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It has been almos ten weeks since I was sleeved and I have been having frequent moments of thankfulness for this gift: My husband can wrap his arms around me when we hug My feet don't hurt anymore first thing in the morning so I don't hobble around My brain isn't so foggy at work I am gaining confidence I can tie my gym shoes without losing my breath I don't crave nor miss sweets My ankles aren't swollen at the end of the day every day So I bought some cute sandals and got a teal pedicure! My eyes look bigger and not "hooded" anymore So I bought new make up and feel beautiful (lovely husband says I have always been beautiful even - and especially - without make up. Love love love him!!!) No more buffalo hump No one has been negative I don't snore anymore (that one never gets old!) Not one migraine I have more flexibility I am more inclined to go to the gym My husband said I get up from the couch or bed faster and no longer use my arms to brace or balance myself (I never even realized I did that before) I feel younger My friends and colleagues have been so supportive and complimentary, which feels good My clothes are almost all too big, even the ones that were too small two months ago I am just so lucky and thankful for getting through the surgery safely, the first part of recovery that was so scary in the week after, having no complications and getting to this point. If I never lose another ounce, I am so much better off than I was before surgery for so many years. I am now 197 lbs and the size 16 clothes that I have are too big (I plan to go shopping this weekend). When my husband married me nine years ago I was 206 so he has never known me any smaller or healthier. He always said he wanted us to go running together but I never thought that could happen. Now it seems possible. I just signed up for a 5K in January 2014 and have started training for it already. That is a huge deal for me. I am not interested in perfection because that is unrealistic. I am happy to be healthier and to appreciate the mobility that I am gifting to my future golden years. I heard somewhere that thankfulness is essential for good mental health and happiness. So, I am truly grateful for my life and the second chance that I have been given to live it.

Day 4 Best day so far. Was finally able to get out of bed, walk around without crying, and I actually went down stairs today. Yay me! My mom has been great coming over and getting things for me. It is so funny because she always wants to help me get out of bed, because that is the most difficult and painful part - I keep thinking that I will bust the stitches open. So she wants me to grab on to her arm, but she is 63 years old and probably 110 pounds and I am positive I will just break her if I put any weight on her to get up. So we keep fighting about how I should get out of bed. But today is day four and I don't need help anymore! Don't get me wrong - my incisions are still painful as hell. But today is doable. This is the first day I could say that. Surgery day and the following 2 days are a huge blur. I can't believe how much pain I was in. I knew it was normal, and I just tried to focus on sleeping, so the next would come and be easier. That must have been a good plan, because here I am! My biggest ah ha moment so far was the fact I had a haitial hernia. I had no idea I had one. I have always been 50 pounds over weight, but very active and I considered myself healthy and I would have said that I had 0 side effects from being obese. I was a "low BMI" patient and the 3 people who I did tell about my lap band all were very surprised because they didn't think I was that big. I know how shallow this sounds, but the reason I wanted to get lap band was because I wanted to look better. It had nothing to do with my health, because I thought I was healthy. But, I got a pretty huge reality check. A lot of people said they felt they regretted their lap band the first couple of days, but I have never once regretted my choice. All I can think about is the fact that I do have health problems because of my weight and I'm so glad I have made this life change. For me, the next four weeks are going to be totally about healing and nothing else. I won't worry about my weight (even though I did sneak check it a few times already). I will worry about getting enough protein (had 34 grams today), getting enough rest, and setting up a routine. Today I had a protein shake for breakfast, broth for lunch, and another protein shake, for dinner, and snacks of jell-o, popsicles, and gatorade. I am not hungry yet, which is a miracle. I hope this feeling stays for a few more days. Although, I do need to stop watching the Food Network because everything on there looks so good! I know a lot of people say that McDonalds made them fat, or high fructose corn syrup, but for me - I swear, Food Network made me fat! I am totally going to start cutting back! I truly can't believe I'm here. I'm scared to death of complications and having to go through surgery again. It was so stressful on my body and I really really don't want to do it again. But for now, I'm fine! Wow!

