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I’ve been so lazy since being on vacation from both jobs but not too lazy to not workout. Thursday was my 3 month bandversary! I can’t believe it been 3 months since I’ve been banded. So what have I learned? I learned that God has blessed me with the best support system in the world. I learned I am getting much better with time. I learned how to be sociable again. Also I learned its okay to have a cheat day. So how did I celebrate my 3 month bandversary? I went shopping! I am not going to lie to you guys I’ve been avoiding shopping like the plague. It’s all mental for me. I remember going shopping and I will find a very cute outfit but it never came in my size. So I decided to save myself from the embarrassment and shop on line. I can’t do that now because I am over 50 pounds lighter. Yesterday was one of those days that I really wish my best friend Lesley was there with me. She would have told me to get over it and be proud of the fact that I am 50 pounds lighter! Anyway I started slow. I grab a size 14 and a size 16 pair of pants to try on first. The 16 fit fine but the 14 I was able to put on but wasn’t able to button up. It’s okay tho because I have a new goal now. Anyway so I tried on a size XL shirt it was a little too big so I garb a large and the large fit! I didn’t cry on anything but it was overwhelming. So I just brought the shirt and a couple of accessories but next time it will be different. I had a follow up appointment with my primary doctor. Last time I seen her I was weighing 236 pounds but yesterday I seen her weighing 214 pounds! She told me that she was very proud of me and she knows that I can do this. Also I no longer have high blood pressure and I am not longer morbidly obese just obese. So that is an improvement. Today I ran 2.5 miles and I am tired. I need to clean out my closet and get rid of my size 20 clothes and 1X shirts so I can make room for my new clothes. I don’t see that happening today so let try again tomorrow. Life is good and I am loving my band! Thanks for reading.

My second week postop was SO much better than the first week. The addition of kefir (liquid yogurt) in my diet really helped to bring my diarrhea under control & everything in the whole world looked much better after that! My surgeon had me on 2 full weeks of clear liquids plus skim milk postop. It was definitely tough to go that long on just clear liquids, even with skim milk & the addition of kefir one week in. I was aware that many other docs do not require 2 weeks on clears, but I just figured this was my karmic payback for having a generous pre-op diet that was not just a bunch of shakes. Even though I had heard this might happen, I was still surprised to find myself never experiencing hunger...either physical or head hunger. A couple of times I was in a restaurant or somewhere else around yummy food, but I was barely tempted. The food looked good, smelled great...and still, I only had a tiny ripple of want, and then I forgot about it. Here's what else surprised me, though...the number of pre-op and post-op sleeve peeps who encouraged me to cheat on, or disregard, my surgeon's instructions! Granted, nobody was encouraging me to eat a cookie or something like that, but several folks encouraged me to have some yogurt, or a protein shake, or pudding. Even though I knew it it probably wouldn't hurt me to give in, I chose to stick to the plan as outlined by my surgeon. Maybe it's a small thing, but it seems to me that developing our self-discipline skills is a big part of this journey. I assume that my surgeon has chosen his post-op guidelines because he believes them to be the best way to ensure a successful start. Part of the information we learn on this & other WLS sites is just how much variation there is among surgeons, and their pre- and post-op plans. We know what other folks are being told by their doctors, and sometimes it might be easy to think, "Well, that person's doctor said it wasn't a problem, so why does my surgeon care? It won't really matter if I just....." I know that suggesting that someone have a yogurt is not the end of the world, but rationalization and justification are twin pathways on the slipperiest of slopes. I don't want to get started down that road. I will be the first to admit that my self-discipline skills can certainly use some work, but I am making the best effort I possible can to be successful on this journey.

