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This morning I weigh 99.8 pounds less than I did before I started my journey (roughly 1 year ago, with surgery in October 2012). I wasnt' going to post until it was an even 100. But I thought, .2 lbs...really? You're going to let that stop you from celebrating this milestone? No way! I wish I had this surgery 10 years ago. I feel fabulous, both physically and mentally. I still make mistakes and continue to learn. I'm able to stick to plan 95% of the time. For those who are riding the fence, I can tell you that this is the BEST thing I have ever done for myself. I know it will be a lifelong journey battling my issues with weight, but I finally feel like it's a fair fight.

I just got back from vacation at Yellowstone and like many banders I was tighter while at the higher altitude, and discovered that I felt better. So since I had a LB fill appointment this morning, I had them tweak my band with a .25 cc fill. But back to liquids for today and soft for tomorrow.

So today is 16 days post-op. I am back at work and seem to be fairing well. I had to stay an hour and then some over yesterday and was running all day. I was completely wiped when I got home. I was a little sore too. But I am still healing so that is to be expected. Talk about a welcome back! Anyway today is a new day. My weight is now down to 240.4 offically this AM. I was going to weigh every Friday but I felt lighter this morning so I hopped on. So now I am down 25 pounds since the 2 week diet and 18 since surgery. CRAZY! I am so not even going to complain or compare my weight loss with others (which I thought I would be obsessed with this, its a control thing). I am not a slow or fast loser in my book. I am just losing! I remember being so happy on WW and hitting the 25 pound mark! It took me about 2 months and I thought that was quick! I lost that in little less than a month with my new tummy! I am still worried about a leak or something going wrong. This while not easy has been a prettty uneventful and my tummy has responed well to everything I have put in it. I guess I am waiting for the bottom to fall. Don't know what that is about. Some of the issues I am dealing with... Fatigue. I feel normal but then BAM it hits me and I am down for the count. This happens when I am busy and not taking steady sips of water. (like yesterday afternoon at work hauling a portable x-ray unit around and having to walk up and down 2 flight of stairs about 6 times in an hour) Bathroom issues. I have always been regular, now I go days and NOTHING. I am taking extra fiber and milk or mag (twice now). I don't feel bloated but I guess I am not taking in much so much doesnt need to come out. I know gross but true. The damn main insicion. I am ready for it to heal and the internal stitch to pop disslove whatever it does. Heat I am ready for fall so I can get out and excercise. I am not a treadmill kinda girl. Even listening to music or watching a show I get ansty and bored after 15 mintues. Thinking about joining a gym so I can switch it up when I get bored. But I am not walking/jogging in 105 heat! My period I have not had a period since end of May beginning of June. NOT NORMAL for me. You can set your clock by my cycle. First I thought nerves and stress now I don't know. I know I am not pregnant. My surgeon know about this and my PCP told me to let my body heal before getting concerned. But it worries me. H.Pylorus My surgeon got the report back from pathology and my stomach was very inflammed and tested postive for this. So now I have to have a strong 2 week dose of antibiotics to resolve this. Have to wait unitl I am eating regular because they will wreck havoc if I am not eating. Apparently lots of people have this but never know unless it causes problems. Which I was having prior to surgery. So those are my issues which are all minor! I thank the Lord for watching over me and hope I continue this journey with only positive results. I want to post pics but I am waiting for the 1 month mark! My face is where I see it the most. No more chin(S)! I now have ONE just ONE chin! My nose is smaller too! Not so WIDE. Weird never thought noses got fat until I compared it with my "skinny" pics back in the day. Now it getting back to "normal" lol. Well that is all folks until next time!

It is said that a journey of 1000 miles begins with the first step. I began my journey on April 9, 2013. That's the day it finally hit me. I was sitting on a plane. I was an Oreo away from the ultra-embarrassing plea for the belt extender. I could barely fit in the last of my emergency wardrobe. I was tired. Tired of trying to accommodate my fat life style. Because that's what you do. You accommodate your fatness. I just couldn't go on like this. I was ready for a change. I was already through all my hoops for the Lap Band surgery. I was in limbo waiting for my insurance company to green light me. But I couldn’t wait any longer. I decided .. that minute.. that tomorrow I would start my quest for Thindom. Thindom is a mystical place. It’s the fat ass version of Vallhalla, Atlantis and the Lost City of Gold all rolled up in to one. For a fat person, Thindom is a legend. It is a utopian place that the over -girthed can only dream about. No fat ass has ever been to Thindom and come back to talk about it. Many expanded explorers have tried, but all have failed. It is said that those that enter Thindom, are blessed with a new life filled with hope and joy. Everyone smiles and beams with optimism. It is a place where one size really does fit all. It’s heaven for the hefty. But beware you of fatness! The trail to Thindom is wrought with danger. There are obstacles at every turn. Unknown creatures and mythical beings lurk in the shadows; their only goal is your defeat. To get to Thindom, you must soldier through these adversities. You must plan your adventure carefully. And you can NEVER look back. You can NEVER give up. There is no yellow brick road. There is only nachos and cheese. I have made it half way to Thindom. I’m currently navigating my way through the evil forest of fat. I can see the magical mountains of Munchies in the distance. Once I cross their jagged peaks, I hope to spy the valley of Thindom. I know it is there. I can feel it. Alas, my journey has had its ups and downs. I have danced with the Devil. I have succumbed to the liquid offerings of Al C. Hall. I have fought the beautiful temptress and her sultry offers of cheeseburger and fries. I have dueled with the Duke of Doughnuts. Yes friends, there have been pitfalls. But every time I fell, I got up. The demons in my mind have not deterred me from goal. I have managed to shed 45 pounds of unsightly blubber. I have 41 to go to hit my goal. If my present pace continues, I will have a 1 in the front of my weight in a few weeks for the first time since Reagan was president. Yes, I know. The road to Thindom gets harder as you get closer to the gate. I hope it’s not just fat ass folklore. When I get there, I will try to contact you from the other side. I wonder if Thindom has wi-fi? Until we meet again…. Johnny T Please visit my blog: TheDeconstructionOfJohnny.blogspot.com

