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I am on day 2 of my pre op liquid diet. I have to do this for 2 weeks. My husband, who is having the sleeve done with me, only has to do 1 week. Our surgery is August 5th. I wanted to cry today when I heard my stomach growl. But to be honest I cannot remember the last time I heard it growl. I am learning a lot about this body of mine. That is when the pity party started. I feel like crap. How could I have let myself go this far? How come I did not stop the overeating when I only had 50 pounds to lose?? I went through a list of how, why, when....you name it. I then realized that I am being given an opportunity to get my life back. To enjoy things I have not been able to do. To go places I have been uncomfortable going. I am going to be new.....it is all going to be worth it. And the best part is I have my husband there for support. He will be my partner through this new stage of our lives. We will be a team. So I decided to go wash some clothes. To give myself a change of scenery. To wash clothes I may not be able to wear again someday....

Yesterday, I started to really think about what I can do. This brings many thoughts to mind- the things I can do now since losing 60 lbs, the things I want to do, the things I should do, ect. Pre-surgery I was lucky, my health was pretty good, but I was terrified of it starting to fail. My knees had just started to ache when I walked alot- they would pop and creek. I knew they were telling me I was to large. I would cut grass and go inside and sometimes passout- litterally- do to over excertion. Did that twice. Yeterday afternoon it was 92 degrees at my house with 98% humidity and guess what- I pushed mowed my lawn with NO ill effects. It took me 45 mins to cut the entire yard. Then I did some clipping in my flower garden and watered my pepper plants. Then I finally went into the house- and I felt good. I went stratight and got in the shower since I was dirty, wet and smelly. I got out of the shower, got a glass of water, sat down a few min and then back up to cook dinner. I couldn't have do that 60 lbs ago. I now walk and sometime jog without pain. I can ride a bike for a mile or more without stopping. I will be the first to tell you I hate "exercise". I put it in "" because I don't like just walking, or just getting on the elliptical or just lifting weights. I like to do something with a purpose that has a end point, like what I did yesterday. I love working in my yard, in the garden with my mom, playing with my neice, walking to go somewhere, even house work. So I know that since I don't like exercise, it is very important that I move! So even though I have a office job I have tried to set things up where I must move. My bookshelf is across the room with my reference lit, my file cabnet is across the room. I have to stand up and step to my printer. Instead of taking the short cut to the potty I take the long way around. I stand up when on the phone. Movement is movement and it burn energy which burns calories. Over the last 6 months my weight loss has slowed, but not stopped. On average it seems I lose around a pound to 2 pounds a month. While this isn't what I would love to lose, it is a loss. It is steady and comfortable. I don't feel like I am giving up anything. I feel like the life style I am living is one I can maintain forever. I make better choices, I do follow a give and take rule, I move more. So while I complain and fuss, fume and whine about having not lost as much as others; I am proud to say in 1 year and 1 month I have not gained, my weight has been on a decline. So I think little by little, inch by inch one day I will reach my goal. I may not get there as fast as I had hoped or dreamed, but I will make it. I can do this, one step at a time.