To the weight loss surgery patient slider foods are the bane of good intentions and ignorance often causing dumping syndrome, weight loss plateaus, and eventually weight gain. Slider foods, to weight loss surgery patients, are soft simple processed carbohydrates of little or no nutritional value that slide right through the surgical stomach pouch without providing nutrition or satiation. The most innocent of slider foods are saltine crackers, often eaten with warm tea or other beverages, to soothe the stomach in illness or while recovering from surgery. Understanding Slider Foods The most commonly consumed slider foods include pretzels, crackers (saltines, graham, Ritz, etc.) filled cracker snacks such as Ritz Bits, popcorn, cheese snacks (Cheetos) or cheese crackers, tortilla chips with salsa, potato chips, sugar-free cookies, cakes, and candy. You will notice these slider foods are often salty and cause dry mouth so they must be ingested with liquid to be palatable. This is how they become slider foods. They are also, most often, void of nutritional value. For weight loss surgery patients the process of digestion is different than those who have not undergone gastric surgery. When slider foods are consumed they go into the stomach pouch and exit directly into the jejunum where the simple carbohydrate slurry is quickly absorbed and stored by the body. There is little thermic effect in the digestion of simple carbohydrates like there is in the digestion of protein so little metabolic energy is expended. In most cases patients in the phase of weight loss who eat slider foods will experience a weight loss plateau and possibly the setback of weight gain. And sadly, they will begin to believe their surgical stomach pouch is not functioning properly because they never feel fullness or restriction like they experience when eating protein. The very nature of the surgical gastric pouch is to cause feelings of tightness or restriction when one has eaten enough food. However, when soft simple carbohydrates are eaten this tightness or restriction does not result and one can continue to eat, unmeasured, copious amounts of non-nutritional food without ever feeling uncomfortable. Many patients turn to slider foods for this very reason. They do not like the discomfort that results when the pouch is full from eating a measured portion of lean animal or dairy protein without liquids. Yet it is this very restriction that is the desired result of the surgery. The discomfort is intended to signal the cessation of eating. Remembering the "Protein First" rule is crucial to weight management with bariatric surgery. Gastric bypass, gastric banding (lap-band) and gastric sleeve patients are instructed to follow a high protein diet to facilitate healing and promote weight loss. Bariatric centers advise what is commonly known among weight loss surgery patients as the "Four Rules" the most important of which is "Protein First." That means of all nutrients (protein, veggies, complex carbohydrates, then fat and alcohol) the patient is required to eat protein first. Protein is not always the most comfortable food choice for weight loss surgery patients who feel restriction after eating a very small amount of food. However, for the surgical tool to work correctly a diet rich in protein and low in simple carbohydrate slider foods must be observed. The high protein diet must be followed even after healthy body weight has been achieved in order to maintain a healthy weight and avoid weight regain.

This week I had my 6 week postop appointment. I am down about 43 lbs total, including my 2 week preop diet. After hitting 40 lbs down at 4 weeks, I went up & down the same pound for about a week. After 3 or 4 days, I stopped weighing myself every day & just waited about 5 days or so before weighing again. When I did, I was down 2 pounds & another one came off before my follow up appointment. I think my body was adjusting to having more solid food. At week 5, I was finally able to start cooking again & enjoying the kinds of food I love. I'm still focusing on softer foods, but being able to cook good food & start sharing dinner with my husband again has really boosted my outlook. In addition, I can tell my clothes are getting too big & I'm starting to pull out clothes I haven't worn in years. I found a really cute knit pencil skirt online at Target & I bought both a 3X and a 2X (Target stuff runs small on me). The 3X fits great now & the 2X will fit before too long. It's perfect for somebody with a bountiful booty & the hubs loves it. A new cookbook I am exploring right now is called Well Fed by Melissa Joulwan. It's a paleo cookbook, and Melissa also has a great blog called The Clothes Make The Girl. The paleo style of eating seems to fit in really well with our postop guidelines, so I decided to check it out. So far, I have really enjoyed everything I have tried from the book. She includes a sections on staples of a paleo pantry & ways to cook ahead the simple parts of a meal (meat, veggies, etc) that you then can use over a whole week with many variations. I found Well Fed on Amazon, along with several other paleo cookbooks I'm thinking of trying now. Over the last couple of weeks, I have had several social things to go to, plus a couple of times where I have had to be away from home for a whole day or overnight without much access to decent food. I've had to plan ahead for eating properly, and I've also had to get over my nervousness about social or party eating. I've been surprised at the things I've been tempted by & the things I have NOT been tempted by. One party was hosted by a friend who is a very good baker, and his parties always include some yummy cakes. I expected to be pretty tempted to have a bite of cake, but I wasn't. It was so weird, but I was happy with cheese & some olives & hardly looked twice at the cakes. However, last night we were at another friend's house they put out some Triscuits. OMG, I absolutely HAD to have a damn Triscuit. I was actually distracted from the conversation because I kept glancing at the Triscuits. Seriously, I'm obsessing over a Triscuit?? WTH??? I ended up eating 4 over the whole evening & they were yummy. I also had a little wine, but I didn't even finish one glass. I have noticed that I am starting to feel hunger again. A couple of times, I have been very hungry & my first 2 or 3 bites have been either too big and/or taken in too fast. Each time, I have thrown up right away. I need to do better about keeping it slow & small no matter how hungry I am. I am also struggling to take in 64 oz of water a day. I carry my bottle around, but forget to drink from it. The most I usually drink is 36 to 48 oz, and I know I need to do better than that. The other thing I'm noticing is that I'm "hungry" to get out and do more stuff now. My knees are feeling much better, and I am so much more enthusiastic about going shopping or to the grocery store or to a party without worrying about pain from standing or feeling like I am stuck in a chair while everyone else is mingling. Call it hunger for life, but that's the other hunger that's coming back & I am so grateful to feel it. Life is for living, and although I was never a person who withdrew from life, I certainly felt restricted in what I was physically able to do. My next NSV outing will be to go to our big farmer's market on a Saturday morning. Maybe next week? We'll see!

