightly *ramble on*... What was I talking about? I thought those security tags on pants just sprayed ink, but apparently they spray shards of broken glass, too. "Oh, these?" *embarrassed face* "I know they look horrible, but the sex was INCREDIBLE!" "...Are you consipring aginast me? What's with all the questions? Who wants to know the answers?" *and upon interrupting "I'm doing the talking here" and then continue to ramble until they back away. "...They'll come and get you too. Run while you still can" Knifed by an exotic dancer. Terrible. Yes, they're nasty that way. I had unprotected sex with a porcupine. I took my lizards for a walk and they held on for dear life. The neighborhood cat and I had a disagreement about the paw prints on my truck. The police didn't comply with the terrorists' demands fast enough, so they took it out on us hostages. I keep falling off of cliffs trying to catch that damned roadrunner. The voices told me to do it. I did this as a sacramental offering to my dark lord, you prick. ::Smile:: In my past life I was a ninja. It sucks having parents who are sadists. My boyfriend and I accidentally went overboard during our last S & M session. I moon light as a stunt-woman who dives through glass windows. Look at your scars and frown You mean you don’t have any? Well, last time it was an alien baby. I’m actually kind of relieved. I had a narrow escape from a firing squad. Now that is an interesting question; it all ties in with the eternal enigma: why are we here, for what purpose does life on earth exist? go on about the meaning of life until everyone gets bored and goes away Carving a turkey is harder than it looks You want me to show you? smile evily Don’t EVER give blood abroad! Well, I tend to get a little violent with the computer when it doesn’t cooperate. Oh those? Bad juggling accident. I don’t like to talk about it. I’m much better now Oh these? Hmm, I dunno, they’ve just always been there. Well, I mean, ever since I took over this body, anyway. Strange, don’t you think? Ozzy Osborne is my uncle and we have some kick butt family reunions! Those psychology experiments are soooo not worth the extra credit… Oh my god! Never, EVER try taking candy from a baby! A reminder of my Pirating days.... My trained attack dragon did before I got him trained... I had a duel. Did you know chickens aren't all soft and fluffy? Playing Slug Bug with a cat is a reaaally bad idea. Oh this? *point at scar* That's where my twin used to be attached. Lightsaber battle I kicked Chuck Norris' ass all I got was this lousy scar! Tell them you had to help Jack Bauer escape from the Russians and that's the last time you'll cover his pansy ass. Narrowly escaped a zombie attack Fell on the runway-it's Fashion Week Rachel Ray's dog attacked me. I just tell people it's a "sex wound." My husband is ... just ... a WILD MAN, what can I say? That's all folks! Really, that's all there is. No hablo the english? There isn't anymore. Stop scrolling! Ok, okay, one last one. It's where the alien burst out. What, you think they only come out of chests? Satisfied!??????????

I'm so glad I found this group. I'm excited and scared as hell about my upcoming surgery date (11SEP13). I've found comfort here...as well as uncomfortable truths. I am not very open with the people that know me. I have issues...I have a counselor who is helping me with those issues. Progress is being made So, you all have been my peeps...I've come to you (whether you know it or not) for answers, encouragement, and truth. I've posted a few times. I've shared some of my story. I want to share more. And I want you to respond...with truth, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. So, here is my promise. I promise not to be offended when you tell me the uncomfortable truth about my ramblings. I won't get all moody and start calling names. I will value your opinions and your experiences. I may pout in front of my computer screen...but not on here where you can see it. I also promise to share...the comfy and the uncomfy parts. I know it's not going to be a bed of roses, or an instant fix. It's going to be hard work and require a full committment on my part. There is no miracle weight loss. I know people have complications. I want to learn from them. I promise to take responsibility for my actions on here. If I screw up...I'm going to own it. And I ask you to remind me of that I know there are consequences for when I make mistakes. And I accept that you are going to let me know about them! I write this because I've seen a few posts lately where the initial poster gets offended when the comments aren't all "warm and fuzzy." Well...as some of you have pointed out...truth isn't always warm and fuzzy. So, thank you for letting me learn from you. Thank you for being that shoulder I may need to lean on. And thank you for keeping me in check.

