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I am on day 2 of my pre op liquid diet. I have to do this for 2 weeks. My husband, who is having the sleeve done with me, only has to do 1 week. Our surgery is August 5th. I wanted to cry today when I heard my stomach growl. But to be honest I cannot remember the last time I heard it growl. I am learning a lot about this body of mine. That is when the pity party started. I feel like crap. How could I have let myself go this far? How come I did not stop the overeating when I only had 50 pounds to lose?? I went through a list of how, why, when....you name it. I then realized that I am being given an opportunity to get my life back. To enjoy things I have not been able to do. To go places I have been uncomfortable going. I am going to be new.....it is all going to be worth it. And the best part is I have my husband there for support. He will be my partner through this new stage of our lives. We will be a team. So I decided to go wash some clothes. To give myself a change of scenery. To wash clothes I may not be able to wear again someday....

Yesterday, I started to really think about what I can do. This brings many thoughts to mind- the things I can do now since losing 60 lbs, the things I want to do, the things I should do, ect. Pre-surgery I was lucky, my health was pretty good, but I was terrified of it starting to fail. My knees had just started to ache when I walked alot- they would pop and creek. I knew they were telling me I was to large. I would cut grass and go inside and sometimes passout- litterally- do to over excertion. Did that twice. Yeterday afternoon it was 92 degrees at my house with 98% humidity and guess what- I pushed mowed my lawn with NO ill effects. It took me 45 mins to cut the entire yard. Then I did some clipping in my flower garden and watered my pepper plants. Then I finally went into the house- and I felt good. I went stratight and got in the shower since I was dirty, wet and smelly. I got out of the shower, got a glass of water, sat down a few min and then back up to cook dinner. I couldn't have do that 60 lbs ago. I now walk and sometime jog without pain. I can ride a bike for a mile or more without stopping. I will be the first to tell you I hate "exercise". I put it in "" because I don't like just walking, or just getting on the elliptical or just lifting weights. I like to do something with a purpose that has a end point, like what I did yesterday. I love working in my yard, in the garden with my mom, playing with my neice, walking to go somewhere, even house work. So I know that since I don't like exercise, it is very important that I move! So even though I have a office job I have tried to set things up where I must move. My bookshelf is across the room with my reference lit, my file cabnet is across the room. I have to stand up and step to my printer. Instead of taking the short cut to the potty I take the long way around. I stand up when on the phone. Movement is movement and it burn energy which burns calories. Over the last 6 months my weight loss has slowed, but not stopped. On average it seems I lose around a pound to 2 pounds a month. While this isn't what I would love to lose, it is a loss. It is steady and comfortable. I don't feel like I am giving up anything. I feel like the life style I am living is one I can maintain forever. I make better choices, I do follow a give and take rule, I move more. So while I complain and fuss, fume and whine about having not lost as much as others; I am proud to say in 1 year and 1 month I have not gained, my weight has been on a decline. So I think little by little, inch by inch one day I will reach my goal. I may not get there as fast as I had hoped or dreamed, but I will make it. I can do this, one step at a time.