I'm going to lay out some thoughts I've been having. My intent is not to minimize the experience of anyone else, but simply to offer my own thoughts and beliefs. I know this journey is different for all of us, but I am always saddened when I see a post about how a pre-op person can't wait to "be skinny" or "look hot" or "feel good about myself again". Skinny does not equal happy. Skinny does not equal hot. Skinny does not equal feeling good about ourselves. There are just as many skinny people who are unhappy, unattractive, and down on themselves as fat people. Happiness, feeling attractive, and feeling good about oneself are characteristics generated from within, not without. A few years ago, at a very low point in my life, happiness seemed to me like a foreign concept. I could not remember the last time I had felt genuinely joyous or happy about anything. Intellectually, I knew that there were many things in my life that were desirable. I had a good job, a comfortable house, a dependable car, some money in the bank, food in the fridge, etc. But despite these things, I was unhappy. Now, I had good reasons to be unhappy, or so I thought. My marriage was failing, I was coming to grips with the fact that I would never be a mother, I wanted desperately to change my life but felt completely stuck, and so on. I remember reading somewhere that happy is a verb...it's an action, not a passive condition. I began to wonder...if I truly felt that there was no spark of happiness or joy in my life, who's fault was that? Who was responsible for my happiness? The answer, of course, is me. I was failing myself. I was not loving myself, or being kind to myself. I decided that if happy was an action, I was going to try and exercise my happy muscle. I was going to try and find one thing to feel happy about for a few minutes every day. My goal was 3-5 minutes a day of active happiness. I thought that would be super easy. After all, I had been able to identify good things in my life, so how hard could it be to think about them for a couple of minutes every day? Well, it was actually harder than I expected, but I stuck with it. I had to set a timer in the beginning, but I made myself do it every single day. Gradually, I noticed it got easier. Some days all I could come up with was something like the weather, or the fact that my bills were paid on time, but damn it...if that was all I had, then I was damn well going to focus on it & feel happy for 3 freakin' minutes. I eventually began to notice that I felt happier overall. I'm not sure why, because by this time I was just divorced and trying to figure out dating at 270 lbs & maintaining my new house, etc, but regardless, I felt happier. After meeting the man who has become my 2nd husband, he said that one of the things that attracted him to me was that I always seemed happy. I'm not saying that this is somehow a magic bullet against bad stuff happening, but holding happiness in my mind for a few minutes every day helps me to deal with the inevitable downs of life. It seems to me that consciously taking time to feel happy each day has somehow made a state of happiness more accessible in my brain. It's been almost 7 years since I began my happiness quest, and I can honestly say I feel happier today than I ever have in my life. To quote Charlotte in the Sex and The City movie, "I feel happy every day. Not all day every day, but every day I feel happy." In choosing to have the sleeve, I absolutely do not expect it to make me happy, because I'm already happy. I feel pretty good about myself today, this minute, at 300+ lbs. Yes, there are things I want to do, but I can't right now. Yes, I have pain every day & difficulty walking, but I still feel good about who I am and what I have to offer in my small corner of the world. I am aware that I am probably judged negatively by some people because of my weight, but I don't even really notice that. Today, I find it so much easier to find things in my life that make me genuinely happy. I am definitely looking forward to weighing less and seeing an improvement in my mobility, but I don't think it will make me somehow better or more acceptable or a more worthy person. I am enough, right now, just as I am. We all are, and we are all so very precious. Today, right now, at this very moment, we are beautiful, and we are valuable, and we are enough. I believe that with all my heart, and I hope you do, too.