so I am a little over 60lbs down in weight. I am already showing signs of weight loss. I have sagging skin in my thigh area and my boobs. I really loved my boobs and they are leaving me. I developed a heat rash from the friction when I move.. I thought if I lost it slow enough I wouldn't have much skin. I really can't blame myself because I am half to blame for being obese anyways. The important thing is that I care now and I am more dedicated than I have ever been. The thing that has me so down in a funk is that my job is not being so supportive. they don't know what surgery I had and they never will, but they are just being unfair about certain things. I still feel a lot of restriction even with them taking 1cc out of my band. I am able to eat a little bit more. for some reason I can not tolerate my normal protein shakes. But I can eat 2 egg whites and 1/4 of a banana. then for lunch I had two chunks of pineapples , 7 grapes, and two small chunks of watermelon. I haven't had dinner yet because I am not hungry yet. Tomorrow I return back to work to see how I fair out. tomorrow. will be a better day...

Hello all I swear I am so bad at keeping a blog LOL anyway here is the numbers and updates As of today I am maintaining my 115 pound loss. I haven't met my personal goal yet but I feel I have had great success keeping my loss so far. I gained 15 pounds when I moved to VA (no sidewalks mostly driving) but I am able to get back on track quickly now I am in MD (more sidewalks and accessible parks to jog/walk) here are the numbers My surgery weight was 287 My current weight is 175 My goal weight is 135 As you can see I have a long way to go but I am confident I will get there. I plan on starting a Vlog on you tube on my 3 year anniversary. I am still a junk food junkey but now I have learned that I have to stop eating the bad stuff and that helps. On a more personal note My husband and I have decided to rekindle our relationship we will celebrate our 25 anniversary Sept 29 of this year. Wish us luck. Inbox me any questions you may have until next time xoxoxo COCO

I am new to all this....even blogging. My husband and I are scheduled for surgery on August 5th. All of our pre op testing is complete. We have met all requirements and are approved. Yipee!! I have been so focused on this surgery and all it entails that I think of nothing else. I dream about protein and vitamins and hydration. My husband has been wonderful and he is a very good planner making sure we have everything we need. He is always like this. I am grateful for that because I am a last minute person and would be out the night before surgery searching for something. I feel like this is all that is going on in my life. I think so much about food and eating that I don't even want to eat.......I am hoping our vacation will give me a chance to focus on something else. I am glad I found this website. I am learning a lot of things both good and bad. I enjoy reading about everyone's triumphs and struggles. It is good to have someone to talk to..... Thanks for listening.

Why, oh why - please tell me...Why am I in the most danger when I've had a victory??? So we all know that exercise is the bane of my existence. But I've managed to work out at least 3 days a week for a month now. So this week, I'm bumping it up to 5 days a week. Grrrr. So I haul it out of bed this morning with the intention of doing something different at the gym. Everyone says you shouldn't get stuck doing one exercise routine - you should mix it up. I was therefore going to do a bike instead of the elliptical and weights. Started out fine - but the seat KILLED my butt (and not in the good 'oh I'm feeling the burn' way - more like the 'OMG I'm being sawed in half' way) !!! So I switched to one of the bikes where you are more seated with your legs horizontal instead of vertical. Didn't like that either because everytime I pedaled, I smooshed my stomach (which is still considerable) into my boobs, which are even more considerable. All of this and I only burned half the calories I burn on the elliptical. Had to leave the gym earlier than usual because I had an early morning at work. Managed to actually eat a good, protein breakfast and get to the stupid meeting on time (HUGE for me). Only to find out the meeting was canceled!!! However, we were having a drug rep coming later - with breakfast! So now - I've already eaten and they bring in tons of food (breakfast pastries, naturally) to leave in the break room, 3 steps from my office. Before vacation, about a month ago, I bought a new linen outfit. Fit perfectly. I haven't gotten around to wearing it until today because it's linen and requires ironing - which I only do about once a year. So I put it on - pants are too big!! :-) YAY me! I've mentioned that I was getting pissy because the scale wasn't moving, which usually triggers a binge for me. So I'm not allowed to get on the scale until the end of the month. The idea is to get used to doing the healthy thing because it's healthy, rather than being motivated by a number on the scale. So having a NSV like my brand new outfit being too big already is big for me! SO - someone please tell me WHY I'm seriously in danger of having a really, really bad - out of control eating - kind of a day! Why must everything trigger a binge for me??? If doing the right thing and not having a payoff makes me want to eat - why does doing the right thing and having a payoff make me want to eat?!?! Getting up for an extra workout - victory Healthy, protein breakfast - victory On time for early meeting - victory New clothes too big - victory I just have that unbelievable urge to eat everything I can find. I am my own worst enemy! Ready to turn around, go home, and climb in bed to hide until it's over!!! Shelly

