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The band is a tool and will only work if used correctly, we know this and state it daily. We have another very important tool, our doctor. He (or she) is the one we trusted to cut up our insides. But this tool doesn’t stop there, we pay them for our after care. I’m not talking just for the post op diets. I’m talking months and years of after care, whether it is fills or just checking in or complications we need this tool as much as we need our bands. So why would we not use this tool? Why are we afraid to call the doctor? Why don’t we want to go back to the doctor? Who loses out when we don’t use this tool? The doctor doesn’t. He’s off helping other patients who are using their tool. We lose! We keep spiraling out of control, gaining weight, feeling like we failed, and hating the band. I use my tools to the fullest capacity! I lost 80 pounds in 10 months and have maintained my weight for the last 7 months. And, I still see my doctor once a month. Why? Because I am using my tool. I often don’t get a fill, I weigh in, ask any questions I may have and say hello to everyone. I am there so much that all the staff know me by name. They may get sick of seeing me, but hey I pay for this tool and by golly I’m going to use it. So, if you are struggling and you haven’t seen your doctor in a while, pick up the phone and make an appointment. Use your tool! If you don’t you are only hurting yourself.

I have 33 more pounds to go to goal!!! 135 ---> COMING TO GET YA!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO

WOW. So I finally decided to do this, only one year in the making or, convincing. I scheduled my surgery and was really looking forward to submitting my time off request! I know that sounds funny, but I thought that I needed something exciting to document and completing the space that says REASON, I was able to write, without any reservations, surgery. What I really wanted to write, though it lacked any kind of professionalism, was "I'm about to get this fat ass off of my fat ass for good!" So one of my awesome co-workers helped me out and took the first picture of my long journey and celebrated my awesome feel good time off request!!!!!

This morning I met my goal for the week. I managed to get to the gym every day this week and worked out hard. I am consistently increasing resistance and endurance. And - I hate to admit it - I enjoy it. By the way, I'll deny that if anyone asks! So this morning, I was on the elliptical with my headphones, getting my jam on and feeling pretty good about myself because I'm making progress and meeting goals. As usual, I was watching the tv monitor above my machine (not much else to do at that point). Normally, they have it tuned to news or sports that early in the morning (at 5:30, there's not much else on). Today, for some reason, they had it on a channel that was just infomercials. The first was for make-up and the second was for hair products. As I sweated and pedaled faster, I learned all about how as a woman, I really need to have those make up products and how vital it is that my hair is shiney and bouncy. I really started to get pissed. I am SO SICK of hearing that I need just this one more thing to make me acceptable. The make up commercial interviewed a woman with a birthmark on her face that she could cover up with this make up. She cried as she talked about how she felt she could not go out in public because of her shame about how she looked - until she discovered this make up. Now she can cover her "imperfection" and hold her head up high in public because no one knows what she really looks like. What a tragic commentary on our society! I work on a daily basis with political refugees from other countries who have spent their entire lives just trying to survive. Some have been tortured, imprisoned, had fingers or limbs amputated in the course of "interrogations," had their families threatened, on and on and on. Seriously?!? We're worried about shiney hair?!? All day I have fought the urge to eat. I finally figured out why. I am such a passive aggressive person, I think a huge part of me wants to stay fat just to give a great big finger to everyone who would judge me on something like what size I wear, how shiney my hair is, or how smooth my skin looks (oooh - and by the way, I'm not sure I can go on with such stubby eyelashes. Life just isn't worth living!) I'm sick of hearing how inadequate I am. My teeth aren't white enough (or straight enough), my skin isn't clear enough, my legs aren't smooth enough, my hair isn't full enough, shiney enough, straight enough, or curly enough. I don't smell good enough and my lips aren't red enough. But don't worry - there's a plan, product, or prescription for all of it! (My personal favorite is the prescription for thicker eyelashes. REALLY?!?!) Dammit! I'm good enough just as I am! If I never lose another ounce! I will do this, but I will do it on MY terms and for MY reasons. I do not need to fit into their mold and meet their expectations, because no matter how much I do, it will never be enough. I have been suckered in to that shame and feeling of inadequacy all my life and I refuse to buy into it for another second! I will be healthy (truly healthy - body and mind) not because of society's pressure, but in spite of it! (Now can someone hand me a step ladder so I can get down off this box....) Shelly

I have to admit I am proud to say I finally was able to drink a full bottle of water today!!! I know it doesnt sound like much but believe me its the most i have been able to drink since I was banded. sucky thing that bugged me yesterday was the slight break out episode I had yesterday. Its pretty bad but I have some medicine that is suppose to help with the irritations. I am so close to being under 300lbs i can smell it. I only wish I had done this years ago but that is in the past.. my new life began the day I was banded. one more day until I am in the mushy food phase and then one week after that it will be solids. I am excited. Visited my mom today and she noticed my weight loss. she was very proud of me. I can not wait for more wL. I am hoping that with my new found health I will be able to be clear of all the health issues and develop a fresh outlook on other things. Well thats all i have to say for now.

It's 2 weeks until I have my surgery, and feeling excited and nervous all in one...I know this will be life changing, and am ready to take the challenge on, but don't fool myself...this is gonna be a challenge!! I've been very selective to whom I tell what im doing, although, I know they will see the difference soon....guess the stigmatisn of gastric surgery to some people is the easy way out...but we all know better...learning my diet, and the road I have ahead of me is by far the most challenging diet I will ever face...a life time challenge if I want success...and failure for me is not an option...my health is counting on it. So, if anyone has any tips, good websites, or food preferences that they like I would appreciate any help. Julz

I think I'm just weird about my food. Things like potluck with food prepared in people's kitchens whom I don't know freak me out. LOL! I like having my own little lunchbox that keeps everything cool. It's so easy to throw it in the freezer too. I don't really even need the ice packs in the bottom. It's a Rachael Ray lunchbag and they make neutral patterns. My husband bought it for me for my bday a couple of years ago and it was one of those things that I didn't know I needed until I had it!

Love your post! Thanks!

We are lucky at having a very clean facility. We moved into a new building back in Feb. And our custodial staff is very vigilant about keeping the fridge clean and cleaned out.

Great Story!!