It's been a busy few weeks. The week before last, I was out at Camp Keystone in Starke, FL for our youth Junior Soldier Camp. I had a great week of walking and enjoying nature as well as getting a good meal 3x's a day with the choice of salad as a meal in itself or something to go along with my meal. I did well and ate what I knew I could and kept away from a lot of what I knew I couldn't. I was proud of myself as I began to take my Calcium Citrate pills again (for the first time in almost a year) that week and now I am able to take them faithfully! Last week I came home to my Day Camp Kids and felt so glad to be back. While I was away though I had many moments to think about what is going on with me and to admit some things. I kept reflecting on my "Desires". Coming back home I thought that I'd be ready to get right in there and go after those things that I wanna start focusing on...nope, it's actually a greater struggle. I have to pray often and consider what will help me change the mindset that I am stuck and can't move forward. It's almost as if I need someone to take me by the hand, grab my running shoes, put my buds in my ears and go until I sweat to death! Why do I need someone to do that for me when I was the one that got me to where I needed to be in the first place? Why do I need someone to challenge me to do something that I have always been able to do on my own? Why can't I get up and get motivated to go to the gym? Why can't I do all that on my own anymore? Why doesn't it matter as much as it had before? Why haven't I been able to make this a huge priority in my life anymore? I keep asking these questions and I know that I won't see the answers or the results until I am 100% completely ready. But here I am, I am at the point of desire to do something better for myself...to fight the struggle...to beat the wanna and just do it! I know that initially I had a wonderful support system; I had my team of Doctors, Surgeons, Nurses, Dieticians, therapists, friends and family. I now have an anxiety med, a great distance between my family (a sister that I moved here to be near and haven't seen in almost a year now due to her own life's circumstances) and almost a year and a half without working out when I had been doing it up to 75 minutes daily. Where is the joy that I had? Where's the love of a new life gone? I need it back!!! I need the desire back!!! I have had lots of time to process all of this and lately it has been heavy on my heart. I need to find the right person, the perfect scenery and make it to my destination...rejoicing together along the drive. So I pray tonight, I pray for the person God has planned just for me, the place to enjoy and the results to show the best I can possibly be. It is my desire, a strong, deep desire, to be back on track physically. I lay it at the altar Lord, I leave it before You...striving for Holiness, moving from the burden of the sin to accept staying where I'm at to the reality of what is right and what I need to do to feel better. Holiness is my desire...

This post will jump around and might be confusing but I got lots to mention over the past 2 weeks! So last I posted some days ago. I was put on a new Antibiotic. Well its working!!!! :::: cue streamers, dancers, strobe light:::: Looking at it today I estimate it will be healed by next week I got the abdominal support. Awkward. I look pregnant and it makes me feel pregnant and I only wear it around the house. LoL I am completely moved into my new place! I didn't have to lift much - my mom would slap me with her eyes every time I did (like only my mother can do). And I love it. We are on the 3rd floor, so much more space and a 24 hr gym My poor dog FLIPPED out at the wooden floor. He had to be practically dragged up the stairs. But after 3 days he is good now. As far as my band goes. I am doing better. I am no longer counting calories but making good calorie decisions. I found I obsess when I count the calories instead of eating when i'm hungry and just remembering portion size. I do not not count carbs either. And I'm losing I weighed 248 going into surgery. I am now at 233. All with no fill. I am happy especially since I didnt loose anything from week 2-4. I lost 5oz during that time to be exact lol. Looking at my weight history this means I weighed this much back in 2009. That makes me excited. Soon I will be how much I weighed in high school As far as food. I can eat anything it seems like. No problem getting stuck, not one. I can not eat berries plain. I tried eating strawberries and raspberries, that didn't sit well, but I can eat them on cereal or yogurt. Gulping water (which i've done accidentally) didn't hurt either. I have been dealing with pain in my abdomen. Not where my band or port is but on my right side. Its odd. Some episodes of nausea. Some of this I have to give credit to my gastroparesis, it causes random and unexplained pain. Now I am ready for a fill. I feel encouraged. I am losing weight with no fill but I am hungry every 2 - 3 hours. I think with a fill I will be on a great track. I am going to tell my doc I dont think it will take much. I am amazed at how much my stomach is adjusting to lesser amount of food over time. Doc appt on Tuesday, we will see what they say about...welll....everything :::continues to party with strobe lights and streamers::::

