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I did something I didn't think I'd EVER be able to do Saturday night: I attended a bachelorette party for a good friend, jumped on a party bus with 11 other ladies and didn't touch a DROP of alcohol the entire night. Well, ok, there was ONE sip at a comedy club after my friend sent her margarita back twice claiming it had soda in it so I just had to see for myself how truly hideous it was. And it WAS. But that was it! We had dinner at a Mexican restaurant. My FAV food in the world. Not a chip passed my lips. No beans. No rice. Just some grilled chicken with a bit of salsa on it and a few black beans. The moral? If I can spend 7 hours on a bus full of crazy drunk people, pass on Mexican, (oh and did I mention there was cake?), pass on cake (I shall leave the "shape" of cake to your imagination) - I CAN DO THIS. Just how tough was this? Oh so hard. Normally I'm the life of the party, and at my current height/weight I can put it away. Bottom line - WILL POWER. One week until surgery. I've turned down fruit, beer (gulp), chips, etc. My size 0, 19 year old daughter left a 1/3 eaten Snickers bar on the counter the other day (who DOES that?!) and I wrapped it up and stuck it away for her later. I wasn't even tempted to finish it as I would have been a month ago. I want to be healthy more than I want the 2 second gratification of tasting chocolate. The other thing I'm learning is that food is for FUEL, not for emotions. Old me: "Hey! It's sunny! I need a bowl of cereal! Oh crap, it's raining, I should probably make a pot of pasta and have 3 huge bowls. Look at that, I'm sad - better grab some chips and dip" (you get the idea). Now I'm listening to my tummy for cues that it needs fuel. Let me close this post by saying - to know me is to know how hard this has been and will be for me. BUT I'm doing it and so can you. Stay positive - eye on the prize.

Surgery complete. Half way to goal. Happy with the results thus far. But how far am I going? At the moment, I am just adrift in the currents of change and weight loss. Not a bad place to be, for now. Societal pressures say I should be rail thin. The BMI (to which our insurance companies enslave our health standards to) says I should be very thin, when going by the ideal weight for all of my 63". My boyfriend would like for me to keep some curves. My doctor wants me to lose at least 80lbs, no more than 100. Everyone has an idea of where I should end up, and what I should be. What about me? Yes, I know. I know. I should get to a place that makes me happy. But where is that? I know I don't want to be rail thin or too thin. I like having curves, but I don't want too many curves. That's why I got the surgery in the first place! I'm half way to the Doctor's goal. I have time to figure this out. I have time to discover the new physical me that emerges. In the end, fat or skinny, I am still me. I like me. I didn't like the way I looked, but I like ME. So, here I go, adrift in the currents of change and weight loss. Enjoying the journey. To thine own self be true.

Way to go...just reading your post describes me to a T. I start my 2 weeks of liquids on 8/26.

But I guess it plays on my basic fear of change. How am I going to handle being thinner and how people will react and treat me at work and socially. As it is, I have 40 years of knowing how people treat the fat me. Now, I have to worry about how people will treat me as a thin person. Yep... the big isasue is our head(s). Know and work on this and all will be OK, I believe (and I am as crazy as you are).

Lol i just hosed off! I couldn't clean myself properly.