Well this will be my last VST entry. My sleeve blew out just below my esophagus, food was leaking into my body and caused a major abcess. Sooo, my entire stomach had to be removed, they did a bypass, so I'm back to square one. Unfortunately, I'm on a temporary feeding tube which is no fun. Also, I went through oxycodone withdrawal, if it weren't for my faith in my Lord Jesus Christ I would have lost it. I guess I'm one of the one percent

CHANGE I've been asking myself - why is change so scary? What is it about change that makes us worry about it, and even avoid it? Especially if that change could be the best thing that ever happened to us? What I've come to realize, is that it isn't the change itself that is frightening. It's that we aren't sure if we'll like what we get through change. I've been reading a lot of and watching a lot of you tube videos by people who have had various bariatric surgeries. I've been trying to see the perspective of this choice through others eyes. But I've also come to realize that it's impossible for me to gauge their experience, because I don't live their lives. And they aren't me. Some people have never even had surgery of any kind - and then they end up having to get this surgery for their long term health. I have to say goodbye to my incessant need to eat everything on my plate, my need to bake as a form of recreating my childhood before my mom died, my need to depend on my weight to make me feel safe, and my need to control change through food. Instead I need to let change happen and separate it from food and from control. Let's face it: the only choice we really have is to make a choice in the first place.

So, my 10 year class reunion was last weekend...I was excited to go- but still very nervous. As I've said a hundred times before- I've been overweight most of my life- and while I was excited to show off the new me...many people from high school hadn't seen me at my heaviest point, which came a few years after my son was born- so I wasn't sure they'd notice any major change- like those that really know me did. Boy, was I wrong. EVERYONE had nice things to say about how great I looked, and it was nice to go and enjoy the evening and NOT feel like everyon had something rude to say- or was watching me. It was nice to just be one of the crowd, and not feel like I stood out. Hubby looked awesome as usual, and we made a cute couple that I was proud to show off It was great catching up with some long-lost friends and reconnecting with some folks I hadn't talked to in the last 10 years as well. I felt like getting to go and ending the night not being totally panicked about what everyone else was thinking was my biggest accomplishment thus far. Me and my best bud from high school before the reunion 5 month photo change!!

I'm starting this blog for myself, and If anyone wants to reply, give me some advise, or just say hello I can use the encouragement. I'm off to Mexico soon (I hope) I was thinking first week of October, then said if I don't do it sooner I will chicken out. I've read the horror stories, and I've read the success stories, and I'm praying to be a success story. I've battled my weight most of my adult life and I'm done being stuck in this body that doesn't allow me freedom. I've been think, I've been fat, and I've been obese.... I think I've heard about a million diets, and I know for a fact I've tried them all.... people will always offer advise on how to lose the weight, my answer to them is simple I know how to lose the weight,, I've done it one thousand times, it's keeping it off that I have trouble with. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I say to myself "you don't look over 220 lbs (I'm 221 as of this morning) however, yesterday I went to get a temporary pass to get on the air base, and when she took my pictures I didn't know who was staring back at me... It was at that moment when I walked to my car, crying, I was going through with the surgery. I have saved, sold things, and am getting an extra job for three weeks to pay for the rest. Anything has to be better than living in this hell, and never going out, doing anything and avoiding as many people as possible.... I'm done,,,, I am going to be happy and live life again........ (I will post the pic that was taken of me on base yesterday) even if no one reads this blog, I will keep it for me, as i'm going to Mexico alone (I hope to meet some new friends when I arrive in San diego airport) So, one day, I'll sit my adult girls down and let them read this blog....... because come one.... if I told my girls, mother, or sisters and friends. HEY, I've decided to fly into san diego, drive across the boarder with a stranger, who will take me to a hotel in a country I've never been to, and lets face it has not got a good rep. here in the USA... and then I'll meet with my Doctor the day before, do some pre-op, and yes, I shall have surgery the next day,,,,, THEY"D lock me up~~~

So I am on the sleeved side! I am doing ok...sore but ok. Surgery was uneventful and the first evening and night I just walked and pushed my happy button and slept. The next day is when the GAS hit. I was FULL of IT! Walking is helping but it is still there but much less. Until I could fart I was very uncomfortable. Now I am ok. I havent felt sick and I am handling all the fluids I have tried pretty well. I have had ISoPure power Zero with protein added decaf coffee and stevia broth jello and tea. Coughing hurts like hell burping can be uncomfortable. So day two the worst is I am just SORE. I have cleaned up a little and helped get the kids to camp and sitter and I am pooped. I have no desire to eat at all which is good since my family still has to eat. The smells don't make me sick either. Nothing too eventful and I hope it stays that way. Each day seemd to get eaiser. I havent even weighed myself. I am focusing on healing not the scale right now. Well I need a nap!

Just got back from my 2 week checkup. Down 21 lbs from my pre-surgery start weight. Doc put me on the puree diet and told me to walk at least 1 hr a day 4 - 5 times a week. That's going to be difficult because of all the rain coming up for the next week. I'm doing pretty well with cream of chicken and cream of mushroom soup and peanut butter. But I've tested a tiny bite of chicken, hamburger and Vienna sausages, seems like anything along those lines is still too tough for my stomach. Almost immediately I can feel rolling gas bubbles in my stomach and I have to burp. Found some great food storage containers at Wal-Mart. They seem to be the perfect size for how much I can eat at one sitting.