It has been 2 weeks and one day since I had my surgery. I started at 230lbs before my pre-op diet. Surgery date I was 216. As of yesterday the scale hit 199. I was soooo excited to break out of the 200lbs. I was sooo hard for me to lose even 10 lbs pre surgery. It took me 6 months to do so. As of today I lose a total of 31lbs in 1 month. My goal is to get off the 9 more pounds that I had on me from my first child, and then I will put the scale away for a bit as I have been weighing myself every morning counting down till onederalnd! So I started Purees yesterday. My first meal was 1 hard boiled egg, 1 teaspoon miracle whip, 1/2 teaspoon of hummus. I was so ecited to eat "real" food, I scarfed it down a little too quickly. Dont know what was wrong with me, I guess after a month of liquids I was like "GIVE ME FOOD!" So I was only able to eat 1/2 an egg until I was burping and felt full. Although I am not too sure what FULL feels like post op...I burp and my tummy feels like theres stuff in there but that happens very quickly. For lunch I pureed cottage cheese (YUM) and mixed a baby spoonful in with the egg and it was MUCH easier to get down. I have also heard people say its harder to eat in the morning. For dinner I pureed refried beans with some salsa, topped with a pinch of cheddar cheese melted and topped with babyspoon full of sour cream. OMG sooo freakin yummy and slightly spicy from salsa. Sooo sad Iwas only able to eat 1ozif that. I think Im too scared to eat too much and since Im not sure what the warning signs are of being full its only a matter of time before I overdo it and learn for myself. Since I am never hungry, How can I feel satisfied. I would have been "Head" satisfied if I could finish my 1oz of refried beans. I have been doing 2 protein shakes in between each meal. WIth all this eating, waiting and drinking shakes I have nooo time for my water. I try to drink as much as I can at night an hour after dinner. I mean do I have to wake up at 3am just to get in all my calories protein and water. Im only getting about 300 calories, maybe slightly more now that Im on purees. My protein intake is around 50 2 weeks post op (working on it.) and my water intake counting 2 protein shakesmaybe 42oz per day max. Yesterday I felt lightheaded and dizzy and I knew it was because I am not getting enough of anything. As soon as I drink my protein shake it is like rocket fuel and I'm speedy gonzalez again. As far as my recovery, I was driving 6 days post-op, had a party for 30ppl at my house for my daugters bday, been walking and running around with kids to parks, playgrounds, pools(even though I cant go in) This week was the first time I fely very LOW energy. So I am really trying to get in more protein water and calories. HW: 233, Pre-pre.op 230, day of surgery 216, came home from surgery 227 (lol) fluid. Current weight 198. My goal by 3 weeks post op (Next thursday) is 190lbs. My goal after that is my wedding day weight of 170 by Christmas, And 150 by my February 23rd Birthday! That would be amazing!!!

I did something I didn't think I'd EVER be able to do Saturday night: I attended a bachelorette party for a good friend, jumped on a party bus with 11 other ladies and didn't touch a DROP of alcohol the entire night. Well, ok, there was ONE sip at a comedy club after my friend sent her margarita back twice claiming it had soda in it so I just had to see for myself how truly hideous it was. And it WAS. But that was it! We had dinner at a Mexican restaurant. My FAV food in the world. Not a chip passed my lips. No beans. No rice. Just some grilled chicken with a bit of salsa on it and a few black beans. The moral? If I can spend 7 hours on a bus full of crazy drunk people, pass on Mexican, (oh and did I mention there was cake?), pass on cake (I shall leave the "shape" of cake to your imagination) - I CAN DO THIS. Just how tough was this? Oh so hard. Normally I'm the life of the party, and at my current height/weight I can put it away. Bottom line - WILL POWER. One week until surgery. I've turned down fruit, beer (gulp), chips, etc. My size 0, 19 year old daughter left a 1/3 eaten Snickers bar on the counter the other day (who DOES that?!) and I wrapped it up and stuck it away for her later. I wasn't even tempted to finish it as I would have been a month ago. I want to be healthy more than I want the 2 second gratification of tasting chocolate. The other thing I'm learning is that food is for FUEL, not for emotions. Old me: "Hey! It's sunny! I need a bowl of cereal! Oh crap, it's raining, I should probably make a pot of pasta and have 3 huge bowls. Look at that, I'm sad - better grab some chips and dip" (you get the idea). Now I'm listening to my tummy for cues that it needs fuel. Let me close this post by saying - to know me is to know how hard this has been and will be for me. BUT I'm doing it and so can you. Stay positive - eye on the prize.

When I got married in May, 2009 I had to be at about my highest weight. I had stopped checking my weight long before so I imagine I was somewhere around 400 pounds. Hubby and I got married at Disney and were having our photos done in one of the hotel lobbies. A woman came up to us and apologized for the interuption but said she had to tell me something. She said her small daughter had asked her if they would get to see any Disney princesses and she told her that they wouldn't until they got to the parks. Her daughter had then pointed to me and said "but mom, there's a princess!". I know I had likely gushed my thanks at the time. I wish I could let her know what an incredibly sweet and touching gesture this was. Considering at 400 pounds, even in my wedding dress I truly looked nothing like Cinderella or any of the other princesses, but it really goes to show what beautiful souls children and even adults can have, This memory has remained with me and fluttered into my mind while sitting at work today. I've never blogged before but such a happy memory is certainly a good place for me to start. -K T