Guinness World Records called me today. It was out of the blue and I thought it was my shameful little secret. But apparently being startled by a squirrel can help you become a Guinness record breaker. I was in the kitchen messing around and heard some scratches in the utility room. Upon opening the door, I was confronted by a dastardly squirrel. Being a normal (sort of) person, I figured if I stepped towards him, he'd head for the hills. But no, he charged me! Squirrels aren't supposed to charge! They're supposed to hang upside down on the sides of trees and play funny games of tag with each other. It's in the Squirrel Manual. Chapter 1 - Squirrels are supposed to look cute, chase each other, and RUN whenever confronted by things that outweigh them by 300 lbs. This squirrel, obviously, was a dropout. He's the kinda punk squirrel that skips squirrel school, hangs around the pool hall, and smokes. I would add that he's a heroine addict, but I didn't have time to check his little squirrel arm for tracks - I was too busy trying to release the squirrel back into his natural habitat. By that, I mean that I screamed like a girl and slammed the door. That's where Guinness comes in. I thought my shameful little secret was my own, until I got the phone call. Apparently Guinness heard the scream and the door slam at their headquarters and tracked it back to me. I wondered how they tracked it back to me, until I saw the fault line (apparently caused by my slamming the door) snaking across my property and down the street. I now have two Guinness records - one for Loudest Girly Scream from a Man and Hardest Door Slam Without Knocking the Door Off the Hinges. P.S. The Man Club heard about it as well. I tried to explain that I was employing my catlike Ninja skills and the scream was my way of focusing my Chakras - but they weren't buying it. They said they had already given me a break on the whole Monarch Butterfly incident, but they couldn't give me a pass on this one. I now have 2 points on my Man Card. One more point and I have to take a refresher class. :-( P.P.S Does setting the world record for screaming like a girl count as an aerobic workout??????

I got up and went to the gym before work. Full 30 min on elliptical and full circuit of weights. My muscles are humming (tomorrow they will probably be screaming). Working out is a huge deal for me. I hate it. I resent it. I hate that I have to work so hard to feel good. Yeah, see - there's that entitlement thing again. I should just get to feel good and look good without any effort on my part. Working out is a sign of acceptance for me. It says I accept that I have to work hard and not have everything I want. It says I accept that I have to wait to see results of my effort. It says I accept responsibility for the damage I have caused my body and it says I accept responsibility for changing that. Not accepting these things is what lands me in that self-pity pit and kept me morbidly obese for the vast majority of my life. In 12 step meetings they say "Half measures availed us nothing." For me, only focusing on what I don't do or don't eat is only half. This isn't just about what I don't do. It's also about what I do. Especially since I got the band, it's relatively easy to not eat. Sure, I can get around it, but if I follow the rules, the band does most of that work for me. But the exercise - the proactive piece - that's all on me. Do I want this or not? Am I willing to be an active participant in the process, rather than a passive recipient waiting for the weight loss fairy to visit me? If this is just about weight loss, then I suppose if I follow the rules and wait patiently, I will eventually get to goal weight. But it really isn't about just weight loss - otherwise it's just another in a lifetime of diets. This is a total transformation of my way of thinking about life, control, and personal responsibility. It is acceptance of reality, rather than insistence on maintaining my stubborn delusions of grandeur. Reality sucks - but at least it's real. Shelly

