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I can cross my legs while sitting. I stood up at church to pray, bowed my head and realized that all I could see was my boobs....no belly sticking out further than my boobs! The steering wheel can be lowered while I drive. I walked 3/4 of a mile today without panting and thinking I was having a heart attack. I make still look like Shamu but I am feeling like Flipper!

So I'm reading about dumping syndrome and is that for the 1st few months and year or is that some con that will forever stay with us?? And is that just from sugar? I'm regretting this sleeve that I just got 2 weeks ago because I donor want to experience that!!!

I am committed to me being my best. This means I will not: - Reward myself with food. I love food, and I love beautiful tasting food, but it's not a reward, I am not a dog. I have to maintain a healthy relationship with food, which means I can enjoy it without it being the centre of my life. - Forgot that that for most people, achieving 'fullness' at every meal is not their goal. This is something I realised just recently. My partner is not a big guy, and he stops eating when he's no longer hungry. I have spent my whole life stopping only when I'm full. This is a FUNDAMENTAL difference between us, and the reason I have struggled with my weight all my life. But not any more. - Tell myself I don't have time. If I can find time to be there for others, I can find time to be there for me. Whether it's exercising, sitting on the couch reading a book, or just doing what I want to do instead of what someone else wants to do. In this way, I nourish myself and allow myself to be a better person for everyone around me. - Focus on being skinny instead of being healthy. This is important - I got to a BMI of 21 at one stage, and my ribs were showing and my hip bones stuck out. I had no muscle tone to speak of. That's not healthy. My BMI is 24 now and I get sick less, I feel strong, and I feel womanly. My body fat percentage is lower now than when my BMI was 21. I was so focussed on losing, I was losing sight of why I did this, which was to be healthy. - Hate my body. It has borne 4 beautiful kids, and my eldest is now 23 and watching how women hate their bodies and themselves in the process. That's not a lesson I want my daughter to learn. I have parts of me that I don't like, that's just human nature and it's silly to pretend I could stop doing that, and that's actually ok in small doses, but I will not hate my whole self. I am beautiful, whether I was big or small, and I am the same person on the inside. And I will value that, even if society may not (yet). - Compare myself to others. This is part of the above point too. Envy is a nasty, self-destructive thing. "I wish I was younger, prettier, smarter, thinner, richer". I now say "I want to be happy" and to do that, I need to stop hurting myself by wishing my life away and not seeing the things I should be thankful for. - Sit by and do nothing. Counting my blessings doesn't mean I just sit by crying into my soup about the things in my life that make me unhappy either. I change what I can if it's important to me, don't change what isn't important and accept what I can't change. And know that no one is responsible for my happiness but me. I'm writing this because in the last few years these ideas have formed in my head but I've never said them out loud in one place. Yet I think it's important for me now to see it in black and white. And while it's not just about me being a lapbander, but a person, I thought that this was a good place to put it.

Hello all, I know I haven't been on in a while but I'm happy to report that I'm under 200 pounds. I weighted myself today and I weighted in at 198 I'm so freakin happy. Hard word and determination really do pay off. I'm living proof. :wub:

Hi Everyone, I am watching Dr. Oz right now and the show's subject is Toxic Love. Very interesting about what loved ones do to each other when they have health issues. Dieting together, a mother telling her daughter, you're fat etc. and cooking the wrong foods. Right now is a couple and the wife wears an insulin pump and the husband cooks all the wrong foods. The therapist is trying to help all the people. Great show. I know of people like that, that make and feed the wrong foods to the diabetic, the WLS person, like all of us etc. Who is the the toxic person in your life? Mine is ME!!!!!!