These long dreary days are not doing much for my get up and go. I find myself bored to tears. Yawning my head off to the point that my eyes are watering. I'd love to be able to have the time to take off and just recuperate from the level of stress my life always seems to be under. The problem I encounter is when I have a down moment, and things are not moving at the speed of light and sound I don't know what to do with myself! I am so used to the high impact crash that usually happens when my battery stalls from all the overwhelming stress. The ones that take me down to the ground, and keep me there only until all the wounds scab over. I'm not used to pulling over and letting things pass me and avoiding those high speed crashes, but I am learning and I have been making different life choices these days and it's not just about food. Last year was a very rough year. It started at its usual break neck speed of things, and the intensity only increased throughout the year. I could write down all the grisly details, but sometimes sharing it all makes me tired and a bit sad. The events were extreme and it's a story that leaves most people staring at us with their mouths hanging open in disbelief. From January to April of last year our lives were zooming along on a roller coaster ride out of control. New Year's Eve this year we looked at each other, and vowed that this would be the year we worry about us. The year we focus on our health and wellbeing. A few weeks into the new year, my husband found out he would need a total hip replacement. The pain in his leg and his hip was getting worse by the second so we contacted the Hospital for Special surgery and met with the doctor, and the doctor didn't sugar coat it he told him flat out you need the surgery and that he would not touch him at his weight. He told him point blank go for some kind of weight loss surgery because you can't undergo this operation without it. He was devastated as I was to hear that. NO one wants to hear they are fat or that they are going to continue to suffer because of it if they don't do something about it, but I had a plan and I had the perfect place for us to go! I called the surgeon I had met 2 years prior that very same day and he accommodated us, so we drove there that very same day and started our Lapband journey! We jumped over the hurdles and through the testing hoops. We swam in the sea of the liquid diet, and we had our surgery, and in me…something was changing. I was learning so much more about myself. Not only about the foods I was eating, but why I was eating, and when and how and as I started to look at those things…I had to look at myself. I mean REALLY look at myself deep down inside in those dark and scary corners that no one wants to venture not even me! Yes my body had changed I had all these new little lines all around my tummy. I had lost some weight and I could see that in the mirror. My clothes were fitting better, but more importantly my attitude was changing. For me the stress never stops coming, not everything is as exceptional as the last year and Thank God for that! Something's are positive stressors like my youngest son's High School Graduation, College registrations 70th Birthday parties and 50 year anniversaries, but being part of the sandwich generation can really take its toll. My husband and I are caught between our sick and ailing parents who end up in the hospital every other week with life and death issues, from life support to blood clots to life saving surgeries decisions to be made on a dime, and our Peter Pan children who are pushing into their late 20's that seem to not want to grow up and take on the mantel of adulthood responsibility. We are always under one stress or another, working full time long hours far from home is sometimes a good thing, but most days it just adds to the level of stress. As I am learning what powers my body, and what it needs and doesn't need what it can and will tolerate or not, I am also learning about myself. The undue stress I endure when I run and jump and speed race for others, when I take on too many projects and take on other peoples responsibilities it adds to my already heavy burden. I have learned that just because I am capable, and can carry it doesn't mean that I have to. I am learning to pick and choose the things I engage in, as much as I pick and choose how, what and when I eat. I love to be able to help people it makes me feel good to share the knowledge and understanding I have, or to give physical aid where it's needed, but it can no longer be at the expense of my health. It hasn't been so easy for me to understand that I have to come first. I have to put my health and my wellbeing above the rest. I'm learning to take deep breaths and to try and keep the stress at bay. It's not always possible and it's never easy but I'm learning to cope to work with and around things that I should not be stressing over. In three almost four months the band has really helped me to make some major changes in my life and my lifestyle in positive ways. I don't think any weight loss would have been possible for me to keep off if I did not make some of these alterations, and I hope that I am able to continue to learn and implement new coping skills and see even more weight loss as I move forward toward my goals. Taking the time to think about and write all this today, as boring and dreary a day as it is here, has been an awesome non scale victory for me!