I'm going to lay out some thoughts I've been having. My intent is not to minimize the experience of anyone else, but simply to offer my own thoughts and beliefs. I know this journey is different for all of us, but I am always saddened when I see a post about how a pre-op person can't wait to "be skinny" or "look hot" or "feel good about myself again". Skinny does not equal happy. Skinny does not equal hot. Skinny does not equal feeling good about ourselves. There are just as many skinny people who are unhappy, unattractive, and down on themselves as fat people. Happiness, feeling attractive, and feeling good about oneself are characteristics generated from within, not without. A few years ago, at a very low point in my life, happiness seemed to me like a foreign concept. I could not remember the last time I had felt genuinely joyous or happy about anything. Intellectually, I knew that there were many things in my life that were desirable. I had a good job, a comfortable house, a dependable car, some money in the bank, food in the fridge, etc. But despite these things, I was unhappy. Now, I had good reasons to be unhappy, or so I thought. My marriage was failing, I was coming to grips with the fact that I would never be a mother, I wanted desperately to change my life but felt completely stuck, and so on. I remember reading somewhere that happy is a verb...it's an action, not a passive condition. I began to wonder...if I truly felt that there was no spark of happiness or joy in my life, who's fault was that? Who was responsible for my happiness? The answer, of course, is me. I was failing myself. I was not loving myself, or being kind to myself. I decided that if happy was an action, I was going to try and exercise my happy muscle. I was going to try and find one thing to feel happy about for a few minutes every day. My goal was 3-5 minutes a day of active happiness. I thought that would be super easy. After all, I had been able to identify good things in my life, so how hard could it be to think about them for a couple of minutes every day? Well, it was actually harder than I expected, but I stuck with it. I had to set a timer in the beginning, but I made myself do it every single day. Gradually, I noticed it got easier. Some days all I could come up with was something like the weather, or the fact that my bills were paid on time, but damn it...if that was all I had, then I was damn well going to focus on it & feel happy for 3 freakin' minutes. I eventually began to notice that I felt happier overall. I'm not sure why, because by this time I was just divorced and trying to figure out dating at 270 lbs & maintaining my new house, etc, but regardless, I felt happier. After meeting the man who has become my 2nd husband, he said that one of the things that attracted him to me was that I always seemed happy. I'm not saying that this is somehow a magic bullet against bad stuff happening, but holding happiness in my mind for a few minutes every day helps me to deal with the inevitable downs of life. It seems to me that consciously taking time to feel happy each day has somehow made a state of happiness more accessible in my brain. It's been almost 7 years since I began my happiness quest, and I can honestly say I feel happier today than I ever have in my life. To quote Charlotte in the Sex and The City movie, "I feel happy every day. Not all day every day, but every day I feel happy." In choosing to have the sleeve, I absolutely do not expect it to make me happy, because I'm already happy. I feel pretty good about myself today, this minute, at 300+ lbs. Yes, there are things I want to do, but I can't right now. Yes, I have pain every day & difficulty walking, but I still feel good about who I am and what I have to offer in my small corner of the world. I am aware that I am probably judged negatively by some people because of my weight, but I don't even really notice that. Today, I find it so much easier to find things in my life that make me genuinely happy. I am definitely looking forward to weighing less and seeing an improvement in my mobility, but I don't think it will make me somehow better or more acceptable or a more worthy person. I am enough, right now, just as I am. We all are, and we are all so very precious. Today, right now, at this very moment, we are beautiful, and we are valuable, and we are enough. I believe that with all my heart, and I hope you do, too.

I made some rookie mistakes yesterday when I added fruit and vegetables to my protein shake. I put so much in that there wasn't room for hardly any ice. By the end of the drink, it just tasted like lukewarm beet juice. Today's is much better! 1 scoop of market pantry chocolate protein 3 tablespoons of organic fat free vanilla yogurt 1/2 large organic cucumber 1 handful of organic blueberries lots of ice This is a much smoother taste. And according to the interwebs, cucumber is a natural anti-inflammatory!

I finally got moved off liquids and on to purees and soft foods after week 4. I have continued to have my espresso protein shake almost every morning, because it satisfies my coffee craving. I use 1 cup of skim milk, 1/2 cup of plain Greek yogurt, 1 scoop of vanilla protein powder (I use Syntrax Nectar), and about 1 tbsp of Cafe Bustelo instant espresso crystals dissolved in a little warm water. Stick everything in the blender bottle, shake & go. 250 cals, 45g protein, 18g carbs. I have moved very gently into more solid foods like fine chicken salad and scrambled eggs. So many folks seem to have trouble with eggs at first, and I am so thankful that I haven't had any issues. I can definitely feel the restriction more with solid foods than with liquids. Everybody told me to expect that, but I was still worried that somehow I would be 'different' and be able to take in more than I was comfortable with. On my 4th week anniversary on the 19th, I was down 40 lbs, including the 18 lost on the pre-op diet. That was 5 days ago & the scale hasn't really moved since then. It's been going up & down the same half pound or so, but I'm trying not to let that bother me. All my clothes are stretchy, so I was afraid I wouldn't be able to tell anything by the way my clothes fit, but again that proved to be wrong. I can wear dresses & tops that have been too snug for several years. I can pull off my denim capris without unzipping or unbuttoning them first. (I'm not sure when that might come in handy, but I can do it.) I have a party to go to next week & I pulled out a cute dress I haven't worn in 5 years. Not only does it fit perfectly, but it looks REALLY great. Another bonus...maybe because I'm not very far out, my "girls" are still holding their own. My waist & belly look and feel smaller, but up top is still an attractive feature. Best of all, though, I'm walking and moving much easier. I have been trying to walk at the mall every couple of days & I'm doing some light weights at home. About every 3rd time I exercise, I notice that I can either do just a little more, or the same amount is easier. I have started parking farther away from entrances & I think I may even stick my handicapped hang tag in the glove box. I'm still on soft foods for another week or so, but I'm plenty satisfied with what I'm able to eat now. I haven't tried fish yet (other than canned tuna or sardines), but I plan to try some salmon this week. My next big milestone is to eat out in a restaurant, and I think fish will be a good thing to start with. Mostly I'm just happy to be feeling good & strong & on my way to a better me!

hello everyone today is my 4th post op and still have gasses sometimes i feel like vomiting after i drink something is not all the times but happens a lot, is that normal ..... please any advise

Had a fantastic weekend but as usual my only wish was it didn't fly by so fast. I was in my friends wedding this weekend. Probably for the first time in many years I felt really good about myself. I felt I looked decent and I was confident. I am so thankful to my new best friend of 15 months (My band). It is truly amazing what proper fitting clothes can do for your psyche. Even standing outside decked out in a tux with it being 95 with a heat index of 105 I was quite content. 15 months ago I would not even have been able to stood long enough to be in this Wedding and finding an actual tux that would fit would've been a tremendous challenge. This first pic was taken with my IPhone which obviously has a dirty lens.

