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I feel like a different part of my brain has been activated over the last few weeks. Look at how much we all have to learn to prepare for this surgery. When was the last time you used the words "pyloric valve" in polite conversation, on a regular basis? Eight weeks ago, I didn't realize I would be a "sleever", a "post-op" a "full liquids" stage. I was just me, loving life, my job, my husband, my kids, and reading Sci-Fi if I wanted to learn new words (China Mieville, anyone?) Unfortunately, today I also know things like "sliders", "pre-op cheating", "slow loser", "stall", "head hunger", "weight re-gain", "falling off the wagon". And now, these words I've never used before have become imbued with emotions, with meaning--and another way to judge myself and others. Now these words are emotion-laden, and I have to work to make them rational. Now, if I'm not careful, I will categorize myself by these words and find another way in which I could be seen to have failed. For someone who is as motivated as am I by the fear of failure, now these can be new weapons. Unless I refuse to let that happen. Unless I say to myself and those around me, that everyday that I stick to the plan is a successful day. That everyday I veer off the plan is an opportunity presented to me to triumph the next day. That this is my new life, and I intend to live it, enjoy it, succeed at it, and let the Universe unfold the way it should. So I will try not to throw out the old, happy life I had, and live instead by one where I can succeed or fail daily based on an outcome I may not be able to control--like when I stall, or what I lose. I can only control what I do, and that part, I know how to live by that.

HEY there! i am 3 weeks and 4 days out from surgery... and on a stall! i know to be positive and everything, but i just want to be like SERIOUSLY!!!!! i can see it in the tummy that its going down, i know the inches are because i put 3 pairs of jeans in the cant wear bag that needs to goto the donate pile... i joined a slowpitch softball team that plays on sundays and this last sunday was the first game... wow its been 12 years since HS and i sure can tell... i needed a roll cart with air for sure!!!! i have been going to the gym.... DAMN i was so excited to start tho... i get up to bat and totally nerves set in like **** what did i get myself into... i am going to kill myself, but licky me i have insurance lol... well its slow pitch so the ball is no faster than a third grader playing... YEAHHHH!!!! i slam the ball out in the left feild (or i think that is what it was i have forgotten how sad) i was like HELL YEAH the guy dropped it! haha sucker, so i hall off to 1st... as i am running, i start having the running farts like i seriously was farting going to first!!!!!! PRAYING no one heard me lol... pants are able to fall down i was just so excited to get to first! i made it!!!! but then got out at 2nd the next batter... hahah hope you have had a good laugh now!!!! but i am stalling scale has not moved in a week but that is okay... i keep plugging away and going to the gym... i wanted to cheat and not go yesterday but made myself go and was so glad i did!

Six months of waiting and today I was able to schedule my surgery. 28 days from now I will being heading to LGH for a procedure called the Sleeve Gasrectomy. I feel so excited! I have met with my nutritionist once a month for the last 6 months, and have really come a long way in the way that I think about food. I have attended cooking demos, support groups, met with a behavior Specialist and had one on one instruction on strength building. The results I have lost 45 pre surgery pounds. I am so ready for the next step.

I lived on this, still eat it. I love it!

Oh my goodness.... our poor pups are going to need sleeve surgery next.

I LOVEDDDDDDDDDDDDDD THIS THANK YOU SO MUCH ! I CAN SEE IT ALL NOW.Your a great writer.

I have no support and it sucks. But - I am transforming myself into a strong, beautiful woman- that my kids will adore and appreciate having me so active in their lives.