This is the vent post I never usually make just before I leave LBT for a while. It's the one I think in my head but never say out loud. But here goes: I get tired, as do a lot of the band veterans here I'm sure, of saying the same thing over and over. I get tired of people fighting wanting only their opinion to be heard, or people asking for advice then when you give it, refusing to even consider it. I'm tired of the same story, but different faces where people talk about how the band isn't the tool they expected, when perhaps their expectations were wrong to be begin with. I get tired of people expecting responsibility for their weight loss to be taken right out of their hands just because they got a little plastic ring put around their stomach. And most of all I'm ashamed to say that I get tired to offering support to my fellow banders sometimes. Sometimes I want to concentrate on me, get on with my life, and not invest in anyone else. I'm now in maintenance and again I feel like I've done enough, I don't have anymore to give right now, nor do I want to. My wish is for everyone to find the kind of success I've had, and to be inspired by the fact that if *I* can do it, anyone can, coz god knows I'm not special, but it doesn't usually work out that way. Instead of feeling like I'm helping, I get jaded and cynical and so damned tired of the BS and want to take a break from it all. Again. So that's me, actually verbalising for once why I won't be posting any more for a little bit. I'll be back, I always come back, but for my sanity, I think another hiatus might be in order.

"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you greater than any obstacle." - Christian D. Larson...I have to constantly surround myself with positive thoughts and quotes, etc. I have been doing this for a long time, it has helped renew my mind, focusing on what is going to help and not hinder me. Sometimes my mind can be a frightening place, and it has been that for years of emotional eating, out of control habits where food is concerned and all to the detriment of my health. I developed Diabetes, and was on oral meds and 5 shots a day and my numbers were still not where they were supposed to be. So I realized, a while ago, I had to change my mindset first, and the rest will follow. It's so easy to listen to and believe the negative things you tell yourself. I honestly remember telling myself how much I hated me and what I had become, I could not look at myself in the mirror without disgust at what I saw. My kids would judge how much weight mom lost according to if they could connect their hands around me when they hugged me. So after a bad marriage, and a bad 5 year relationship, I decided to work on ME. In doing so, I found the person I lost, and surprisingly she was waiting to make an entrance. She sat in the background being emotionally battered for long enough and food was her only friend. I tried denying the Diabetes and it got worse, they had to change insulin doses all the time just to see what might work, and it caused me to feel sick more often than not. But I had to press through, and had to realize that I AM worth fighting for, I AM worth my time, and I don't want my kids to know life without me at this point, I'm still young. That's where the positive talk came in to play and I can honestly say that with all things this helps me the most. I feel better because I am working on me from the inside out. This surgery was just icing on the "virtual" cake!!! Now I am self motivating me for the start of the rest of my life, and it feels great!!! I try not to let the negative things get me down, because I've been down that depression/anxiety road before and I don't like that path in life at all. Some things I say over and over that really help are as follows: "There is nothing to great of accomplishment for one who knows the power of one's word and follows one's intuitive leads." - "The perfect plan includes health, wealth, love and perfect self-expression. this is the square of life, which brings perfect happiness." - "When you feel the world pushing against you...drop your head, lower your shoulder and dig in deep and push back." - and the best one so far, by Joel Osteen: "You need to associate with people that inspire you, people tat challenge you to rise higher, people that make you better. Don't waste your valuable time with people that are not adding to your growth. Your destiny is too important." Believe that...YOU are important, YOU are so worth the effort you put in to yourself and YOU will be the BEST YOU that you can possibly be. As the song says...."YOU are AMAZING, JUST the way YOU ARE!!!"

Six months ago today marks the anniversary of a very important day. The day I put my foot in the Jordan River (metaphorically speaking, of course) and took a leap of faith. I decided to quit my extremely stressful, horrible, high-paying corporate job at a large wireless company, put my house on the market, had my last panic attack and jumped head first, heart open into my new life. Little did I know the changes that were in store for me, including the miracle of stumbling on to this surgery I'm about to undergo. I couldn't imagine then what I know now - happiness, serenity & peace. I don't know what the future holds but I do know this: I'm where I'm supposed to be and being guided by something greater and bigger than I could ever imagine. Don't get me wrong - it's not all roses, sunshine and butterflies, but I'm choosing to make the most of every day, despite the fact I'm selling my home, a business, a rental cabin, no full-time job (yet), a daughter that will be leaving the nest (most likely permanently) in a few weeks, a son who is starting his senior year of high school and no idea where I will land in a few months. What I DO have is faith - faith in me (after a very long time, tons of therapy, etc.), faith in my husband of 23+ years, faith in my weight loss (down 10 lbs. from high protein/low carbs in just a week!) and faith that a year from now I will be a completely different person. Just five more "sleeps" (as my kids used to say) until I check in the hospital. My husband asked me this morning if I was scared. I can honestly say I'm not. Just super excited to get rolling.

And I missed it! I may have a brand new band in but I still consider the 1st August 2008 to be the first day I became a bandster. And despite the ups and downs, it has been a game changer for me. It transformed my life in so many ways that I can't even begin to articulate. Not just in my weight, my health and my prognosis for my future health, but in my confidence, my view on life, my career and my value in myself. Happy bandiversary to me! It's been an amazing 5 years and here's to many many more to come.