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Work has been crazy lately, life has been crazy. I am busier than ever, but I am doing pretty well. There are times when I get down and out, but for the most part I feel stronger than I was 5 years ago. This past weekend I went out of town, up to Ohio to visit my MIL. I realized on this trip, going through airports, going to new places, walking down crowed streets, taking city buses, that I am not nearly as self concious as I once was. What a great feeling to walk down the street or into places and hold my head up. Going into resturants and ordering, I don't feel self concious about my order. I just don't worry nearly as much about what people think of my outside. I lived life from 6 years old until 32 now always worried about how people view my outside. When getting back to work this week, another big thing happend. In years past I would never stand up for myself- I was meek and quiet especially in confrontation. I HATE confrontation. Due to my job I often have confrontations with parents who want me to bend rules or plan out break them for their child. I hated it when I got in confrontations with co-workers. Well, my secretary screwed up majorly while I was out of town. I decided that I was not going to be the one to call the families and apologize for the problems. I took the forms back to her, told her what was wrong and to contact the families. She went off, she yelled, was very rude. In times past I would have hung my head and walked away. This time I looked her in the eye and told her she needed to calm down, that yelling at me because she screwed up was not acceptable and I would not take that. She cried left work, came back the next day and acted as if nothing happend. I stood up for me!!! What a great feeling. I am becoming more outgoing and confident in myself and my skin. I have never know what that was like. It's a glorious feeling. I realize that my no means am I a tiny girl. I wear a size 12/14 comfortably. I feel normal- like a typical person, not shamoo on legs. I feel like at 32 almost 33 years old I am finally coming into myself and it's all because I made the choice to get the band and use it. I so wish everyone who has ever felt meek and awkward due to their weight could feel like I do right now. It is liberating. I makes me want to go out and when I see a large person tell them you don't have to live like that anymore. There is hope, there is help- you just have to use it to choose it. So this morning despite my feelings of not having lost enough, I am doing the happy dance and being thankful for how my life has changed due to my band.

Yep D Day is here aka operation day. I am not nervous. This shocks me. Could be e premedication I've taken but I haven't felt nervous at all. That doesn't mean I haven't had moments of "worst case scenario" syndrome but for the most part I am good! My appointment is for 7:30 but have to be there one hour before to get IV, gowned oh yhea and pay the anesthesiologist (thank you spell check). Through this whole journey to today I have had my husband supporting me the whole way. Thank you darling. Nope I'm feeling good and looking forward to being on the other side - recovery pain and all. Good luck to all being sleeves today- see you on the other side.

I don't mind reiterating something to anyone who is really interested in figuring it all out. I am not the quickest to learn either, I'm too stubborn for my own good sometimes. It's not that sort of poster that bothers me, so please don't think that it's at all what I'm saying. It's more those who, for example, insist that they need to be so tight they can't do anything but drink protein shakes because that MUST be how people lose weight with the band, or get angry because the band magically didn't take every shred of hunger away, or are pissed off because they don't understand why they need to get fills because surely it should have worked and made them lose 50lbs straight after surgery that make me cringe. Wanting to learn is one thing, making mistakes and admitting them is another thing, but not knowing anything but pretending like you know everything? Yeah, no, I have no more patience for that. And you know when it's time to take a break when you see those posts and it feels like they're EVERYWHERE, when they're probably not.

This is the vent post I never usually make just before I leave LBT for a while. It's the one I think in my head but never say out loud. But here goes: I get tired, as do a lot of the band veterans here I'm sure, of saying the same thing over and over. I get tired of people fighting wanting only their opinion to be heard, or people asking for advice then when you give it, refusing to even consider it. I'm tired of the same story, but different faces where people talk about how the band isn't the tool they expected, when perhaps their expectations were wrong to be begin with. I get tired of people expecting responsibility for their weight loss to be taken right out of their hands just because they got a little plastic ring put around their stomach. And most of all I'm ashamed to say that I get tired to offering support to my fellow banders sometimes. Sometimes I want to concentrate on me, get on with my life, and not invest in anyone else. I'm now in maintenance and again I feel like I've done enough, I don't have anymore to give right now, nor do I want to. My wish is for everyone to find the kind of success I've had, and to be inspired by the fact that if *I* can do it, anyone can, coz god knows I'm not special, but it doesn't usually work out that way. Instead of feeling like I'm helping, I get jaded and cynical and so damned tired of the BS and want to take a break from it all. Again. So that's me, actually verbalising for once why I won't be posting any more for a little bit. I'll be back, I always come back, but for my sanity, I think another hiatus might be in order.

Yes, there are a lot of acronyms here. I've listed just the ones related to weight loss surgery, not ones in common use, such as LOL (laugh out loud). Be sure to let me know of any I've missed: BMI: Body Mass Index CW: Current Weight DS: Duodenal Switch weight loss surgery EWL: Excess Weight Loss FF: Fat Free GBP: Gastric Bypass GW: Goal Weight LBL: Lower Body Lift MO: Morbidly Obese NSV: Non Scale Victory, such as fitting in an airline seat NUT: Nutritionist OH: Obesity Help, another good online forum PB2: Peanut Butter 2 (peanut powder substitute for peanut butter) PCP: Primary Care Physcian PPI: Proton Pump Inhibitor, such as Prilosec RNY: Roux-eN-Y (gastric bypass) weight loss surgery SF: Sugar Free SMO: Super Morbidly Obese SW: Surgery Weight TT: Tummy Tuck VBG: Vertical Banded Gastroplasty weight loss surgery VSG: Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy weight loss surgery VST: Vertical Sleeve Talk, our wonderful forum WLS: Weight Loss Surgery

Thank you for the update. You are very positive and that is the key. Keep giving us those post!