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The night before surgery....I kept myself busy and finally at 11 dropped from exhaustion.....and slept like a baby until the alarm went off at 4 a.m. I was in the OR, getting prepped for surgery, asked for something for nausea in my IV, we had a few laughs, and the next thing I know, I'm happily waking up in recovery... My eye sight was blurry for hours after the surgery....and as soon as they let me, I walked...blurry eye sight or not.....the fear of gas pain was my motivator, I walked as often and as far as they'd let me....and continued walking every hour starting the 1st day after surgery. When I was finally in a room (long delay), I felt utterly helpless and useless....like a beetle on its back. I'm not a fan of pain killers......don't experience pain like most people....I only took something late at night (not sure I needed it, but thought it couldn't hurt and sleep was important.) Morning came early, and the first thing I did was pee and walk...I don't think people knew what to make of me walking at 5:30 in the morning, so I just smiled and said good morning.....had the dreaded leak test this morning (wasn't so bad)....found it.hard to sip my liquids today, but wasn't too worried because I'm hooked to an IV......they are giving me prilosec in my IV, and I've never had nausea. I am sore, but not in any real pain. The only pain is when I breath in deep. The biggest problem I'm facing is high blood pressure.....it's all over the map.....so they are giving me something for that.....6 hours later we finally see a break. Day 2.....time to go home! Yeeha! so sick of being hooked up to an IV and having my pee measured and BP taken LOL The first thing I do is get up for my early morning walk.........and surprised how much easier it is to get up and out of that bed....wow! They give me another dose for my blood pressure.....will have my blood pressure checked on Monday with my PCP...may have to go on blood pressure medicine until some of this weight is gone (I've never been on BP meds before) I was dreading the self injections.....did that this morning, and it wasn't so bad. UPDATE: I did have a drain, and that for a brief second or two hat was some intense pain when it was take out---but again, very brief. I haven't experienced the gas pains yet....hoping all that walking worked it out....but I'm still walking..... I've experienced my restriction...took one little sip too many and felt it.....luckily it was a tiny sip and went away quickly. UPDATED: this pain I'm experiencing is a spasm, not a restriction....will try warm liquids and see how it goes. Now that I'm home, my arms are killing me.....I figure one is from the IV....no idea about the other....my IV was in my hand, and my hand is a little swollen and sore. I was told the priority and goal in the next few days is to get down the isopure (1/2 bottle mixed with water).....finding it difficult, but I sip as much as I can (I found in the hospital juice and broth went down much easier LOL) I haven't gained weight from the hospital (yet anyway) but I am swollen around the mid section. Right now I'm feeling rather fortunate....have not had a WTH did I do moment. I'm so thankful to have a wonderful man by my side for support. The things I packed that I used....a pillow (only for the ride home)....a maxidress w/o anything at the waist was great for going home with a cami underneath...a note pad/pen for notes/questions for when the doctor came in...my own tooth brush/paste, hiar brush, eye glass case, and my cell phone to check in with VST and for my email. I know this is just the first step in a life long journey, but rather than anxious as I have been, I'm looking forward to the ride.....

Okay, here are a few things I want to do once I reach my weight goal. wear a bikini. walk in high heels comfortably. do a marathon run/walk for a charity. to be able to run around and play with my little sister without being out of breath or lack of energy. be more confident. to stop hiding behind my laptop and enjoy life. to look and the mirror and be happy with what I see. to go to my high school reunion as the new me. to go back to school and be able to fit in those awful desk. to do a cycling class to be healthy I've got a long way to go before I reach any of those goals but for right now I have smaller goals that are achievable for right now. Refer to my blog before this blog. I think a list of goals can be helpful especially if you are serious about reaching them.

Dealing With Stalls Just be patient. I know it's frustrating when the scale doesn't move. I'm on week 11 and I've had at least 3 different weeks where the scale doesn't move for 7 days, then I'll mysteriously be down 2 - 3 pounds overnight. Your body is just acclimating to the lower calorie intake and sometimes it is holding onto every calorie, trying to replace the glycogen stores in the muscles. I don't have a formula for getting the scale moving again, but I do try to mix things up to keep my body from getting used to a set pattern. I walk a little extra, up my vegetable intake, or eat low carb for a day or two to see how my body will react. I was eating pistachio nuts and sunflower seeds last week and EEEEEKKKKKK! I gained 2 lbs that week. Monday I went back to basics of eating my refried beans and chicken (eating 4oz every 2 hours), this morning I've lost the extra 2 lbs plus another 1lb. For the 1st time in 4 years I'm under 310lbs.

Yes I am scale obsessed too. I way myself twice a day, but try not to freak out if it doesn't move for a couple of days. Fortunately it hasn't gone up or I probably would freak out. Haven't had any real long stalls yet and I'm hoping that they will stay away!

A little over 6 months post op and I can feel some unusual things happening. I am starting to think like a thin person. It was a slow, gradual change for me. What I mean when I am starting to think like a thin person is that I no longer dwell on things that I ate that wasn't in my perfect vision of my "diet". Pre-surgery (actually a few months even after surgery), if I ate something that wasn't on my envisioned list of allowed foods, then I would just get all emotional about it. I would dwell on it. I would have it in my head that I messed up and I was a failure. I would allow one "naughty" food to dictate my entire days' worth of eating. It was a form of sabotage, and it would set me into a cycle. I would eat, get depressed, and feel like a failure and then eat again. Slowly, but surely I began to allow myself to eat things that weren't on my perfect diet list. I found that even on those days when I had something like crackers or something else that I didn't think would help my weight loss I still lost weight. Some times I even found that it helped my weight loss when I was in a stall. Other times it helped my work outs progress. I guess what I am trying to say is that I ate something naughty and found out that my world didn't end. I didn't gain weight over night, I didn't look in the mirror and see an extra roll of fat, and other people didn't look at me and see that I "cheated". Slowly over time, my mind started to grasp this concept and started transforming. I feel a lot better about food. I don't rely on it as much. I am not afraid of it as much. All these emotions are not tied up to it as much. If one day I have a craving that I just can't shake, like m&ms...I have a few. The difference is I have a FEW and not the whole bag. I savor the taste and then move on. One little craving doesn't end up costing me days and eventually months of over eating and unhealthy eating. As a fat person, I was so hung up on food. Every thought of my day was tied to food. Am I over eating? Was that too much weight? Is this too much carbs? As a fat losing person, I eat normally. If I feel I might have eaten a little too much I just try to balance it out by moving more throughout the day. I think I am finally finding some balance. My anxiety has come down a whole lot now that I am not constantly obsessing over every aspect of food or eating.

Well, I made it through my first day! It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I guess I just feel kind of tired but nothing too bad. I'm so ready for these 2 weeks to be over so I can have my surgery and be on my way. This morning on my way to work I felt the first little bit of anxiety over my surgery but I know that's normal and it passed as soon as I started of thinking of all the positives. I'm so excited to have my surgery. Aug. 5....can't wait!

Yum! Thank you for sharing.