Happy Independence Day to all my American followers! Ah, another holiday brimming with awesome BBQs, cold beer and delectable desserts. A regular fat ass nightmare. And it's on a Thursday. Which means 4 days of ducking and dodging hot dogs, hamburgers, fries and ice cream. Not to mention Al. C. Hall. (That's alcohol for you new readers.) He's always the first to be invited to every party. After all, a party without Al is really more of a church meeting. I will have to be extra cautious this week. We can't have Johnny taking a dive off the food truck. (That's the fat ass version of the wagon.) Today's rant answers the "when did you know" question. I have touched on this in the past, but maybe you're ready for a clearer understanding. For years now, I have been asked "when did you first notice you were over weight"? It's on every medical history you fill out for any doctor and always asked by the over-active metabolism crowd. Here's my best answer. Had I the capacity of cognitive thinking, I would have noticed at age 6 months or so when mom had to move me in to the "chubby baby" size diapers. Unfortunately I was too distracted at the time by the creepy stuffed bear that kept staring at me and that horrendous mobile thing constantly twirling above my head playing the same song over and over again. I was too traumatized to realize I was busting out of my skinny diapers. If only I could have read the "New Chubby Baby Size" blurb on the diaper box. Who knows? Maybe I would have started on low cal Gerber's. In blissful denial, I moved into my early childhood. We all know I had to wear man size cub scout pants with three feet cut off the legs. And yes, we know I was further traumatized when my ass knocked over the stacked milk cartons in grammar school. I talked about those incidents in earlier posts. But there were other signs that my blissful denial refused to let me see. As I grew older (and wider), I used to try on shirts with the "HUSKY" tag on the sleeve. I always got mad when they took the that tag off. I thought it was a cool logo. Like the alligator or the swoosh. I could never fit in the shirts with the little penguin. I should have known then I had an issue. Another sign I should have picked up on was my inability to comfortably fit in the normal child desk provided to me by my school. Remember the desk with the attached chair with the top that hinged open forward? Every other kid had no problem lifting that lid and getting to their books and supplies. My expanding ass and belly prevented me from using this desk as designed. I had to carefully slide off the chair, open the lid and then carefully slide back in. In hindsight, I think I should have took the hint. There were other signs that I ignored along my pudgy path. One of the last glowing signs I remember came when I went to join the pee wee football league. I showed up at the designated time with all the proper paperwork and was ready to start my football career. Unfortunately, there was a weigh in and I failed. I was rejected by the pee wee football team because I was too "husky". WTF? How can a guy be too fat to play football? Bottom line is they were afraid I would smush the little kids when I jumped on the tackle pile. I ended up playing for a fat ass kid's league three towns over. Another hint missed. I didn't just wake up one day and discover I had an elephant size ass and a hippo's stomach. I've know since my bottle sucking days that I was well above average in the girth department. Obviously I should have started getting serious about weight loss then. I may have been able to avoid going to Uncle Vito's Big & Tall for my prom tuxedo. See ya soon. P.S My official Fitbit scale says I have dropped 35 pounds of blubber since April 9th. 50 more to go. Reprinted from my blog. Stop on by for a chuckle. http://thedeconstruc...y.blogspot.com/

I went to the doctors today and got my first fill! Yahoooooo!! Finally I feel like I am getting somewhere. This unbelievable hunger has come over me the past ten days or so. I think it was because I was totally healed and no inflammation was left after the surgery, at least that is what my nutritionist explained to me sometimes happens, but I think with me going to stage 5, I had free range and cravings I could have fresh food, fruit &veggies ohhh I have missed them. Anyway it didn't help but i have maintained so I am glad, but I could have gained easily if not for exercise and telling myself over and over over the fill is around the corner. I had 3 cc put in and will go back in two weeks. I had no pain, the needle sting was super quick and I could feel something going on, it was strange but not uncomfortable and I noticed at dinner a difference. I think this week is going to be interesting, seeing if I notice a difference. Hopefully another fill or two & I can wear my bandster tiara & my big girl panties and start to my path of getting under the 200 lb mark, oh to be able to put my wedding band on, my fingers have been too fat for years, it is a goal I set. I went down two sizes but, I feel like I am one of those that needs to lose 50lbs before I really can see it. I mean I see it in my face and my midsection, but nothing significant. Time to start trying some exercise dvds, hip hop abs looks good, I found some cool workouts on interest for tightening your bum and legs. Anyhow that is all for now.

I feel great physically. Emotionally, still struggling. I am definitely a food addict. I had no idea. In my mind, I catch myself thinking about food....like all the time. I miss cheese crackers, popcorn at the movies, toast and bacon. I miss sharing a cookie with the grand baby. I miss trips with the kids to Braums ice cream. I long for a Dairy Queen chocolate malt. Furthermore, i crave McDonald's french fries and homemade brownies. I cannot wait to eat a ribeye and baked potato (just a bite). You get the picture. I am in detox with a full, unlocked liquor cabinet in front of me. (Actually the food pantry...) I took the kids to see Monster's University and knew it would be hard, but had no idea how hard. The smell of hot buttered popcorn assaulted me before I even entered the door. It threw me to the floor like a rag doll. I fought it, yelling and screaming. We drew quite a large crowd, that deadly aroma and me. The mouth watering scent drug me across the floor to the concession stand. I fought so hard I left claw marks in the tile. I gathered myself, stood up, smiled at the young woman with her mouth gaping and ordered a LARGE popcorn and 2 large cokes. As she placed the humongous container of butter dripping popcorn on the counter, I grabbed it and slung it at my children before I changed me mind. Whew! My stomach growled the entire movie like I hadn't eaten in weeks. Oh, maybe because I HAVEN'T! I quietly drank my water and watched the movie. I survived! I did it! Last night, I found myself in the emergency room with a friend. I brought my water and some baby food but didn't plan on camping out for hours. I knew I had to have something. I sniffed out the vending machines hoping to find something edible for me. I dreaded the sight of Reese's peanut butter cups, snickers, cinnamon rolls and chips. My mind kept screaming that peanut butter is high in protein and soft, hence the peanut butter cups would be the best choice. It sounded reasonable to me. Once I located the vending machines, I stood frozen in shock. EVERYTHING in the machine was healthy or relatively healthy. Not even a hint of chocolate was to be found. I opted for a 100 calorie breakfast thin thing. I chewed it like it was leather so not to disturb my stomach. I survived. I am still refusing to allow bacon to be cooked in my house. I think I would go into convulsions. There is a no baking anything sweet ban till further notice as well. My 12 year old asked me today, "How much longer are you on this diet?" I just smiled and hugged him. Signing off till next time! Judy