I'm going to lay out some thoughts I've been having. My intent is not to minimize the experience of anyone else, but simply to offer my own thoughts and beliefs. I know this journey is different for all of us, but I am always saddened when I see a post about how a pre-op person can't wait to "be skinny" or "look hot" or "feel good about myself again". Skinny does not equal happy. Skinny does not equal hot. Skinny does not equal feeling good about ourselves. There are just as many skinny people who are unhappy, unattractive, and down on themselves as fat people. Happiness, feeling attractive, and feeling good about oneself are characteristics generated from within, not without. A few years ago, at a very low point in my life, happiness seemed to me like a foreign concept. I could not remember the last time I had felt genuinely joyous or happy about anything. Intellectually, I knew that there were many things in my life that were desirable. I had a good job, a comfortable house, a dependable car, some money in the bank, food in the fridge, etc. But despite these things, I was unhappy. Now, I had good reasons to be unhappy, or so I thought. My marriage was failing, I was coming to grips with the fact that I would never be a mother, I wanted desperately to change my life but felt completely stuck, and so on. I remember reading somewhere that happy is a verb...it's an action, not a passive condition. I began to wonder...if I truly felt that there was no spark of happiness or joy in my life, who's fault was that? Who was responsible for my happiness? The answer, of course, is me. I was failing myself. I was not loving myself, or being kind to myself. I decided that if happy was an action, I was going to try and exercise my happy muscle. I was going to try and find one thing to feel happy about for a few minutes every day. My goal was 3-5 minutes a day of active happiness. I thought that would be super easy. After all, I had been able to identify good things in my life, so how hard could it be to think about them for a couple of minutes every day? Well, it was actually harder than I expected, but I stuck with it. I had to set a timer in the beginning, but I made myself do it every single day. Gradually, I noticed it got easier. Some days all I could come up with was something like the weather, or the fact that my bills were paid on time, but damn it...if that was all I had, then I was damn well going to focus on it & feel happy for 3 freakin' minutes. I eventually began to notice that I felt happier overall. I'm not sure why, because by this time I was just divorced and trying to figure out dating at 270 lbs & maintaining my new house, etc, but regardless, I felt happier. After meeting the man who has become my 2nd husband, he said that one of the things that attracted him to me was that I always seemed happy. I'm not saying that this is somehow a magic bullet against bad stuff happening, but holding happiness in my mind for a few minutes every day helps me to deal with the inevitable downs of life. It seems to me that consciously taking time to feel happy each day has somehow made a state of happiness more accessible in my brain. It's been almost 7 years since I began my happiness quest, and I can honestly say I feel happier today than I ever have in my life. To quote Charlotte in the Sex and The City movie, "I feel happy every day. Not all day every day, but every day I feel happy." In choosing to have the sleeve, I absolutely do not expect it to make me happy, because I'm already happy. I feel pretty good about myself today, this minute, at 300+ lbs. Yes, there are things I want to do, but I can't right now. Yes, I have pain every day & difficulty walking, but I still feel good about who I am and what I have to offer in my small corner of the world. I am aware that I am probably judged negatively by some people because of my weight, but I don't even really notice that. Today, I find it so much easier to find things in my life that make me genuinely happy. I am definitely looking forward to weighing less and seeing an improvement in my mobility, but I don't think it will make me somehow better or more acceptable or a more worthy person. I am enough, right now, just as I am. We all are, and we are all so very precious. Today, right now, at this very moment, we are beautiful, and we are valuable, and we are enough. I believe that with all my heart, and I hope you do, too.

I made some rookie mistakes yesterday when I added fruit and vegetables to my protein shake. I put so much in that there wasn't room for hardly any ice. By the end of the drink, it just tasted like lukewarm beet juice. Today's is much better! 1 scoop of market pantry chocolate protein 3 tablespoons of organic fat free vanilla yogurt 1/2 large organic cucumber 1 handful of organic blueberries lots of ice This is a much smoother taste. And according to the interwebs, cucumber is a natural anti-inflammatory!

I did same thing girl! Washed loads this weekend hoping last time I wash that pain or jeans too! I am down to the last few pair too.... Most have rub holes in the hoo hoo area I have my protein shake up and I'm cheering you!!! Clink clink. To us being thin!

So, a challenge to us all- equate calories to dollars- is a milkshake worth $1000- NOPE LOVE THIS!!!!!

Rant away....Isn't it the truth what we've subjected our bodies to already...family/coworkers? bless their hearts, but they haven't walked a mile in your shoes.......surround yourself with positive people, even if it's on VST. I haven't told people, and at times I feel like the omission is lying, then I hear the comments one sister say to another, and I know it's the right decision for me. I think the pre-op is a mindset....Today is day 2 of the official pre-op diet, and it's going good...I write down everything I've had, the time I ate it, and record the liquids......for 2 weeks, it's doable....at least that's what I tell myself LOL

jim (((((((((hugs from nc))))) your pic brought tears to my eyes you look amazing and i am so excited you shared your picture with this forum you were one of the first people who reached out to me here and i will never forget it anyway, sorry to get sidetracked....your pic is great you look handsome in your tux

I need some clarification: Are you in a hurry to get rid of the clothes because you want them gone or because you're afraid of your husband's reaction? And forget going to the Goodwill, I'm pretty sure you could open one of your own!