Wanted to share a rundown of my surgery day and 1st week Postop. I was sleeved on June 11, 2013. Here goes: Surgery day!: the surgery itself went smoothly. No complaints or complications. When I woke up, I did experience some nausea. I also felt a little too sedated. My mind was like, "ok, Misty, you need to get up and walk." But my body was like, "F*** that." My mom and husband brought me to my very comfy hotel room and I was instructed to start sipping on water at 10pm. So, I did. And I vomited. I did have some mild pain, but I couldn't tolerate the pain medication (I couldn't tolerate the water). Recap of the day: pain- very mild. Nausea- holy hell. Day 1: I continued with nausea until I hit the 24 hour mark. Then I was able to drink. Magic! The day's intake totaled 5oz, and I was super proud of that. On this day I met my new best friend = Gas X. I attribute the Gas X with me feeling so much better. Oh! And I was allowed to take a shower!! (A shower cures everything). That evening Dr. Borland came visit me, and gave me terrible news = no bowel sounds! Ahhh! Some people might be like, "so what?" But in my mind (my nurse mind) I pictured myself with an NG tube, large midline abdominal incision, and a colostomy. Ah! I took Phenergan that night, not for nausea, but for sleep. Day 2: I was able to leave the hotel. Home sweet home! After the car ride, I did have some mild soreness and a little trickle of blood at the bellybutton site. No biggie. And on this day I learned the value of burping myself, yes, like a baby. Day 3: ok, we talked about no bowel sounds- Since the doc told me that, my ridiculously obsessed self kept listening for my bowel sounds. And I had been hearing increased grumbling. Yay. And today??? A BM!! Yes, thank you, I was happy for myself too. Today I felt no pain or soreness. I walked to the mailbox a few times- I was afraid to leave my driveway. I had a total intake of 17.5 oz! Day 4: Feeling good! Walked outside a little. No pain. Total intake of 19 oz (I felt like I pushed it too much). I was feeling much stronger until I had to wash my hair-- OMG! Day 5: Felt great!!! I discovered today that my engagement ring no longer fits. but and I got 21oz in with no problem. And today, I ventured past the mailbox into the street!!! Day 6: I woke up feeling weak. After thinking about it, I believe I was a little dehydrated. I actually slept late this day. So my observation= sleeping too much= not drinking= dehydration= weakness. I did some light housework, walked outside, had an all around good day once I caught up on my fluids. And I went on my first outing: Walmart to shop for thickened liquids: dear god that was exhausting. Lol Day 7: I started my protein shakes! And vitamins!! After all that clear liquid, I was kinda excited for protein. Feeling strong! Feeling good! I went to my first Postop appointment. Lost 22lbs! Yay! I will see my doc again in 2 weeks. Oh, and I learned I love V8. So that was the first seven days. Honestly, I thought I'd be worse. And with no pain medications, I felt like I did well.

Ok, so I am two weeks and one day into my new sleeved life. I am feeling great in general and am so glad to be moving forward. I haven't posted anything much until now as it has been enough of a challenge getting fluids in and doing my best with the protein intake. I was so looking forward to the puréed stage of the diet and wanted to start getting protein in other forms besides the shakes, but I am still having a hard time even getting an ounce of puréed anything down. I feel full on so little - and although I enjoy the taste of the soups (blended) and thinned mashed potatoes with puréed chicken, I know when the stopping point has to be. So, I have returned to the land of the shakes! In order to increase the protein and making the shakes more palatable, I mix Lucerne protein fortified fat-free milk with one-third of a protein shake every morning and every evening. That wayI can experiment with other puréed foods during the day. I don't mind taking the next six weeks slowly My doctor gave me the go ahead to hit the treadmill and elliptical machines at the gym, so that is the goal for this week. I don't have an excess of energy (did a few things around the house and pooped out over the weekend) so plan to take baby steps so I don't collapse. I do make the rounds in the hallways of my apartment complex and went down four flights of stairs last night to check the mail (elevator back up). Good things are that I am down to 215 and can see my clothes are fitting loosely already. Also, weirdly, I used to be a big time snorer and have not snored since the surgery. I am sure that is why I am sleeping more soundly at night. What an unexpected blessing! I also met a couple of old friends I hadn't seen in years: my ankle bones! I travel a lot with my job in the spring and fall, so I look forward to fitting in an airplane seat without having to ask for a seatbelt extension Last year, I actually delayed a puddle jumper flight because they ran out of seatbelt extensions (flight full of husky oil and gas workers took all the available supply!). I was mortified when they made the delay announcement - never again! So this entry is a bit of positive musing ~ I am happy with my decision to take this leap of faith to change my life and get healthy. If you asked me last week if it was the righ decision for me, I would have had to think about it... But, today I can unequivocally say YES!