I finally got moved off liquids and on to purees and soft foods after week 4. I have continued to have my espresso protein shake almost every morning, because it satisfies my coffee craving. I use 1 cup of skim milk, 1/2 cup of plain Greek yogurt, 1 scoop of vanilla protein powder (I use Syntrax Nectar), and about 1 tbsp of Cafe Bustelo instant espresso crystals dissolved in a little warm water. Stick everything in the blender bottle, shake & go. 250 cals, 45g protein, 18g carbs. I have moved very gently into more solid foods like fine chicken salad and scrambled eggs. So many folks seem to have trouble with eggs at first, and I am so thankful that I haven't had any issues. I can definitely feel the restriction more with solid foods than with liquids. Everybody told me to expect that, but I was still worried that somehow I would be 'different' and be able to take in more than I was comfortable with. On my 4th week anniversary on the 19th, I was down 40 lbs, including the 18 lost on the pre-op diet. That was 5 days ago & the scale hasn't really moved since then. It's been going up & down the same half pound or so, but I'm trying not to let that bother me. All my clothes are stretchy, so I was afraid I wouldn't be able to tell anything by the way my clothes fit, but again that proved to be wrong. I can wear dresses & tops that have been too snug for several years. I can pull off my denim capris without unzipping or unbuttoning them first. (I'm not sure when that might come in handy, but I can do it.) I have a party to go to next week & I pulled out a cute dress I haven't worn in 5 years. Not only does it fit perfectly, but it looks REALLY great. Another bonus...maybe because I'm not very far out, my "girls" are still holding their own. My waist & belly look and feel smaller, but up top is still an attractive feature. Best of all, though, I'm walking and moving much easier. I have been trying to walk at the mall every couple of days & I'm doing some light weights at home. About every 3rd time I exercise, I notice that I can either do just a little more, or the same amount is easier. I have started parking farther away from entrances & I think I may even stick my handicapped hang tag in the glove box. I'm still on soft foods for another week or so, but I'm plenty satisfied with what I'm able to eat now. I haven't tried fish yet (other than canned tuna or sardines), but I plan to try some salmon this week. My next big milestone is to eat out in a restaurant, and I think fish will be a good thing to start with. Mostly I'm just happy to be feeling good & strong & on my way to a better me!

I have felt very lucky to have had a couple of months preop to be on this site & learn from others. I appreciate the knowledge, advice, and the sharing of experiences I have found here, and I plan to pay it forward by posting regularly on my post op progress. So far, my experience has been pretty good, although in some ways it’s different than what I imagined. I was sleeved on Wednesday, June 19 at Northside Hospital in Atlanta, GA. When I woke up from surgery, I felt queasy, but I didn’t get sick. The nursing staff was great, and so was my special bariatric nurse, Debbie. I was able to wear my own gown & robe, and somehow that made me feel better. I was up walking within a couple of hours of being in my room. I needed help walking at first, mainly just to have somebody keep the IV stand out of my way. At first, I was instructed to walk once every four hours, but on the second day they bumped it up to once every 2 hours. By the second day, I could do it by myself, but my husband usually came with me anyway. I used the breathing tube thing (spirometer?) almost every hour. I never hit the goal they set for me, but I came fairly close. I didn’t sleep much on Wednesday night, only dozing on and off. They came in to take vitals every 4 hours & I just couldn’t get comfortable. That first afternoon, another VST member, journeybegins05032013 came by to meet me, and brought me the sweetest goody bag with samples of different protein powders & flavors, drink mix-ins, iron & calcium chews, a Dr. Seuss book, and a lovely journal. It was such a thoughtful gesture! I have also received wonderful calls, texts, and messages from many of my sleeve peeps, and I am just so thankful for this community. WARNING – Grossness alert! The next paragraph is about poop. Based on what I had read from others, I was expecting to not have a BM for several days. However, on Thursday morning I started pooping. It was extremely liquid, just like it had been the night before surgery with the bowel cleanse. It literally felt like I was peeing from the back side. Almost every time I peed, I would let go some more from the back. As a result, my anus hurt a lot. It was very tender & made it even more uncomfortable to lie on my back. The liquid poop has continued at home, but strangely enough I did not fart until this morning, on the 4th day out. I have been burping like crazy, but not farting. I never even used a Gas-X strip since I was pooping so much. I am on clear liquids for 2 weeks, and then will be on full liquids for 2 more weeks. My doc counts skim milk as a clear, and I’m supposed to take in 32 oz of skim milk & 32 oz of other clears every day. I made SF Jello with milk & it turned out pretty good. I used about a quarter or half cup of boiling water to dissolve & then mixed in about 1 cup & a half of skim milk. I just tried the Unjury Chicken soup with water, but next time will make it with warm milk & see how that works out. I’m not doing a good job tracking my intake, and I really need to get better about that. I am going to start using MyFitnessPal today, since I know it has been so helpful for so many folks. My energy level is still pretty low. I am walking around my house every couple of hours & taking a longer walk with the hubs every evening. I’m trying not to push myself, and just give my body a chance to heal. I haven’t felt hungry at all, either physical hunger or head hunger. Overall, I feel pretty good about my recovery so far and about how my food intake is going. For the next week, I have nothing on my schedule away from the house except for Wednesday. I am planning to keep taking it easy and just continue to heal & build my stamina back up. One day at a time, little by little, I will get to where I want to be.