Hello my bandster's. I am sooo excited. I was approved after 27 longggg days by my insurance (Cigna). My surgery date is 7/31! I have been on my pre op diet for about a week now and it was very hard the first 2 days OMG . But so far I have lost 6 pounds. my surgeon requires a 10 pound lose before surgery. So lately I have been getting everything together I may need after the surgery. Has anyone recently had there surgery or is schedule soon to be banded? Please share your stories or anything that may help me after the surgery. Thank You

Yep, the Big 4-0! As much as I wish that was my current age, alas it is not. That ship sailed many moons ago, some where around George Bush 1 (The old guy). But it is the number of unsightly pounds that I have shredded since I began this journey on April 9th. My deconstruction has been in full swing for 15 weeks. If we look back to my first appointment in January, I have been fully encompassed with this project for 7 plus months, over half a year. Time does fly. Let's talk about what 40 pounds really is. A 15 foot canoe weighs 40 pounds. FYI - My old ass would never fit in a canoe. The kids at camp always made me go in the big boat. An average 3 year old child and a full size Soft Coated Wheaton Terrier each weigh 40 pounds. In case you're wondering, I did check. A strange kid or a lost dog was not wedged in my butt crack. An average full size human leg weighs 40 pounds. Really? I think one of my legs is the average weight of a full size human. 5 gallons of water weighs 40 pounds. Did you ever try to replace the big bottle on the water cooler? They're friggin heavy. It takes 2 skinny kids in my office to change it. 2 car tires weigh 40 pounds. Wow. I've been wearing two radials around my mid section. My goal is to lose a whole set of tires .... and the spare. Yikes. 4 ten pound bowling balls weigh 40 pounds. Try carrying those up and down the stairs a few times. Need we go on? It's mind blowing to me that this much excess blubber was attached to my paltry frame. AND I'm not even half way done! I still gotta lose at least a kid and a Chihuahua to hit my goal. Remember the guy who said " I treat my body like a temple." That obviously wasn't me. I've treated my body more like an all night diner. Attached to a liquor store. Years of binge eating, binge drinking and party chasing have come back to haunt me. There's always a price to pay. Reminds me of that 70s era bumper sticker: "Gas, Grass or ass, nobody rides for free." The good news is that I should hit the half way mark to my goal some time next week. If I average losing 1-1/2 pounds per week I should hit goal near the end of January. In the mean time, if your missing a kid or a Labrador Retriever, I'll bend over and give you look in my handy lost & found area. Chow Chow! Johnny P.S. I see Dr. X Monday for another fill. I'm guessing he's going to take me up another 1.5 ccs. That will be a 30% closure on the band. Another new adventure. Visit my blog at; TheDeconstructionOfJohnny.blogspot.com

Yesterday was my 49th birthday. As I look back over the past almost-decade, I’m amazed at how much has changed, and how far I’ve come. Since I turned 40, I have gone through a number of big life changes, including divorce and remarriage, job/career changes, and achieving a college education. All of those changes have been enriching and empowering for me. It feels like my 40’s have just been one change after another. I have really come into my own over the past few years, in so many ways that I never anticipated. I am excited about becoming a professional counselor, and inspired by the opportunity to have a positive impact in my small corner of the world. I have been so blessed by supportive friends and family, and I am very grateful for the love that lifts me up each day. Over the past few years, the one major negative change has been my mobility. I can no longer do so many things that I used to do and still want to do. The degree of limitation in my life has become unacceptable to me, and the time to take action is now. So, as I celebrate turning 49, I am already looking ahead to my 50th birthday next year. At that time, I will be 11 months post-op. I have no idea how much weight I will have lost, but I trust that my physical condition will have changed for the better. My plan is to celebrate the beginning of my new decade by doing something physical that would not have been possible at the end of this decade. I don’t know exactly what it will be, but I’ll think of something. It seems very appropriate to celebrate turning 50 by doing something that was not possible for me at 49. I don’t expect to start running or take up mountain climbing; I just want to walk without pain. I want to be able to stand for more than a few minutes, and maybe even to dance again. I want to be able to walk around downtown, or go shopping at the mall. I want to be able to do projects around my house and work in the yard. When we go to the beach, I want to be able to take Tony’s hand and go for a walk in the sand. But until that day comes, I will be thankful to hold his hand as I take this next step, and give myself a gift for next year and beyond.