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I feel like a different part of my brain has been activated over the last few weeks. Look at how much we all have to learn to prepare for this surgery. When was the last time you used the words "pyloric valve" in polite conversation, on a regular basis? Eight weeks ago, I didn't realize I would be a "sleever", a "post-op" a "full liquids" stage. I was just me, loving life, my job, my husband, my kids, and reading Sci-Fi if I wanted to learn new words (China Mieville, anyone?) Unfortunately, today I also know things like "sliders", "pre-op cheating", "slow loser", "stall", "head hunger", "weight re-gain", "falling off the wagon". And now, these words I've never used before have become imbued with emotions, with meaning--and another way to judge myself and others. Now these words are emotion-laden, and I have to work to make them rational. Now, if I'm not careful, I will categorize myself by these words and find another way in which I could be seen to have failed. For someone who is as motivated as am I by the fear of failure, now these can be new weapons. Unless I refuse to let that happen. Unless I say to myself and those around me, that everyday that I stick to the plan is a successful day. That everyday I veer off the plan is an opportunity presented to me to triumph the next day. That this is my new life, and I intend to live it, enjoy it, succeed at it, and let the Universe unfold the way it should. So I will try not to throw out the old, happy life I had, and live instead by one where I can succeed or fail daily based on an outcome I may not be able to control--like when I stall, or what I lose. I can only control what I do, and that part, I know how to live by that.

After all the obsessing, the second-guessing, the tears, the food funerals, the binges "pre the pre-op," the failures on the pre-op, the successes on the pre-op, the hours reading on this site. And now.... the surgery is tomorrow! Some musings: --As I've posted, as surgery gets closer, I get calmer. Or at least that has been true up until today. I am going to post tonight to see if I start freaking out again, but right now I am solid and confident that this will all go well and I'll be very happy with the results. --As I look around my community at women and men who are as overweight or more overweight as I am, I feel such compassion. I know how that feels to be in this body and not believe I could ever get out. The feeling of a sugar binge, the out of control feeling, the horrible remorse and beating of self, then the starving myself to "make up for" the binge. And then the entire cycle starting again. So many people will remain stuck there because they don't know about the surgical option, cannot afford the surgical option, or are too scared to go with the surgical option. I feel so blessed today. Although I have no illusions about how tough this is going to be, at least I have hope of a real and lasting change. --I keep remembering my surgeon telling me that this is the only real cure for obesity. A CURE - not a bandaid this time! --The risks of this surgery are less than the risk of gallbladder surgery or hip replacement surgery. I have weighed the risks and benefits and I'm not going to start the mental mindf--ck of second guessing myself this late in the game. Now is not the time to start re-questioning my decision. I thought long and hard about this before I made my decision. Now is the time to trust. --I'm feeling grateful for this forum. It has been such a blessing to be able to read about your experiences, share my experiences, ask for help, ask for advice, and receive inspiration and support. You guys are like an online family. Only a lot more understanding about the weight stuff LOL! --Because I am so grateful for being able to learn about this process by reading your experiences, I am resolved to "give back" by blogging my own experience. I've blogged pre-op. I fully intend to blog as soon as I get home from surgery and for the time I am home from work so that others can get another perspective on "what it is really like." Okay...that's it for me this morning. I'll check in tonight. P.S. I stayed on my pre-op diet again yesterday - put together 3 days plus today (assuming I stick to it). Also, 2 week anniversary of quitting smoking. I rarely have cravings and I love not always wondering "where are my cigarettes?" "do I have enough cigarettes?" "how much longer til my kids go to bed so that I can sneak outside and have a cigarette." Etc. Love to all, Keep the faith, Angela

Stalls suck as much as you understand the reason behind them, we still hate them.

I'm also not losing inches right now which makes it tougher. But I've only measured bust, waist, hips and bra band. I'm sure if I'd gone the whole hog, maybe I'd see an inch off my thighs or something. It's a mind-set issue and an emotional hardiness that I have to develop, to overcome my years of traumatic experiences with not losing.

GamerGirl writes some of the best stuff.....I didn't want to lose this, so I'm keeping it on my "blog".......the 2nd week after surgery I had 5 days where my weight stayed the same......was it a stall? I didn't know and didn't care.......with everything I've read about VSG, I knew there would be bumps on this journey and not to get discouraged......but for more information, GG has posted some great reads below. Source: This is a Public Service Announcement concerning Stalls & Plateaus

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wKyXA_nMVQ This video explain what been going on with me in the past 2 weeks. I am such a young old head! I am going to warn you guys I am going to be venting! So why I do I hate fake people because they are stabbers and lairs. I know most of my flaws but I will say this I am not fake! The only thing that is fake about me is the hair weave that is in my hair! So what happened? One on my good friend (coworker) had a house fire 2 weekends ago and lost everything. Last Monday I came into work and my fellow coworkers ask did I hear what happened to my friend? I thought he died or something but my coworkers filled me in on what happened. So I started calling our friends outside of work to see if he was okay. Then I called my boss to let him know what happened. Finally my partner in crime (my friend) called me. I was so happy to hear from him! To give you a little background He supported me during my decision process of getting the lap band. He called me every day when I was out for my surgery to check on me. So I took this one to heart. Later on that day I went up stair to talk to someone who I thought who was my friend. She asked me did I hear what happened to my friend. I close her office door and told her I was so upset that I had to take a Xanax and that he was okay. The only reason I closed her door was because I didn’t want her neighbors to know that I am on Xanax When I got back to my office I received a phone call from one of her wannabe bosses. This girl went a told her wannabe boss that I told her what happen to my friend. So basically he didn’t know about it and I was accused telling a couple of people what happened to my friend. Well that is half true I only told people who I thought who heard from him or knew how to get ahold of them and the rest was all hearsay. Anyway as soon as I got off the phone I started to cry I was so upset that I didn’t eat lunch. My mentor ended up calming me down and I proceeded on with my day. I am hurt because I thought those two people were team players but they are not. I have done nothing to them to get this type of treatment from them. So I prayed on this and forgave them but I will forgive them because this will take some time. Moving forward…. Even though they upset me I didn’t go back to my old habit Instead of 2 big girl bottles of wine I only had two glasses. I ended up seeing my friend last Friday I brought him some comfort food and gave him a cooler full of his favorite beers. Also we raised $1415 in cash and over $280 worth gifts cards for him. That came from our group of friends. We all started crying when we finish counting the money. It was very emotional for us. All about me… I am slowly breaking out from my shell about me and buying new clothes. Since my last entry I was a size 16 but mentally I am still my old size 20. It took me a week to final wear the clothes I brought 2 weeks ago! Yesterday I decided to wear one of my outfits and I was getting so much attention… and it felt good! I also started running (jogging) and I am averaging 3 miles in 30 mins. Starting next month I want to start working on my arms. My goal is to have arms like Michelle Obama! I am 59 pounds lighter and life is good! Thanks for reading.

Sorry to hear about your friend's fire. As for your co-workers, they are co-workers, not friends. People are with their co-workers more than anyone else in their life yet they don't understand the bonding sometimes. Very sad for them. Meanwhile, raising money for the fire victim was great and must have made you feel wonderful. NSV!

I love your recipies. Thank you again for sharing.