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So my surgeon, who replaced my band, and his wife, who does my fills, can't agree. When I went in to see him for the first time, I'd been successfully maintaining for 3 years and then lost restriction with a leak. My BMI was just under 23. And that's what he's recorded it as. My BMI just a smidge over 24. He thinks I need to be a bit tighter so I can get back down to my pre-leak weight. His wife, however, thinks I am perfect the way I am now. What IS someone's ideal weight? Because even my care-givers can't agree. I personally think it's when I look in the mirror and am happy with me. And I'm happy with me now more than I ever have been. We're talking about mere lbs here but somehow the number on the scale is still king and I'm sick of it. I decided at my last appt that no, I don't want to lose anymore. I told them that we will work at getting a fill level that will provide maintenance for me. Not weight loss. Because in the end, *I* decide what I'm happy with, and happiness in myself doesn't come from a number on the scale. So no green zone, no regular fills, no jumping on the scales everyday. My band is working, I can feel it. Maybe not at optimal performance but good enough to help me maintain. So my scale can abdicate now, thank you very much, it is no longer the king of me.

So heres the thing, I have been a "big boned girl" my whole life. Im 6'1 so people always said " you're not fat you're big boned" My answer was always "Thanks, but bones don't jiggle" So now I've decided its time to do something about it. Lord knows I've tried before and failed so I did my research and came upon the sleeve. I zipped trought the pre cert quickly Tolerated the fluid diet for 2 weeks (minus 1 weak moment when I would've sold my kidney for a cheeseburger) and had the surgery 4 days ago. Doing well Spent 1 day in hospital. Have my 5 little glued incisions on my belly Am a little bruised here and there but all and all doing well. Worse thing that happened so far is the gas. But a little chewable Simithecone and I've burped and farted my way to a happier me. Fingers crossed only good things to follow Have my first follow up with my doctor Tuesday. Curious for the weight in. Friends tell me I've lost weight, I haven't noticed. Fat girl brain!

Omg... So this is a big week for me... full of anxiety... and self doubt. first... today is a suck ass day.... i hate birthdays and today is a big one... 45. I woke up this morning thinking... OMG... In 5 years i will be 50... I tell you just typing that put a lump in my chest... I'm getting old... second... Going to biloxi ms with my Best Friends... Gina's birthday was Saturday , mine today and Tracy's next Saturday. So this is what's keeping me up.... the dreaded SWIMSUIT.... This year will be my first time on the beach in a bikini in over 20 years. This is what's playing over and over in my head...... Walking on the beach, people looking and thinking...Who told her she could wear that... She must not have mirrors at her house... Or what if what i see in the mirror is only a refection from a fun-house mirror.... and im really disgusting and ..... omg... i'm driving my self crazy. and i didn't get to tan like i wanted .... so now i got white fat on top of all that..... CG.. send me some of your fabulous tan... Ok, Chris... Take a deep breath and remember.... this is as good as it get for now...

Well, this is embarrassing to admit, but for the past 2 years I've had to sit down to pee. At some point my gut and the fat pooch above my junk got too big and it was a real hassle (and messy) to use the urinals. So it was just easier and cleaner to sit on the toilet. So it was a happy surprise when I realized yesterday that I could use the urinals again. My job requires a dress shirt. I hated having to drop trou, tuck my shirt tale back in, and fight with my belt every time I went to the bathroom. Now I can go back to hosing down the back of the urinal and destroying the cigarette butts at the bottom. :-P P.S. They must think guys are pretty dumb around here. I saw a sign above the urinal that read, "Please don't eat the big white mint!"

So just a little vent... I think i have been pretty good on here lately with keeping my mouth shut. lol... i can think what i want... Anywho. The amount of people come on and saying they are getting them band to "control" there eating... ONLY.... Because they eat "healthy". People that eat healthy are not fat.... have you ever seen a fat vegetarians ... or a fat organic eating person? I haven't... Those people eat Healthy.... WEEEEEE are fat because WEEEEEE eat McDonalds, Burger King, Taco Bell..... Just because you go to Wendy's and order a Salad to go with your burger instead of the fries... Dose not make you a "healthy" eater.....What kind of delusional world do some living in. And i'm going to the all caps now...... IF YOU ATE HEALTHY, YOU WOULD NOT BE NEEDING THE LB..... WAKE THE HELL UP!!!!! We all needed the LB because we ALL eat too much and eat not the best choices. Be real people.... if you can't come here, in a forum, of fat and former fatties and be honest... what do you have too look forward too. I tell you what you have too look forward too.... blaming your band for not losing weight. I know why i have gainded back 7 lbs in the past few months.... because 1. my hubby lost his job and has been home and I have been making bad choices.... 2. i have been eating way too much junk. 3. I need to get my butt back too the gym. End vent... Peace and Love...

Well I survived my first weekend with the pre-op diet. YAY!! I started on Thursday and it wasn't too bad. Friday I felt awful. I had a headache all day and no energy. Saturday was better. Still had a headache on and off but I was able to take a nap since I was off. My husband was off this weekend. He went to the store and I told him to get whatever he wanted for him and my daughter for their lunches and dinner. He came back with frozen pizzas, chips, cheez-its.. Really? I guess my first mistake was to send him shopping on his own. Lol! Sunday we went to the zoo. We stopped to eat lunch. I took some strawberry protein powder and lemonade crystal light powder. I mixed this with water in my shaker bottle. My husband and daughter had nachos and pizza. I drank my lunch. I did good though! No cheating!! We probably walked around for 4-5 hours so I got some exercise in. I had heard that the first 3 days are the hardest on the pre-op diet. I agree! This is getting easier and I feel better. I have pre-op testing and meet with a dietician Friday at the hospital and then a nutrition class at my surgeon's clinic. Here's to a four day work week!! 11 days until surgery!! I'm ready!! Believe

ok so i m 3week4day post op n m doing much better had some problems after surgery end up back at the hospital for chest pain to find they bruised my spleen then a week later to find i had a 103 temp so they kep me for 3 days to find a lil lisgen of blood next to my spleen but they said it should go away i see the doc on aug 2nd cant wait to get wight brite side had to get some new underwear went from a 13 to 11 that was nice and i have had chicken n its not all i was hoping for but eggs are good n had some tilapia for dinner to night my husband cooks and he is all about making me a kids plate i no he means well but some times it just a lil much he talks to me like a lil kid now i hope it does not last cause i may have to run him over with my car lol well i will write again soon hope everyone is doing well